Discpline of DD at nursery - and again at home?

[nicolaelc]

Hi.. I'm new to mumsnet but looks like you all have good advice! I have a 3 (4 in March) year old daughter who is vibrant, busy and just as a young'un should be. She clashed several times with one particular little girl in nursery before Christmas and pushed her several times. I thought this would stop after the holiday as they all moved into morning nursery where there is more stimulation (she's q bright and I think a bit bored before) and more kids to mix with.
She doesn't hit/shove etc outside of preschool (she attends a creche sometimes and has a childminder with other kids too so plenty of opportunity but no reports of pushing). She has an older brother (7) and they mess about but it's never nasty or pushy. As I work 3 days I often don't see DD until that evening when she's tired (and forgotten) or the next morning. The teacher may tell my childminder who'll then pass it on but I feel this is then too late to discipline my daughter for it.. and in fact feel that it should be disciplined at the time.(Should I discipline AGAIN maybe?) The teacher's approach is q touchy-feely as it were, they talk about it (what happened before, why she did it etc) which is great in theory, it worked with my son, but my daughter reacts better to a more firm approach that we use at home, cross voice, time out, and no toy/pudding/something if she does it again (we follow through!). Should I suggest this to the teacher? She's not great at listening to suggestions and will probably take it as a slur on her professional approach - I dont' want to rock the boat for DD or look like I'm not taking responsibility for her discipline.. maybe teacher thinks it's our responsibility (and overall it is, of course, I can talk generally about hitting being bad, but she already knows, just doesn't remember at school, or thinks she can get away with it).I have plenty of guilt about working (part time..!)already. I'm q stressed about it, as DD is only like this at preschool and I have no 'control' over the discipline there and therefore can't help! Any suggestions?

My ds is of a similar age (and equally active and likely to get carried away by the sound of it). I would speak to the teacher and say that you are aware that this is a problem, that you do speak to her about it and remind her that pushing is not good, but that you would like a firmer approach to be taken to put a stop to it in school - time out or similar. Based on what ds's teachers have said to me, some parents of children at this age are not willing to take responsibility for what their child is doing, or to do anything about it. If the teacher knows that you do not tolerate this sort of action at home and want it stopped when she is at nursery, I think it would probably be helpful.