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Behaviour/development

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18month old is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!! And I feel like a crap mother.

18 replies

cantpickyourfamily · 08/01/2009 19:55

She is unwell at the moment, but she is driving me mad, she is always difficult but now is even worse. Last few nights she wakes every hour or 2hours and wants me to take her to sleep on the sofa, not sure if I should give in or if this will start bad habits.

Also she is not eating well in the day so wants to eat at night but again am worried about starting bad habits as has been waking up for food in the night for a while befor she was ill.

I am a single parent and feel stuck in the house with dd at the moment it is such hard work.

I always give into dd which makes me feel like a bad mother. And this morning she was moaning and whinging for no reason and after having very little sleep last night I lost my temper and shouted and threw her dried cheerios around the room, then she calmed down stopped moaning and calmly watched tv and ate her food.

I know that was not the right thing to do, but I do not understand dd, I normally speak to her so nicely and never shout and she walks all over the top of me. But when I lost my temper she behaved in a better way.

I do try to speak to her in a firm voice when she is being naughty but that has no effect and she often laughs at me. Recently she has started finding it funny to wack people on the head with things and when I tell her off she laughs and does it again.

I think maybe I need some sort of parenting course as I feel useless.

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meandjoe · 08/01/2009 20:36

bump xxx

p.s you're not a bad mother.

nowwearefour · 08/01/2009 20:36

it is a difficult age. doing it on your own must be hard- i struggle v much with similar issues with my 19 month old. She is v v strong willed too. Trust me it is clearly your dd who is going to be bright and an interesting person i am sure! hang ing there. the phases will pass. take one day at a time. it sounds like you ar edoing a brilliant job. i always give into my 19 month old as she is SUCH a nightmare. i never give in to my older dd as she puts up and shuts up. is not right but we live in the real world. hang in there.

cantpickyourfamily · 08/01/2009 20:59

thanks for the support, dd is very bright and that is why i feel i need to learn how to deal with her properly as i'm worried she will walk all over the top of me...

If I try to put clothes on her that she doesn'r want towear she says 'nar nar nar' while laughing at me. Sometimes I think she is winding me up on purpose...

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pamplemousse · 08/01/2009 21:06

Don't worry you are not a bad mum, we all shout sometimes. Its hard when they're ill.
My dd laughs at me when I'm cross too, I found eventually that it was better to distract her than tell her off, then she didn't get a chance to laugh or say no. Now she's 2 she screams no no no at me, I try so so hard to pretend its doesn't wind me up, she doesn't do it much.
Can you wrap your dd up warm an take her out for a bit? I always find mine is a nightmare if we spend too much time in at home?
I'm sure others have better advice, best of luck with it

mamadoc · 08/01/2009 21:15

I am sure you are not any worse than the rest of us!
DD (20mo) has also been ill for what seems like weeks and today was the first nice day i have had with her in ages. It does make things so much worse when they are ill especially if you've got it yourself. I remembered today that DD is actually quite a good laugh sometimes but before that we'd had days of constant whinging and wanting to be carried everywhere, not eating, waking in the night etc etc
Maybe it will all seem a bit better when she gets over it?

Ohforfoxsake · 08/01/2009 21:17

Don't take it personally! It is normal toddler behaviour. My DD is the same age and driving me maaaad. I'm just not good at this age. Give me a newborn and the sleepless nights and cracked nipples any day.

It is a hard stage. It passes. you are not a bad parent, and you are not alone

be kind to yourself.

cantpickyourfamily · 08/01/2009 21:19

i just worry that i cannot disapline dd if she does not take me seriosly. and i do not want to shout at her to make her calm down but that is the only thing that i have seen work so far.

I took her out today for breakfast as ran out of milk, but I cannot be bothered to go anywhere at the moment as have got so many stresses at the moment as I have recently broke up with dd's violent dad and am trying to move house.

When I am at home I am supposed to be tidying or packing but I do nothing then nap with dd as she has been keeping me up all night...

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cantpickyourfamily · 08/01/2009 21:22

mamadoc - I'm sure we will start having fun again when dd is better but this winter she seems to be ill all the time, ear and throat infections constantly. It is very draining...

ohforfoxsake - I agree with you atleast with newborns everyone knows they do not sleep well but everyone expects a 18month old to sleep all night and go to sleep alone. Not like my dd who has to be walked around or rocked to sleep...

