My DD 4 says DSS 6 Puts his tongue in her mouth, and she doesn't like it

[MrsParker]

I posted on step parenting page, but only got 2 replies so thought i'd try here too.

I work weekends and dp looks after my dd 4, dss 6 and our ds 9months. i work weekends and dp looks after all 3 children.

My DD tells me tonight at bedtime that dss asks her to snog him and she doesn't want too. That he puts his tongue in her mouth and she doesn't like it.

Came down quite upset and told dp. Ended up rowing, him saying that dd kicks and pinches, That maybe dd is lying and that i always pick on dss

Not sure what to do. Feel i need to protect her. Anyone?

hi i am no expert but it sounds like its inappropriate behaviour and needs nipping in the bud. he may not know its wrong

i would ask your daughter again what happened, in hearing of your dp. 4 year olds do make up stories but not of that nature (mine makes up tales about big bad wolves etc)

if you think its true, then i think your dp could have a little chat to his son and get to the bottom of it - tell him its not acceptable. i know its touchy tackling partners about step kids, but you need to sort this one out for both kids sake

Im not saying it could lead to more disturbing things, but the boy needs to know whats acceptable behaviour

hope you get things sorted

Can you find out what has made him do this? Something he has seen on tv? or something his friends have said. If you can find out where it comes from perhaps you can approach him about it. Then perhaps get the 2 dc together and talk it through. I can't believe how upsetting this must be for you and your dd. It is most likely something he has seen somewhere and doesn't know it is wrong. good luck

I've spoken to dd's school. They spoke to a child protection officer. They are not to concerned, but i am!

I believe dd. Partner will not comment til he's spoken to dss who comes at weekends.

I'm very confused. Worry that if this can hapen under our noses what else could happen.

Anyone else agree that i am right to be very worried, or do you think i'm overreacting?

I would be concerned too.

Make it clear to your DD she was right to tell you and she can shout at DSS not to do it.

Make it clear to DSS that she doesn't like it and he is not to do it anymore.

Sort out the issues with DP.

TBH I think you are over reacting. Sorry. He has probably just seen it on the TV and copying it. He needs to be told by your DH to stop doing it.

Of course it is important for girls having a choice over their own body. But lets not try and read too much into a 6 year old boy acting like an idiot.

He is 6 - what the feck else do you think he is doing?

Just tell him it is not appropriate next time he comes - getting the child protection officer involved is a step too far me thinks.

He is very young. I think you and DP tell him that it is inappropriate-something that he will do when he is older, but not to a sister.
You should make sure that DD knows that she never has to do anything that she doesn't want to do and that she should tell you if there is anything that she isn't happy about.
Give her a strategy of how to respond.

I would keep an eye. DD needs to have her control over her own body and choices confirmed from a young age. Sad but true. I would also tell them both together that french kissing is not something for children that it's natural to be curious but both parties (grown ups) need to be in agreement. It's not for takes.

You should tell your DD that she should tell him not to do it and tell your DP if it happens again.

However I would want to find out why DSS was doing it. It may just be copying something he has seen, or there may be more to it as KM points out.

When you spoke to the child protection officer, were you concerned for DD or DSS?

I'm not jumping to an "it must be something sinister" conclusion BTW.

Sounds like he is just copying something and not realising he is being inappropraite as he's still very young.
Whats more worrying is the fact that your DP is saying straight off that he doesnt believe your DD and in response to you saying 'DSS did X' he has said 'well your DD kicks and pinches'
You need to calmly chat to DP about it becuase you dont want him to be watching them while you are working and your DD to call out for him if DSS tries something and your DP to then tell her off for lying...

My dd worships the ground dss walks on. She does whatever he says. He Often tells her your not my sister anymore, or your not my friend if she doesn't do what he wants.

I guess that is why i'm more worried, because she's so weak willed and wiling to please.

Thank you for the replies.

my dd's school contacted the child protection officer as i told them what happened, and as i said they were not realy concerned. Guess i'm just doing my job and trying to protect her

It would be best if you could enlist your partner's support so that he can talk to his ds about appropriate behaviour - so your dss doesn't feel like it's just you taking your dd's side against him.

He is only six which is young to understand about appropriate and inappropriate behaviour yet so I wouldn't read anything too sinister into it. I once had to explain to a sixteen year old boy (I'm a teacher) that pulling down a girl's tracksuit trousers was not just an amusing joke but sexual harassment and he was appalled!