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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is this bad behaviour, or just normal 6 year-old boys stuff?

22 replies

whippet · 11/01/2009 10:40

DS had a friend, B, to sleepover for the first time on Friday.
They are old friends, and have known each other since 6 months old, but don't see each other that often as are now in different schools/ live further away.

Although I know B can be lively and a bit of a handful I was quite shocked by his behaviour in the time he was here, e.g.

called DH a 'loser' and marched about making an 'L' sign at him
it took us an hour and a half to get him to settle after 'lights out' at 8 pm. He kept getting up making spurious, silly requests, and running around upstairs
bounced up an down on his mattress on the floor like a trampoline, despite me telling him not to several times (which increasing severity)
persuaded DS to help him baracade them into DS's bedroom this morning, and when tried to close the door on me when I insisted on coming in to see what happened (lots of banging), saying "go away, you can't come in, this is OUR room"
DS has also told me that B said "sh*t" too, although I didn't hear it.

And apart from that, he just generally was rude about everything, wouldn't do anything I asked, threw things around, pulled cushions off sofas and never once said please or thank you about anything.

I would be mortified if I thought my kids behaved like this at someone elses house. Am I just old-fashioned?

When he went home I just felt so relieved, and of course didn't say anything to his mum

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Ros3 · 11/01/2009 11:08

yes and no...I think 6 is very young for a sleepover plus the thought of a stayng over at his friends house would have been very exciting to the point you describe above,

I would wait a couple of years, but it may also depend on the natrure of the child,

mummyofboys · 11/01/2009 16:59

Too young for sleepovers imo. My oldest DS didn't get involved in them 'till he was about 8-9, even then they were a real effort. Boys are generally immature and incredibly excitable at this age.

I would have mentioned the bad language to the mum on the quiet - she needs to know he's using it. Also, would have hinted it was 'testing' - mind you she'll get the message when you never suggest it again

Trampolining on mattress, barricading the door shut - all pretty normal and boyish, I think. What did your ds think about his behavior ?

Coldtits · 11/01/2009 17:01

Sounds like a very over excited 6 year old boy - to be expected, 6 is veery young to be stopping out overnight away from your own parental influence.

herbietea · 11/01/2009 17:05

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herbietea · 11/01/2009 17:05

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slalomsuki · 11/01/2009 17:13

My ds2 who is just 6 went for a sleepover last weekend and I had the older brother for my ds1 in return.

The mother of the boy my ds2 went to said he was well behaved,said please and thanks you and cleared up after play. Her son wasn't too bad in return but was a little demanding whan asking for things

Overall it was a sucess and I would say its down to the child and the rules the parents have at home. I wouldn't allow terms like your boy B used here and I would have told him so in no uncertain terms and even threatened to send him home. I would also have had a word with the mother

katiek123 · 12/01/2009 10:35

whippet - that was totally unacceptable behaviour. guess i'm old-fashioned too! i have a 5 year old and i would be shocked and horrified if i found out he had behaved like this under any circs, including a sleepover. he is very far from perfect, but the behaviour you describe is just not on, IMHO. i would do your friend a favour and let her know, to be honest - in a kind and perhaps understating-the-whole-truth sort of way! i would really, really want to know if my little boy had behaved like that elsewhere.

he has a friend very like this boy you describe, excitable, immature and rude at times, and from my observation of his behaviour at our house i would never ask him round for a sleepover - i am sure we would get into the same sort of situation you were in straightaway. i am hoping to leave sleepovers until they are older as others have said, though DS has been on one, at the other mum's request.

kittywise · 12/01/2009 10:37

nightmare child, no it's not normal.

kitbit · 12/01/2009 10:39

ds is 4, and has had a sleepover at his little friend's house recently. I would be mortified if he behaved like that. At any time, sleepover or not, and to me or anyone else.

Not unreasonable and not old fashioned. He was very rude and insolent by the sound of it.

Katw3kitts · 12/01/2009 10:42

My children dont behave like this and I would be mortified if they had friends who did.

How did your son feel the sleepover had gone ? does he want to to his friends house ?

mrsmaidamess · 12/01/2009 10:46

whippet my ds has a couple of friends who fit the description of your sons 'nightmare' friend. Needless to say they do not get invited round often and certainly never for a sleep over!

I'm sure you won't be making that mistake again! Its a real eye opener though isn't it? If my ds behaved like these kids do round at someone elses house I would be mortified.

mrsmaidamess · 12/01/2009 10:46

There, that's 3 of us mortified!

CatMandu · 12/01/2009 10:48

Hmm, I think parts of it are normal ie. trampoline, not settling etc but not responding to your requests is not great. I do agree with all the others that 6 is too young for a sleepover, especially with boys.

cory · 12/01/2009 10:51

I have had a stream of children passing through this house over the years and I have to say behaviour varies enormously, not only from child to child but from day to day. I wouldn't have a problem with gently pulling a child up over their language or other behaviour. Have never had to take anyone home yet, but would do it if I had to.

blueshoes · 12/01/2009 11:11

Sounds appalling. Agree with cory about gently setting limits and sending home if necessary. He might be too young for a sleepover.