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mamadoc · 08/01/2009 21:37

Maybe I am too soft but I don't really know any effective ways to discipline an 18mo either!
The strategies I have are 1) trying to head it off ie she is often a pain when tired or hungry so trying not to miss any snacks or naps and stupid distraction stuff at the first sign of trouble (but its hard work and often I fail)
2) trying to only fight big battles eg I don't tell her off for making mess/ being a bit annoying but only bad stuff mainly hitting or throwing things
3) For hitting I say no and put her down/ walk away/ stop playing for just a few seconds usually she then starts crying so i wait for her to calm down a bit then ask her if she wants to say sorry and have a cuddle (she doesn't usually manage sorry but gets cuddle anyway)
Whenever I have lost it and shouted at DD which is fairly often she looks really shocked and starts sobbing and I feel guilty and remember that I am supposed to be the adult showing her how to behave. I don't think shouting is going to work long term tbh.
Sounds like you are going through a really rough time right now though. You are doing your best and noone can do any better than that (I sound like my mum now!)

Ohforfoxsake · 08/01/2009 21:38

toddlers can also be a lot of fun and lovely as they learn to kiss and cuddle at this age.

My advice is not to fight it, and try to enjoy her. She is probably wanting some control now. And they learn very early on that they can push our buttons - and that they enjoy it.

Ignore and distract as much as you can, and the stuff you can't ignore remove her from the situation, perhaps to a chair to sit quietly with you for a minute or two.

You are tired and having a very bad time. If you do 'give in' think of it as making things easier for yourself. She might be conscious of what's going on too, so could be a bit unsettled.

This will pass, and things will get better

cantpickyourfamily · 08/01/2009 21:47

i'm not so worried about disciplining dd now in the future is my worry as she doesn't do anything i say and always plays up with me.

Today she wouldn't go in her pram, so i gave her to my mum and she went in no problem. she is much better behaved with everyone then she is with me...

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pamplemousse · 08/01/2009 22:16

That is completely normal I promise. My dd will eat anything anyone else gives her and refuses almost anything I give her, even identical food.
She will do anything for my friend, anything. All the things she messes about with like getting dressed or leaving somewhere she is enjoying, if my friend says lets do this or that she does it, with me she argues.
I'm sure its a stage, we are the only ones they can challenge as they know we will not leave them iyswim? And they try it on continually, its hard but don't take it personally, you sound like you have a lot on your plate atm.
Just look at how many others have replied saying their kids do the same, its not you It will get better

Ohforfoxsake · 08/01/2009 22:18

It's not you. Well, it is insomuch that its your boundries she is pushing, but its not against you IYSWIM.

My DD wouldn't go in the other day, but after 4 I excel at the 'bend the ironing board with my elbow' technique.

Really, they all do it. Please don't let it make you feel bad aboud you. Perhaps you are feeling low because of all that is going on, and its just one more thing to make you feel crap?

You sound like you are doing a good job. If I were to say the one thing you are doing wrong its being too hard on yourself! Watch her sleeping. The days toddler-trouble melts away. They all look like angels when sleeping

Ohforfoxsake · 08/01/2009 22:22

Have a look at your GPs surgery or local council/library if you do want to do a parenting course. If nothing else it might give you confidence in what you are doing already.

cantpickyourfamily · 11/01/2009 10:15

pamplemousse - dd acts like that with my sister, does anything without moaning, but my sister is not a push over like me so maybe dd can sense that.

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cantpickyourfamily · 11/01/2009 10:18

ohforfox - Usually when I watch her sleep it does make me feel better, but at the momewnt we are going to bed at the same time (very late) so I dont get the chance to watch her sleep.

I think I will look into classes, but I hope they are not going to be the type for parents that are clueless as I am not that bad.

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catweazle · 11/01/2009 11:41

I'm another one failing miserably

My DD is 21 mo and exactly as you describe yours. She has another cold and has spent all weekend whining "up up". She slept a lot yesterday so was still rampaging round our bed after midnight. I've done nothing but shout this last 48 hours and I do feel rotten because she's at nursery all week.

cantpickyourfamily · 11/01/2009 16:18

oh no sounds a nightmare, does dd sleep in your bed normally?

I know you feel terrible for getting annoed when it is not really their fault as they are ill, but very hard work for us.

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