If i do this, will i starve him.... and more?

[SmallShips]

Need lots of help, having finally realised that as a parent i am too soft.

Where to start....

1. DS is going through a stage of not eating very well, he's fussy and would rather a Weetabix. I try and get him to eat his meals without making too big a fuss and if he doesn't eat it, i end up making him something else (usually Weetabix). So the plan is to stop offering anything else, if he doesnt eat, thats it! Will i starve him though if he doesnt eat his main meals and what do i do about snacks, do i offer them or just wait for meal times?

1. DH is in the Forces and rarely home, when he's here DS sleeps in his own bed, makes a small fuss at bed time, but quickly crashes out and thats that! But when DH is away he refuses to sleep in his bed, has massive tantrums for ages, wakes up his sister and drives me mad, all good intentions go out the window and hes back in my bed within an hour.

Now i don't mind co-sleeping and the reason we're in this mess is because i'm happy sleeping with him when DH is away, but he ends up coming up and down the stairs till i go to bed and even then he rolls around and want tickles to gone 12am meaning he doesn't want to get up in the mornings and is grumpy all day and the cycle starts again. So how do i get him into his own bed at 19:00 and get him to stay there?! Is it just a case of ignoring the screaming and putting him back in bed or am i missing something?

For now thats it!

Thanks for getting this far .

Have you seen Supernanny? I know lots of people don't get it but she is great, she has a book out and there doesn't seem to be anything that isn't common sense in it (very hard to think sense when sleep deprived ) Perhaps get it out of library and have a look, there might be some good tips in there.

WRT to #1
I would stop offering snacks - they are a treat and if he gets treats for poor behaviour he is never going to get better. WRT mealtimes - I might be tempted to ofefr weetabix as a "dessert" - a reward for eating a meal - but not substitute. Gradually increse the amount of main he has to eat before he gets dessert...and then reduce the amount of fuss he is allowed to make in order to get his dessert.

In terms of bed....tough one....to get him to go to bed a sensible time I think that you need to start putting him to bed at his current time and then make it 15minutes earlier every day until you are happy....no advice on how to make it his own bed and keep him there though I am afraid.

I'm quite strict wrt eating and bedtimes personally (you have to be with three of them!)

I'd give him dinner everyday that consisted of something I knew he would eat and something I wasn't sure of. He would get nothing else. I DO allow a couple of things that they don;t ever get dished up because they now eat pretty much everything I know a constant refusal of a certain food is a definite dislike, not just 'I don't fancy it'

WRT sleep I'd use rapid return, tell him as of now he has to sleep in his own bed and that is that. Put him to bed, every time he gets up just return him, it'll take a while, but don't get into arguments with him, just keep returning him (nicely, with a kiss and tucking him in) saying simply 'It's bedtime'. Do not give in.

A boundary is fine for a child to test but the moment they are allowed to cross it they will continue to.

Lastly remember you are not being an Evil mother by trying to get him to eat and sleep, these things are paramount to his overall health and education.

Thanks all.

He didn't eat his lunch, so after a while i took it away and he's had nothing, he's yelled for a biscuit but i've not given in and am about to move the treats, so he can't find them. The problem i'm having with food is he(used to)snack during the day, i couldnt tell if he didnt like it or didnt want it because he wasn't hungry.

I've tried the rapid return with him before and it's worked, let it slip when DD was ill because his screaming woke her up, but will get back to it tonight.

Totally messed this parenting thing up!

how old is he?

2.10