Smithagain · 12/01/2009 11:18

Hmmm - I have a six year old girl. She might well behave like that when highly-over-excited. I hope she wouldn't do so in someone else's house - she's generally described as a good guest. But maybe if it was really, really exciting .....

She has a couple of friends who I can well imagine behaving like and and they are, generally, pleasant but lively kids.

Am still putting sleepovers off, on the pretext that she shares a room with her little sister. Might carry on putting them off for a bit longer

tigermoth · 12/01/2009 11:35

I think the excitiment was inevitable - their first sleepover, best friends who have not seen each other for a long while, relatively young ages - all a potent mix!

I think the jumping on mattresses, barricading doors, telling you to keep out is normal over-excited 6 year old boy stuff, judging from my sons and their friends when they were that age.

But when you asked the boys to be quieter, the other boy should have calmed down a bit, as he was a guest in your house. Even if you had to keep repeating the 'rules' he should have responded to them respectfully each time, even if he then 'forgot' to keep them

TBH in your shoes, I would have put the boys to bed much later than 8.00 pm. (this is what I do when my sons had sleepovers at that age). I make sure everyone was tired and calmed down(as much as poss!)before bedtime - would put on a dvd for them, and make sure they had a nice carbohydrate rich supper - pizza, pasta etc. Bedtime would be around 9.30 - 10.30, just to ensure they were tired enough to sleep.

You were brave to host a sleepover for 6 year olds - tbh, I don't think you could have expected it to be easy when they are that young.

If they are good friends, don't let this stop you arranging meet ups between them, even if you veer away from sleepovers.

katiek123 · 12/01/2009 11:43

that's interesting tiger moth - when DD (7) has had (rare, so far) sleepovers i've actually followed the opposite approach, put them to bed if anything earlier than usual to allow for the inevitable endless messing around, giggling, planning of midnight feasts etc then wade in around 9 - half 9 to separate them in order to get them to sleep. then i pop DD back in with her friend half an hour later and they wake up together in the morning. guess i might try your approach when she'd a bit older though! i agree that some of the behaviour was inevitable - my DS can barricade doors with the best of them - but it's the rudeness and disobedience that would really have got to me. when my friend's DS (the one with problem behaviour) comes to play i just do not know how to tackle his lack of obedience and have settled on simply stopping asking him round so much - a shame as i really like his mum!

tigermoth · 12/01/2009 11:55

katiek123, I can see how your way works, too. If you know your dd and her friend like to talk in bed for a long time, then that is probably best for you.

Whippet - when you tried to get the boy to do things your way, did you issue any threats to back up your words? How firm were you?

I do think the boy's attitude to your request was not good, and if this is usual for him, you need to say something to his mother. But make it a specific, not a general comment as IMO that can sound too 'judgy'

FWIW, one of my sons has a friend whom he's known since they were babies - they are now both 14. They have seen each other sporadically over the years as they don't live near each other or go to the same school. I have noticed how both boys' behaviour can vary so much from one meeting to another. Sometimes my son is the bad one, sometimes his friend, sometimes they are both as bad as each other, other times they are surprisingly good. As they only see each other a few times a year, the changes to their behaviour can be very marked.

pollycazalet · 12/01/2009 11:59

Par for the course on a sleepover for children to take ages to settle and be silly about letting you into the room.

But I am surprised that so many people think that a six year old boy calling your DH a loser, being generally rude and ignoring your requests is due to overexcitement and is normal behaviour! I don't think so.

poshwellies · 12/01/2009 12:14

Does the 6 yr old have older siblings? I have a 6 yr old ds and he comes out with rubbish like that,mainly due to the fact he has a sulky,moody teenage sister.

I would of thought the behaviour of the boy was due to the excitement,not pleasant,but 6 year old boys can be very silly when excited/hyped up.I would be telling the childs mother about the swearing and that he didn't settle very well.

I surprised you got them to sleep at 8pm,I refuse all asks of sleepovers -I like my sanity!

wannaBe · 12/01/2009 12:24

sounds like a nightmare child and I wouldn't have him for a sleepover again. I've never hoasted a sleepover and I don't intend to either for as long as I can avoid doing so.

The not settling at bed time I would say is due to over excitement and is normal probably on any sleepover tbh. but the rudeness, the calling your dh a loser and disrespecting your property such as pulling cushions off the sofas and using the matras as a trampoline is out of order but tbh would imply to me that he doesn't get very much discipline at home.

Children are generally better behaved for someone else than they are for their own parents so i would be wondering what he's allowed to get away with in his own house.

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