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Behaviour/development

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18 mo seems to take a lot more notice of Daddy than Mummy....

6 replies

OiMum · 13/01/2009 13:06

My 18 month old is a gorgeous, affectionate little boy who is by no means a monster but we have noticed lately that his father's word seems to have a lot more meaning than my own. He behaves himself for me and when I say 'no' it generally gets listened to but, for instance, meal times- the only way we can get him to eat something vaguely unfamiliar is if I leave the room and his dad sits next to him helping him and encouraging- he's as good as gold and gets on with it after a minute or so. For me he will just flat out refuse it and scream. I put him down at night and he generally goes off without a problem but if he wakes in the night his dad has to go in as he will just lay back down and settle down whereas if I attempt it he's begging for a cuddle and screams when I leave the room. He's been a bit tantrummy lately but we've put that down to his age and a bit of boundary testing. We both receive the same treatment on this front.

I console myself with the thought that it's bred from familiarity as he spends a lot more time with me than he does with his dad. I get upset that he doesn't seem to respect me as much and his dad gets upset that he doesn't get as much affection from him. Pair of lunatics? Should we just be happy that he's healthy and happy and both of us have our place- I have the nurturing and affection side and his dad has the big boy fun and discipline side? Don't get me wrong- I'm no push over but his dad's warnings seem to work much quicker than mine!!

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HSMM · 13/01/2009 13:09

My DD was a terrible Daddy's girl when she was little. He was God and I was just some incompetent (sp?) idiot. However ... now she's 9, she's definitely a Mummy's girl and even credits me with some intelligence.

LackaDAISYcal · 13/01/2009 13:10

Seems pretty normal to me, and is a phase that will pass.

then pretty soon, he won't listen or behave for either of you

wishingchair · 13/01/2009 13:14

It is bred from familiarity but in a month's time it could be different again. IME they swing from one to the other. At some times you're top of the pops, at others it'll be daddy. What he relies on you both for now will be different to what he needs in the future so just both be consistent on the discipline, and both be affectionate and fun ... don't pigeon-hole yourselves at this early stage.

(and it is very frustrating that father's warnings are more effective ... I don't know why that is. My DDs are angry and upset if I tell them off but they are MORTIFIED if DH does it. Grrr)

OiMum · 13/01/2009 13:15

I am pleased to hear it! He's by no means the devil incarnate but he definitely knows my thread's considerably longer than daddy's. They get you worked out so quickly!

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OiMum · 13/01/2009 13:19

You're right whishingchair- he gets very upset if I tell him off but if daddy says no it's as if the Lord himself has spoken.

On the fun front- we share that pretty well. He knows daddy's always good if you want to be lobbed in the air repeatedly or get a bit rough whereas mummy seems to be the best bet for playing 'find the crocodile' and reading 'Calm Down Boris'.

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EBenes · 13/01/2009 13:35

It is boundary testing, and he's so little you shouldn't worry about disciplining and you seem pretty calm about it all anyway. I only talked seriously to mine at that age when she was in danger of hurting herself.

Because you spend more time with him, he takes you for granted, that you will be there, that you love him. He has to try to win his dad over. DD is like this with her dad, she's funny with him, they tell jokes, she tells me to get out of the room. I like that, I like that they get on. He doesn't have to try with you. It's good that he feels like that, you should be very happy, you've been a good mother.

We agreed when I was still pregnant that I would be the discipline/authority. That was because I was having a girl and I just think that's a nice way of doing things, because men are a bit more genuinely scary than women. But with a boy, there may really be an element of them knowing which gender they are and seeing that as a special role model, and you may want your dh to have equal disciplinary rights, whatever, that's all fine, I think.

In terms of restoring authority to you AS WELL, this is what we did to do it just with me. DH always says 'Mummy says...' when telling DD what she should do, or warning her she's being bad. We do a bit of play acting where they're having a laugh and if it goes too far I come along and tell them and DH says 'Oh, we have to do what Mummy says.'

TBH, it sounds like you're both doing a brilliant job. 18mo's play up. Yours is just trying harder to be loved with his dad because he knows he has you.

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