Is it possible to have aspergers but be very well behaved at school? Please help!

[cremeeggs]

I don't know how to handle DD aged 8. She is so challenging at times - has always needed a lot of attention compared to her older brother - she has spent the weekend following me or DH around crying, wailing and saying she's bored. Every time we sit down to play with her she says she doesn't want to do that activity any more and walks off. if I help her set up an activity she gets bored after 5 minutes or gets cross with it. She does have periods of playing on her own or with DS very nicely, but then has phases where she seems impossible to please and we are walking on eggshells as just asking her to sit down and eat provokes a huge tantrum. She has always been like this since she was a baby.

However she is fantastic at school, has lots of friends and does well with her work and behaves really well in class. However sometimes when she has invited a child round to play she refuses pointblank to play with them and won't share toys or even talk to them, even when it's a good friend from school.

She also seems to have comprehension problems with anything jokey/a bit complicated and we always have to explain jokes several times to her. She takes everything literally and can't understand "pulling your leg" for example. So i was wondering if she could have mild aspergers?

Am really feeling down about this as it's ruining our weekends and family time as we just can't plan ahead or have chill-out time at home without her having a meltdown. She sleeps well and eats well and gets lots of exercise so i don't think it's physical.

If she is behaving differently at school have you spoken with the teaching staff about how they see her or manage her behaviours. What is different there?

you also don't say where abouts in the family she is, middle or youngest child?

Are there any times that she is different to how you have described and when is this?

I would have a chat with the school and then possibly your GP. But bearing in mind that a diagnosis would be just that, a label. There are limited resources attached to labels these days and you would be giving this label to your child for life.

It is hard to tell but from what you describe I feel there would be a number of other factors to explore before a route of autistic spectrum condition is mooted.

thanks for the input - I do ask every parents evening how she is as school and explain why I'm asking. They look at me as if I'm mad as they find her very well-behaved and easy to teach. She is good at resolving conflicts at school - her current teacher says she'slike the class social worker!!

She's the youngest child and does seem to constantly crave attention -incessantly interrupts adult conversations, phone calls etc. We've tried everything - star charts, naughty step, positive rewards for good behaviour and ignoring the negative stuff...

I try not to fix her boredom for her but if we don';t help her find activities mostly she won't find them on her own, she just tips toy tubs out and has tantrums. It really depends on her mood as if she's in a good mood (usually after school!) she'll happily play with her dolls etc. But if she's in a cranky mood she's destructive, whiney and generally not good company!

cremeeggs why don't you try posting on the Special Needs board ... may get some further input.

You might want to try some of the techniques recommended for children with Aspergers, like a visual timetable (photos of events you do regularly on a chart on the wall). Prewarning about changes in the normal routine. Post on the SEN board as there are many parents with experience there.

thanks, will try that!