Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Answering back - how do you deal with the smart comments your children come out with?

15 replies

McDreamy · 13/01/2009 19:54

DD is about to tun 6 and over the last few weeks has started answering me back with smart comments or just a plain "no"

I'm tired and irritable at the moment as I'm 35 weeks pregnant with baby no 3 which isn't helping at all and I know I'm not helping at all by getting cross with her - but how should I react?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

McDreamy · 13/01/2009 20:08

bump

OP posts:

sagacious · 13/01/2009 20:11

DS is nearly 7
I will tolerate one cheeky comment
Any more than that and I hit him where it hurts.... his wallet... he's obsessed with money and I only have to mention I'm in charge of pocket money (£1 a week ) and he's as good as gold.

mrsgboring · 13/01/2009 20:15

Oh gosh I don't know. I can't believe how young it all starts. DS is too young to be making smart comments, but he already argues his case in a way I can't believe. Where I've had to deal with it with older children I generally start using long words and superior expressions - it's a kind of I'm quite happy to enter into a cleverness competition with you, but I will win attitude.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 13/01/2009 20:15

my dd (5) is the master of the "but mum!..." drives me insane! I have found myself saying, in my best schoolmarm voice, "Are you a goat? No? Well kindly stop 'butting' me then!"

dd2 (3.7) just says "no!" I am going for the raised eyebrow approach that worked so well with my mum, but she is proving a tough nut to crack!

Original poster

McDreamy · 13/01/2009 20:17

That's the other thing, DS is 3.5 and a little star but when his sister starts answering back or saying no he just copies

OP posts:

cory · 13/01/2009 20:27

I make a difference between challenging my authority (which is permissible but isn't necessary going to get them anywhere) and being plain rude.

It is permissible to point out that I may have my facts wrong or that my reasoning is flawed.

It is not permissible to make rude personal comments.

And if it is a case of making a decision, then I am in charge.

They also understand that different rules appply outside the immediate family and that the history teacher is not going to relish being told that she gets her facts wrong (though she undeniably does!).

I have never needed to punish them for cheek, pointing out that a remark is upsetting is usually enough. The punishment for non-compliance is usually making them comply.

cory · 13/01/2009 20:29

dd started challenging my facts very early, just after she turned two (how do you know? did you read it in the paper? did you read it in a book?). funnily enough, now she is 12, she seems a lot more willing to accept that mummy might actually know a thing or two.

jellybelly25 · 14/01/2009 14:37

Laughing at cory's dd - how do you know - made me giggle!

Agree that it depends if it's rude or reasonable. Have often started speaking to dd1 in same way if she is rude to me (obviously camp it up so she knows I'm making a point rather than just generally being rude) and then ask her if she likes that? Or shall we speak nicely to each other and have a decent discussion?

It's a hard age though I find 7yos to be impossibe know it alls so maybe he's starting early.

Blow a raspberry at him if you can't be arsed to argue about it

jellybelly25 · 14/01/2009 14:39

sorry I mean SHE, got op comfused with sagacious

cornsilk · 14/01/2009 14:44

Ds2 is 7 and has started to be cheeky. He is sent straight to his room. He's not allowed out till all the 'attitude' has totally evaporated and he's apologised profusely. If nothing else it gives me an extra ten minutes on mumsnet!

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 14/01/2009 14:45

"I 'ate you" is one my five used to use a lot. I say used to use because it lost it's appeal after I started to reply "Don't be silly darling you haven't eaten me. You couldn't eat a whole person. Your tummy is too small"

If its "NO" I reply "It's non negotiable dd. I am not asking you I am telling you. You WILL be doing x and if you make a fuss about it I will stop you dancing/take away your ds/stop you walking the dog with me"

Or another

"DO NOT make me fight you dd. It will end in tears and they will not be mine."

me: "do you know what hell on means?"
dd1: "no whats hellon?"
me: "you will find out if you speak to me like that again and trust me you will NOT like it"

ksc · 14/01/2009 21:38

Im 35 weeks pregnant too and my 4.5 year old is driving me to distraction. All I seem to do is shout at him, say no all the time!! He has just started schoolt his last week and has been transformed from a reasonably well beahved 4 year old to devil child overnight. He back chats me, dervives great pleasure of answering virtually every quetion with pooh pooh wee wee head/pants, he seems to be hyper after school and when I ask him what he had done today I get "I don't know". Yet he has been awarded "Star of the day" twice in 2 weeks! he is doing great in class, but gets really boisterous at dinner. I want to be stress free at the moment but it's just not happening.

FuriousGeorge · 14/01/2009 23:08

My5 year old dd1 is the same.She is a really good,well behaved little thing,but does have an answer for everything & tries to get smart with me.Which I won't tolerate!

The other day she was being cheeky,so I told her who was in charge in our house and that it was me.She replied that,no I wasn't,God was in charge.I asked her since when had God cooked dinner,ironed clothes,cleaned ect.She rolled her eyes and said that he obviously couldn't because he was up in the sky.

I'm dreading her teenage years.

Othersideofthechannel · 15/01/2009 06:10

I usually try to show DS how to make the same point in a polite way. Either by mimicking as mentioned earlier or by giving him less offensive sounding words to use. Sometimes they just don't realise how what they have said comes across.

But he is entitled to say 'no' if he doesn't feel like doing something. Rather than threatening, sometimes not saying anything, just listening to the 'no' without getting cross can be effective. DS will often say 'no' a couple of times then stomp of saying 'no' and do whatever I requested.

KTNoo · 15/01/2009 11:29

dd (7) can understand my sarcasm now which often gets us out of potentially sticky situations where I feel she has been a bit rude but if I were to come over all "I am the parent" on her we could have full scale sulks etc.

I do tell her that there is a way to say things which will have postive results or negative results for her. For example, yesterday we ate at the cafe in the sports centre where she does dance lessons. She asked for a complicated burger with no cheese or salad, but when it arrived it had mayonnaise which she didn't want. She looked at it in disgust and said "I am not eating THAT." I took a deep breath and informed her that she could either leave it and I would take the money from her pocket money to pay for it, or she could ask me nicely to help her scrape the mayonnaise off. Guess which she chose?

Flip