What is wrong with my 4 year old daughter ??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter is nearly 4, she is usually very well behaved although she has her moments. Recently she is a compleate nightmare though. She still won't poo on the toilet, she's having more wetting accidents, it seems as if she's constantly whinning and always wants her Daddy to do everything. She used to be content with me putting her to bed getting her dressed etc but now she only wants her Dad.
She dosn't want to go to nursery and burst out crying when I said yesterday that we were going to see Grandad. All she wants to do when she's at home is watch Cbeebies. I don't like her watching too much, but recently it's the only thing that will keep her entertained.
I've lost my temper with her a few times and shouted at her, which I feel really guilty about but it's worked.
I'm not sure how to handle this behaviour, she's driving me to distraction.

is she just a bit tired and rundown?
this kind of behaviour usually precipitates tonsilitis in our house?

It sounds as though she is unsettled by something. Have there been any major changes in your family life? ANything in particular that could make her clingy to Daddy such as change of work hours? Has he taken up a new hobby that she is aware of?
ds can be a bit like this when he's overtired - at the end of last term for example he basically just needed a break, and as soon as the school hols started and he caught up on some unstructured relaxation time, he was fine. Could that be it, has she been very busy recently, could she be exhausted?

She might be, she used to go to bed at 6pm every night and now it's usually 7:30- 8pm by the time she's settled.

This is her 3rd day back at nursery after a long christmas holliday. She dosn't do any acctivities outside of nursery. She's there 3 days from 9-3 and 2 days from 9-1.
She always comes out of nursery skipping and singing and quite hyper but with a very short fuse.

hi mummyloveslucy, sympathy coming your way - i agree with the others that this sounds like she is exhausted and having trouble getting back into her nursery routine after the break. mine were grey with exhaustion after only a three-day week, by this weekend, snappy and irritable, after a very pleasant xmas break during which they were relaxed and happy. grrr!

she is probably tired, i had a very irritable lucy this weekend after being back at nursery just two days this week. She will be there all week this week, but she just does 9-11.30. To be entirely honest with you, i will gladly swap - would love my DD to sit and watch Cbeebies for an hour or so, we have it on, but she wants me to play the whole time - from the time she gets up its - play mummy, come on, play - it really gets in the way of me getting stuff done. She has quite a low attention span and its quite hard to occupy her.

What about making some cakes or biscuits? Would she like to do that with you - its quite a quiet thing to do together, tv off, could have Cbeebies radio on in the back ground. But she is at nursery quite a long time really so maybe she just wants to chill out a bit.

Don't even get me started about the Daddies girl thing, i am not allowed to put my lucy to bed either - it has to be Daddy and she plays him up a merry dance i can tell you. But you know what, he has cultured that so i am quite happy to come and chill out and have a quick tidy while he does it. It is upsetting though when they just want dad but its a phase.

I reckon that might be your los problem, its a phase - repeat ITS A PHASE!! She might be having a growth spurt and feeling tired. We just started going to football club last week, lucy really loved it, in fact when we asked her what she wanted to do yesterday, we were able to escape the soft play and go and kick a ball around, it was lovely - and she was knackered

Ive read lots of your posts and i know you are a great mum, just go with the flow with this one and hopefully it will pass quickly

Hi, thank you so much everyone for all your posts, I'm sure you're right.
Sorry I hav'nt replied untill now as I've been working nights.
Thank you LucyEllensMummy, that's really kind of you. xx

I think our expectations can change quite dramatically when they reach 4. 3 is just past toddler age, but 4 sounds so much more grown up, and we are suddenly expecting them to wipe their own bums, put their own coat on etc

Not sure what I can add, but I sympathise with the Daddy Daddy issue. Both my DSs are in Daddy mode. Recently DS2 (just 2) shouted "Mummy out the car" on repeat for ages. I'd have been marooned half way up a mountain! I think they love me really.

I think Lilith has a good point, but it's not just our expectations of them at 4 that change, it's THEIR own as well. All the 4 year olds I have looked after have suddenly wanted to be more Grown Up at 4/5 and have got very frustrated with their own lack of manual dexterity/capabilities/emotional maturity to handle all the grown up things they want to do. They want to be Big Kids, and can act very convincingly like them some of the time, but in reality they have just barely left toddlerhood and still need to be guided and supported. It sounds like the OP's little one is just exhausted and is acting out as a result. I'd go back to earlier bedtimes, less tv (I personally feel over 20 minutes of tv at that age over-stimulates as opposed to calms/entertains), and several days of the same thing happening at the same time so she can settle down into a routine again and hopefully feel more secure and less fractious. I find 4-5 a really tough age as children want to do so much more than their bodies and minds are ready for, and it's a fine line between encouraging self-sufficiency and independence, and expecting too much too soon.

Lol at expecting them to wipe their own bums, I'd be extatic if she did a poo on the toilet once in a while.
I've banned Cbeebies, She only watches it for about 20 mins while I make dinner. It's made a huge difference. We fill the time playing, chatting and listening/ singing to music. She's going to bed at 6pm again, as she dosn't wyne for the bed time hour. So far she hasn't really missed T.V and I've really enjoyed the quality interaction, I hope she has too.
Thanks again everyone.