ds (3.5) not really interacting with other kids, prefers grown-ups - only child syndrome

[mynewnickname]

ds is 3.5. He has had no shortage of exposure to other kids via nursery but still has not grown out of just playing on his own. I suspect he might not. He is interested in other children in theory, gets excited about the idea of them coming over for example but when they're here doesn't really bother much with them.

He says he'd rather talk to grown-ups.

He's probably got a mix of only child syndrome (!) and being a particular personality type.

He seems perfectly happy with how he is and doesn't crave attention from other kids.

BUT I feel he SHOULD be hanging out with them and that school are going to start banging on about it (they have already mentioned it).

I know there's nothing more underlying this as he's very sociable with adults and older kids - he just doesn't seem to see the point of talking to other children.

He's like a little adult in lots of ways (which is brilliant for me as he is engaging, wonderful company, fun and largely very well-behaved with just enough crazy moments to reassure me!) I worry he'll get teased at school because of the way he talks which might well sound a bit up its own to other children when they're at school and are more aware of this(not that I think he'll care that much as he's like his dad in this way - very self-sufficient). Boys I knew at school like this did get grief. So it's more me worrying than him!

He's interested in some kids's stuff - a small number of TV programmes but a lot of the usual 3-4 year old stuff doesn't seem to interest him. He doesn't seem to know what to say to the other kids and has some quite narrow interests that others might not share!

Not sure what my question but curious about other kids similar at the same age.

I wouldn't worry about this at all unless it persists and / or causes any social problems once he does start school. He's only 3.....many many oldest children are still onlies at 3..he may well turn out to be a self-sufficient sort, which will be no bad thing as long as he is happy and able to socialise successfully when he wants to.

What are his interests that you think other kids might not share?

he sounds as if he might be v bright?

The school are only likely to be concerned if they see evidence of poor social skills as this can be one of the soft signs of ASD related issues.

But I wouldn't worry. He is only wee. I am sure it will sort itself out. My NT son was very keen on adults and was pretty grown up too. Turned out that as Blu said he was just very bright. The social stuff clicked in when he started primary ( the other kids had caught up a bit IYSWIM)

Don't worry, my DD was like this, she finally clicked really well with one other little girl whom she still sees even though they are at different schools now. This other girl isn't making friends quickly at school, neither is my DD (DD is an only child but her friend isn't, she's just not a "mixer") although DD plays well in groups when required but her friend hangs back I am told!

It's a mix of personality type and only childness and sometimes if your child is quite bright (DD is) then some children just seem too young. She complains that some children in the reception class are disruptive and don't listen.
Her nursery sheet when she went to school read "DD prefers to be with adults".
DD is not isolated though and many of the other children talk to her and want to play, sometimes she does not respond, I think that is how she is.

The main thing is not to provide your child with ways of not socialising, because this will exascerbate his tendency to play alone. I always make sure DD has a few activites where she is in a group and always have, even though she sometimes focuses on the adult leader more than the other children.

My friend had a son who didn't mix and so she did not put him in group activities and let him sit on a corner on his own. Now he is at school, in a corner, on his own, he also sits on the Nintendo a lot, even with a houseful of other children all madly playing together, which is sad as he has not developed his social skills at all.

So encourage sociability but acknowledge sometimes he will want to be on his own...even in a group.

BLU I can't go into details of what his fave game is as it would def identify me to anyone who knows me in RL but it involves a lot of complicated sorting of stuff but in a role play where he pretends to be doing a particular job. Apparently it's his 'work'

He does like other things too like cooking, lego and real trains (not that fussed about toy ones) and some toys but just not always the obvious ones.

Overall I don't want to change him one bit, as if he is as I think he is and will continue that way he will be happy with the way he is. I suspect he will get more into other children as they mature as has been said on here but it's going to take a while. And he needs to find 'his type' of kid too.

I'm confident he's NT and doesn't have AS or anything fwiw and he's generally a fantastic little person - I guess I'm just pre-empting the inevitable school going on about this and wondering how much it matters if he is happy.

Miggsie - do you have examples of what would be 'ways of not socialising'?

He is fine e.g. at kids parties with joining in it's just that he doesn't really interact with the others, still does things in parallel iyswim.

Mine is a bit like this and is 3.5 also but has a baby sister. We have lots of playdates at ours and in my experience lots of the boys appear to play alongside each other rather than interacting.

A lot of the boys at his nursery are quite into playing together so he does stand out a bit.

He is a bit....eccentric I'm sure though. I wonder who he gets that from