Turned into really FUSSY eater - help before I go mad!!!

[emmywoo]

my 2 dd used to eat majority of veg but over the last couple of months she has started to flatly refuse all veg. She eats fruit and all meat, pasta etc. However over the last week, she will eat at childminders but not at home. Cooked her fav spag boll last night and had a screaming fit for an hour as she flatly refused to eat anything. Then later on she had 2 bowls of weetabix. What can i do to try and get her to eat veg and eat evening meals.

Hi Emmy,

This sounds so familiar. At exactly the same age my DD, now 3.4 suddenly started refusing all her favourites pretty much - and certainly anything that had been off the rota for a couple of weeks.

Aitch gave me some great advice about neophobia, and actually, if you look at some of the old transcripts from the live web chats, Dr Tanya Byron has some interesting things to say about neophobia - apparently it can relate to foods they have previously liked and enjoyed.

The best advice is to stay calm, not force the issue, give her what she will eat. I always used to say, just eat one pea - that's all, then you can eat what you want. She could usually manage that.

This was of course after one of my most shameful bits of out of control parenting ever where I put every single one of her favourite toys on the shelf in order to make her eat. She didn't - I lost my rag, and nothing was achieved.

Please be assured, it's a phase that might only last a month or two - maybe longer, but they do come out the other side, so it's best to try and ride it out serenely with a smile on your face. And my advice - don't serve anything you have slaved over during this fussy period - it will make you less emotional about what is left on the plate.

Good luck

My ds1 did exactly the same at that age too emmywoo, and I agree with everything that sycamoretree has said. It lasted maybe a couple of months - can't quite remember now. He's now 3.2 and still most resistant to new foods, though eats all his favourites again with no problems. It is so hard not to lose your rag though - I find it incredibly upsetting and am unnaturally delighted when he eats a stick of broccoli .

One thing that might help you is to try and look at things on a longer time frame - in other words, think about what she's eaten over a few days rather than at one particular meal - you'll probably find that she's not doing too badly, especially if she's eating ok at the CM.

Both my boys ate virtually everything until they were about 18mo-2 years then started getting fussy. Just keep on offering the veg. Keep calm, don't push things, but don't surrender entirely. They won't starve themselves.

I made sure my children had regular meals I knew they would like and eat but kept on offering some other stuff.

My 2.8 year old was adamant that potatoes (other than chips) were the root of all evil. His brother loves potatoes in all forms. Very handy for family meals, sigh. Anyway, we kept on putting just a little bit of potato on his plate whenever we were having it and he has now started eating and enjoying baked potatoes and roast potatoes. He's holding out on mash although we've noticed him sneaking in the odd mouthful when desperate and he doesn't think we're looking.

I'm looking for progress on other veg now we've turned the potato corner. I snort when people say if you offer it ten/twenty/forty times they'll eat it. Far more often than that in this house! But keep chilled and remember it will be ok if she does eat at the CM. My DS2 eats stuff at nursery he won't contemplate with us but even they couldn't convince him that peas are a foodstuff.

Emmy we have had some fussy eating in this house before too. Docs have said to me that fruit has lots of the same vitamins/nutrients that vegetables do, so give her extra fruit to make up for it and try to vary the fruits as much as possible. Along with regular bananas, strawberries, peaches, try guava, blueberries, kiwi, etc. Hope to help.

my dd (2.5) used to eat just about anything but in the last few weeks seemed to have become averse to both new things and things she used to eat quite happily not so long ago.

have to say it infuriates me especially when it's stuff I've cooked because i think she'll like it...and i find it very hard not to let it get to me though i know this doesn't help- i certainly can't force her to eat it

have found though that offering the same thing again the next day seems to meet with a little less resistance-eg last sat night's veg lasagne was outright rejected but she ate a little at sunday lunch (which made me feel a little better

so i think familiarising may be the key

but am spending far too much time thinking/worrying about what she will and won't eat at the moment and am a bit fed up...

my ds is the same , but i read a great qoute in a book and its my mantra at the dinner table 'i decide what he eats, when he eats it and where he eats it. he decides how much he eats, if anything at all'

Both my boys, now 7 and 4, were great eaters until age 2 and then suddenly stopped eating most veg. Hoped it was a passing phase but they are still in it! I used to get really fed up by this, (why is it that food is such and emotive issue for mums?). But by now I have forced myself to get a little perspective which perhaps you may benefit from

1. Is your child growing and developing properly and are they generally well. Both my boys, especially the 7-year old are very healthy, hardly ever ill. Isn't this the point? They must be getting all they need from the food they are eating

2. It occured to me that we are a little bit over-obsessed with nutrition (amongst other things) in the Western world. Getting it in perspective can make us realise how lucky we are to have the fantasic variety of foods we do have, when many people rely on a diet of only a handful of foods all their life.

3. Shouldn't our focus be more on emotional and social development that purely pysical? If your kids contented and healthy why worry unecessarily about food.

I hope this doesn't sound like lecturing. I know how when you are stuck at home with young kids all the time you can become a little bit too focused on things that are not really that crucial. I've been there, but now I'm out of that young child phase I wish I hadn't worried so much about these things. Good luck.

Some great advice here. Just thought I'd add a couple of things that have helped us.

Consider what she eats over a week rather than even a couple of days.

If she eats a 'meal' at the CMs/nursery, don't feel you have to offer another evening meal. Offer a sandwich tea instead and ger her involved in preparing it and choosing whats on her plate from a selection of your choosing.

If she has a palate of things she does like and enjoy, offer them and add one new thing you'd like her to try. Praise to high heaven the action of trying something new even if she only manages to get it to her lips and shudders - it sets the precedent for trying being a positive thing.

At 2 I would still let her have a supper if she's not had tea. now DS1 is 4 we've stopped that, if he doesn't eat some tea then he gets nothing else, if he's made an effort he's offered additional things like a yoghurt, fruit, fruit sticks (but never never sweet treats or biscuits).

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your messages. Well last night I cooked Lamb Chopes and veg, I always put the veg on her plate although I know she wont' eat it but one day she may surprise me. She ate 2 lamb chops, all the gray and no veg. I am definately going to calm down more now and just let her decide what she eats off her plate but will continue to give veg on her plate etc. xx

good for you emmywoo.

One trick that might work is to put the veg in a separate little bowl - a fun coloured on, or a little pot and just say she can only have it if she finished her chops or whatever? Might not work, but I saw something on TV about a year ago where they did this test on kids about 5 years old. There was a pot of raisins and a pot of sweets in the classroom. Each break they were allowed to choose which they took a handful from. They all chose the sweets pretty much, until the raisins were then "banned".

Once the ban was lifted, almost ALL the kids then opted for the raisins over the sweets. It's all about the status we give to foods.

One further thought emmywoo - do you get your dd involved in the preparation of the food at all? I think even at 2 they can start to 'help', even if it's just giving things a quick stir. I know it's easier said than done if you're busy trying to get things ready, but I do think it helps them to become familiar with different foods and cooking. Things my two (aged 2 and 3) help with:

mixing cake/biscuit mixtures
spooning things (eg flour) into scales/mixtures.
ds1 is just about able to do a bit of peeling of carrots, potatoes etc
washing veg
putting pizza toppings on home made pizza
grating cheese etc (2 may be a wee bit small for that, but at 3 it's definitely possible)
washing up the debris
icing
making fishcakes/doing the dipping in egg/breadcrumbs etc for this and eg home made fish fingers or chicken nuggets

One further thing I'm considering, but haven't yet done is to put all their plates, cups etc in a cupboard or shelf that is low down so that they can get involved in laying the table with their own stuff.