My ds is like a teenager.. or perhaps a CEO... at the age of 5

[Lethal]

My ds is driving me round the bend at the moment. He's outspoken, likes organising everybody (he tries to organise adults as well as other kids), negotiates with me about everything and has an answer for everything. He also tries to get out of things he doesn't want to do. This morning when I got up there was a wrapper or something he'd left on the table, and before I even said anything, he said to me "It's your job to put that in the bin, I'm too busy". Last night he came up with some detailed reason for why it was MY job to clear the dinner table, not his (I usually get him to help clear up after tea), and he will try to argue something from every angle if he doesn't get his own way. On Easter Monday he had a group of about 10 adults & older kids organised into playing games, we were lining up and going along with what wanted us to do, and my SIL said (laughing) "I can't believe a child of his age has us eating out of his hand".

He can be a lovely child but sometimes I find it very tiring (mentally) dealing with him! He does get disciplined and doesn't always get what he wants, but he still has this 'resolve' about him... he doesn't give up easily. Does this sound familiar to anyone else?! I'm starting to wonder where he came from, as my brother and I were both quiet & shy as kids and I believe my dh was too. Maybe it's true that kids these days are just different to how we were?

Oh dear - no other challenging/bossy 5 yr olds out there, I see...

I was hoping to hear that I wasn't the only one

if something works for a child they tend to practice it until they perfect it...sounds like munipulation works well for him.....

you probably thought it was cute when he was lil and he just got better at it than you thought...and when you weren't looking, he got real good....dd is the same way...but now i don't even argue i just cut hair..she thinks she is always right...

Believe me there is a lot that he doesn't get away with, he gets disciplined and/or privileges taken away from him if he misbehaves. My parents (his grandparents) are unfortunately the main offenders They tend to spoil him and even if I say 'No', they will still allow him to have something - I've spoken to them about this several times. Dh and I feel like we're always on his back, he just has a strong personality and this kind of 'bargaining' etc has been going on since he was about 3... he just tries it on all the time.

On the other hand, he can be very sweet and compassionate - he just loves the opportunity to be in charge. I suppose that is something his schoolmates will teach him too, that he can't always be the leader or get his own way. I was really just wondering whether it's normal for children at his age to be so determined.

I only said to my DH the other day that our little girl who is 3.7yrs is like a stroppy teenager!!!!

I didnt expect to be spoken to like I am at the age she is, thought I had a while longer yet!!

She is also bossy.

My other friends have children both 4 and are also fed up with the way they are spoken to by them children.

So that makes 4 of us altogether, so there must be more!!!!

Hi Lethal my ds is also 5. It sounded like you were describing him! I thought i was doing something wrong tbh as he always has a reason why he should get what he wants (and no i dont let him have everything he wants either). He has right little strops and even trys to control that.. i think they are at the age when they are getting their own little ideas about the whole world and want to challenge EVERYTHING!.. I so understand the 'mentally' tiring bit.

Dont get me wrong i love ds to bits and actually i feel kinda bad saying that ds is not always perfect but he isnt and nor am i. Really though i was alone in this and am glad to see (sorry) that i am not.

Today though has been really good (and more days are than not iykwim) he has been helpful, considerate, attentive, loving, fun etc with miminmial demands that are run of the mill for a 5 year old (except for him letting bunny out of run twice and had to try and catch him.. the bunny that is.. and that isnt easy! - if you know monty pythons holy grail then you will know my bunny )

xx

I think he sounds great Lethal! But you're right, a 5yo shouldn't be in charge imo, although it's fair enough if they get a say in things. Could you draw up some house rules with him, so he agrees to them and then see if you can all stick to them? We have some typed on the wall with things like 'we all have to help each other' which is a bit wooly but means in the sweet wrapper instance, he would have to do it since it most certainly isn't just your/dh's job. And sometimes the answe to 'why do I have to do xyz?' is just 'because I said so/because I asked you to/please just do it' in our house when a long discussion isn't appropriate. Sometimes a long discussion is what they're after though ime, it delays bedtime/other unpleasant thing! So I think you do have to teach him where he can and cannot be in charge. It's good that he's questioning and curious and stuff but I can imagine it does get wearing and he does need to be taught that he can't always do it. Just read your other post, I wouldn't worry about grandparents spoiling him too much, he's old enough imo to understand that their rules and yours are different and presumably you have him more often than they do so have more influence? I'd let them indulge him but explain that different houses have diff rules sometimes.

Agree with www's post. Some very good tips/points there.

DD can also be very bossy. There are times when I simpy say "I'm not going to discuss it. Please do what I ask". She knows I mean business when that phrase comes out, so usually she obeys. It seems to work with dd, but maybe your son is too determined for that?

As far as bossing other people around, perhaps you could explain to him that sometimes other people don't like being bossed about. Also perhaps that he must be kind/considerate, and sometimes that means doing what others want - it's a version of "taking turns". It's a tough job attempting to teach them to think of others when they truly believe the world revolves around them!

How does he behave at school with the teachers/other children? Is he so domineering?

Thanks everyone for the advice. Earlybird, he's really starting to come good at pre-school, initially the teachers did have a couple of problems with him wanting to be chosen for things all the time (wanted to be the first to choose a book, wanted to be chosen to play a certain instrument, wanted certain toys even if someone else had them, etc etc). He used to complain quite loudly if he didn't get what he wanted but I spoke to his teacher a couple of weeks ago and she said he's been very good lately, she thinks it's finally sinking in that he can't always be first/the winner/the leader, IYKWIM. He's basically on only child (apart from an older step-brother), so maybe this has something to do with it..?

He does have a strong personality but he is not aggressive at all and he gets over things pretty quickly... he also has a great sense of humour and cares about people if they're sad or hurt, so I try to focus on his good qualities. He just seems to decide very quickly what he does or doesn't want and it can be hard to change his mind. Generally I find that he knows when I'm serious about something, and doesn't tend to push his luck too much in case he gets punished It's just the day-to-day battle of the wills that get tiring, and he does NOT give up easily... I think it's called pester-power??!

Lethal - 've just posted myslef about my dd who seems to be going through an earlier version of this - so no advice but much sympathy