How do you deal with a "tantrum" in a 12 month old.

[pamelat]

When DD is over tired (despite having had naps etc) I find it very difficult to manage and am not sure what to do.

Today I found myself giving her her lunch at lunch time in cafe nero (she should not have been that tired as bed time was half an hour away and we had just had a quiet hour in the library, which was lovely)

I am sat down with a cup of (expensive?!) tea and trying to feed her. she is strapped in to the highchair but constantly trying to stand up in it (her new trick).

I am trying to get her to eat (food that I know she likes) but she is wanting to feed herself (something which I encourage at home). I am trying to let her "help me" and she has her own spoon but suddenly she goes in to melt down.

She goes stiff, throws herself about and screams. I take her out of the high chair for a cuddle, more screams. I walk about a bit, still screaming. I try to feed her the petit filou on my lap, she throws it at me (in my nice new top ).

At this point, I realise we need to go and ask for a takeaway container.

She continues to scream and throw herself about, throwing herself in to my chest which then hurts both of us and she screams more. By this point I am quite stressed out and really wanting to leave (but wanting my £1.60 tea in a container !)

I let her sit on the floor which calms her instantly but its dirty and she wants to crawl around.

As soon as we leave she is fine, she is fine outside and in the car. I get her home and she goes straight to bed (no later than her normal nap time) so I wonder what I did wrong?

I just find it very difficult to hold her when she is doing this (and it probably isnt even a full blown tantrum at only 12 months?) and I genuinely think she could hurt herself throwing herself around like that. Its everything I can do to keep hold of her. So what should I have done and more importantly, could I have prevented this melt down?

It was lunch time and I figured it was as simple to feed her out as it was at home? Make the mess there instead of here.

I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong, but I'm no expert. I remember my DD at this age - she had her first tantrum on her first birthday when we too had taken her out for a special lunch outing. I think maybe it's a bit overwhelming for them to be out of their usual zone?
Anyway, all the books say to ignore tantrums, but I could never do this. I'd let her get on with it, making sure she didn't harm herself and stroked her head and comforted her until it was all over. I don;t know if this is the 'right' thing to do, but it worked for us.

It's only now, at the age of 19 months that I've started ignoring DD's tantrum-ing, but 's very rare

hth

Thank you.

I think I was extra stressed by being out too and with so many hot drinks around etc. I was really worried that she could hurt herself as there is not much space in our cafe nero (I don't normally even go in there)

I think that I find myself surprised by her recent strength and mobility too and she really hates being still or sitting down at the moment, but usually is distracted by food.

Give her a choccy biccie and a fruitshoot

Works a treat.

Okay maybe not the fruitshoot. But if you ever want to enjoy a coffee again in the next two years I'd go with the choccy biccie.

Normally I do "bribe" her with food but with it being her lunch time I only had savoury stuff and the petit filou. I should have bought a muffin?!

Yes I would have. It won't hurt so long as it's not her lunch every day.

Luckily for me dd2 eats well so any food will do. She is quite into chips atm. dd1 was a poor eater but even she couldn't resist a choccy muffin.

Oh I know where you are coming from! My ds, who was the most easy-going, placid baby, is now 14mo and seems to go into a rage at the slightest provocation! He wants something silly, say a knife that he has seen on the worktop. I tell him no. He screams and cries, then starts headbutting my legs and often progresses to lying face down, banging his head on the (stone-tiled!) floor. I think it is a stage (please noone try to tell me otherwise!) I try to get through it by being mega-cheerful and rational, especially when we are out in public- eg "Hmm, I hear what you are saying, ds, but that knife really wouldn't be a good thing for you to be wielding, especially in your current state. Interesting that you think smacking your head on the ground will help, but really I think you should stop now," while picking him up with an inane smile and a tra-la-la attitude!! Sometimes it works, sometimes it don't, but it makes me feel calmer!!

Might try your approach jooly, and just ignore the looks from bystanders

I am quite a self conscious person anyway so I don't like the attention that DD screaming draws to us, but guess I will get used to that.

I thought tantrums started at 2 but these seem to be at least mini ones.

Yeah- the bystanders are what used to get me flustered, so I find when I am speaking to ds I can also be speaking to them, IYKWIM!! Eg: "Now what can be the matter? I KNOW you can't be tired since you just had a nap, and you usually LOVE these yoghurts. Hmm" It's basically like being able to turn round and say to the gawpers- "Look, he isn't tired/ hungry, or any other well-meaning platitude you were about to come up with, so you can go back to your coffee, and I will sort my little terror out, ok??"

Yes I think that would help me.

I did loudly say "now it isn't even nap time yet honey" to show that I normally had some control in my life!!

I've posted about this recently... it is a nightmare isn't it!

I am 22 weeks pg and have a dd who is 1 next Friday. She has such rage and during meltdowns where she tends to try and lift the sofa in a mini-hulk-like style I tend to make sure she is safe that there is nothing that could injure her and let her get on with it.

The longest one has lasted is 45 mins. Pretty hardcore it was all over her sniffing her feet... every morning I will take her feet out of her babygro and sniff her feet and say 'cheesy feet' in a high voice which she find hilarious... we were sitting on the sofa together and she took her socks off and started to sniff her own feet, because I didn't react straight away she smacked herself in her mouth prompting a huge melt down... madness.

She will start meltdowns by generally causing herself pain, as she is teething at the moment whacking her mouth tends to do the trick.

You could do exactly the same as you did today tomorrow and your little one who behave the opposite, they are just unpredictable at this age I find, instaed of stressing I tend to just go with it now because my dd thrives off my stress! Little buggers!!

If you can't bear leaving them to thrashing it out though, I have found turning the radio up so it drowns out the screaming and then dancing round the lounge tends to divert their attention!!

Good Luck

do you remember that advert with the mom in the supermarket and she has a tantrum on the floor instaed of her child- that's me when Ruby tends to kick off in public! I couldn't care what people think.. especially the old ones they are just the worst aren't they- what makes it worse though is when strangers tend to try and intervene and it makes my little one even more mental!!

Once when DD screamed (for no apparent reason) in the house I did also scream and she stopped and laughed at me but I was a bit worried that I was encouraging her!

I do need to get over the embarassment that comes with it as I am sure she is worse once I am embaressed/anxious/stressed etc.