How can I build up my 3.5 DS confidence to do new things on his own?

[Barmymummy]

My little boy is a complicated little creature lol! He was very clingy as a baby and whilst this has obviously improved alot now he is much older, he is still very mummyfied!

Problems are occuring when he has to go somewhere or do something on his own. I had awful problems leaving him with family whilst I went out and though he is better with this now he is still very apprehensive. Leaving him with friends is a no no!

When I joined a gym I left him in a creche and ended up having to leave the gym altogether as he would scream the place down every time he went. This has carried on to playschool. It took him 6 full weeks with me there 100% of the time to get him to stay on his own. He was left there to 'cry it out' at the teachers request but they gave in after 40 mins of full blown hysterical screaming arrrgh. Has now settled and loves it there.

I now have a new problem! He has gone up a group at swimming and this means that mummy is no longer going in the pool! So, all he had to do was sit with the other kids (6 of them in total) whilst I sat a few feet away. Cue massive screaming fit yelling MUMMMMMMMYYYYY at the top of his voice. He is simply uncontrollable when like this. He ended up watching the lesson with me from the side. He is sat here right up against me even now whilst I type this despite there being a whole empty sofa lol!

I just get so frustrated that every step he has to take causes such friction, upset and stress. God help me when he starts school in September, it doesn't bear thinking about.

I have a 6 yr old DD too that is nothing like this, very confident little thing so this is a first for me. I am not a smotherer type mum and he hasn't been spoilt I can assure you lol!!!

I know to a 3 yr old this is all very daunting but any tips or advice on how to help his confidence would be great!

I once taught a child who behaved exactly like this. We decided with his parents, after long deliberation, to do a total cold turkey, and I spent over 2 weeks holding him every morning while he sobbed for the whole session. This was a bit nightmareish for me and him tbh. It was a bit of a risk to take. But I am a very patient and cuddly person, so we thought this might work.

He actually sorted himself out brilliantly and really started to love nursery enormously, and we then had the reverse problem because he didn't want to leave!! He ended up a very well-balanced little boy.

I honestly think it's a developmental thing and you're going to have to grow a very thick skin. But part of it is probably also nervousness surrounding transitions, i.e. moving from one activity or place to another. I think the more you tell him about timetables and plans and when you'll be back well ahead of time, the more you can probably help this development along. Leaving him for increasing amounts of time with some sort of timer so he knows exactly when you'll be coming back might be an option as well.

With regard to the swimming, I would also consider giving in and getting into the water with him, bribing him with Smarties for staying in the water, or even not bothering with lessons for now.

Best of luck.