Could my DD (9) be depressed? Am I just a really crap parent?

[MarmadukeScarlet]

Following on from another thread yeasterday, which I desperately didn't want to hijack (although was given some advice) I think my DD and I need some assistance.

It's a long story but, when DD was nearly 5 DS was born and was very poorly. He has some special needs inc CP, metabolic/genetic condition, heart valve problem etc etc.

Yes he does take up an awful lot of my time and attention, but I always try to spend (as does my DH when he is in the country) good quality time with her and as a family.

DD is a very polite, well mannered considerate child of high verbal IQ and ability. She is very accomodating and struggles to stand up for what she wants, perhaps because DS' needs always come first?

For the last few years DD has become very sad, her glass is always half empty.

She has mild dyspraxia and doesn't have a best friend at school, was bullied at school - which I feel dreadful about because it was when DS was very ill in hosp it started and I just wasn't focussed enough on her at the time. The bullying went on for a good few years before it was really stopped.

Sunday night she was in tears due to our cat dying - 2 years ago!

Mon she was in tears as she thought she was going to be asked to leave the junior choir as her music teacher doesn't like her. When asked to explain it came out that DD sometimes gets questions wrong (and T always gets them right) so she feels that the teacher doesn't like her. Apparently the teacher replied "Good try, X" to DD when she was wrong, so no suggestion of nastiness.

Although she has had a major problem with one of her Yr 3 teachers, who spent ages threatening her with a demerit and eventually gave her one at end of year 3 (it was for not working quickly/neatly enough in class and then forgetting to finish off said work at home/being forgetful - ERM, read the Ed Psych report Mrs Mean that is what dyspraxia is about!) This got so out of proportion in DD's mind - We didn't tell her off, although I do sometimes get exasperated with her being in 'trouble' for not doing homework which she hasn't written in her homework diary as she should and has promptly forgotten - to the extent that she was unable to get to sleep on the 2 nights before this teachers lessons. Many meeetings were held with form tutor, head of pastoral care and headmistress and Mrs Mean has now been banned from giving DD any demerits in yr 4 and has been warned not to 'bully' her.

So yesterdays bedtime tears decended into she often has no one to play with, she feels lonely, she isn't one of the clever 'popular' girls, the ex-bully still intimidates her and will often 'take away' the friend she wants to play withshe wishes I was a teacher at her school so she could spend breaktimes with her (I'm not a teacher btw) She wants to go to DS' school because she thinks she is not clever/good enough to be at her school.

She has had a trial day there and really liked it, everyone wanted to play with her as she was a 'novelty' but she knows no-one but DS at the school.

I feel guilty and responsible. Due to DS I don't socialise with many/any of the other parents, most of the strong friendships at DD's school seem to be between the Dc of adults who have dinner/coffee/go skiing together etc. I feel I have let her down.

Due to DS I am often tired and stressed, she has several times said she wants life to be like it was before he was born.

How can I help her go back to the confident happy little girl she used to be?

I am in floods of tears here, racked with guilt, sadness for her and memories of my own unhappy school years.

I would definately pop to the doctors and tell them what is going on.
It doesn't make you a failure as a mum it means you are a brilliant mum because you care deeply about your DD from what i have read.

Children do get depressed and trust me, you would not believe the things kids worry about, but hide because they don't want to worry or upset YOU. Kids are hugely resilient but like everyone else, they have pressures, problems, and other stuff going on and i think your DD would appreciate someone to talk to so she feels she is offloading without burdening you.

Wish you all the best and may i say it is nice to see someone who cares so much and puts their child first even if it means admitting failings to yourself or others which is extremely difficult. Well done. xx

To be frank - her school sounds VERY harsh. What sort of school is she at?

Oh you poor thing! I wish you lived right over the road so I could come order you round for a cuppa and a well deserved hug xxxx

I think BlueSapphire is right. This is a complicated issue and one that needs careful handling to try to get it absolutely right for all of you. I can only imagine how hard it must be trying to weigh up which school is best for her in the long run. I would pop to your GP and ask their advice from that angle. If they are any good and able to take a holistic, professional viewpoint with prior knowledge of your family, they could well be in a good position to advise you neutrally.

We have had ups and downs with our DD1 and occasionally worried about depression. You seem a lot further down the road again from us. While I have only limited experience at the worry of an unconfident, unhappy and lonely child, I do have an enormous amount of empathy for what you are going through xx

BlueSapphire?s last sentence sums up my feelings too. You sound like a wonderful parent x

Blue Thank you for you lovely comments. I did see the GP a while back - she has a DD slightly younger than my DD. She says her DD often has morbid thoughts about the family burning in their beds, so was no unduly worried. At the time DD was a bit obsessed by me dying. Aslo my relationship with DD was strained due to all the pressures and me wanting her to go back to how she was 'the good child' and part of our family 'glue' iyswim. She did refer us/me to a nearby parenting centre as she felt I was to blame (not her exact words, but) I called and called the centre leaving loads of messages but they never got back to me. I'm worried I am seeing problems where there are none, but getting some of it down on this post has helped me see that I need to get it sorted out.

peas it is an independent prep school (girls) my DS's school is an independent mixed preprep and girls prep. DS' school is much smaller - max 10 girls per year, rather than 2 classes of 18 at DD's school - with a more nurture based atmosphere than DD's competitve one. DH is concerned that unless DD is at a high performing academic school she will not achieve her potential as she is not a very motivated child and is inclined to daydream. I feel she will do best if happy, but worry about moving her to a school where she knows no one and the friendship groups have already been set.

Lemon all offers of teas and hugs taken!

One of my problems is that I hardly see anyone and live in the middle of nowhere. Many people are put off by DS, it is my life and I struggle to make social chit chat because it revolves around hospital appts, hours of physio and struggles to get basic support and treatment. There are only so many times you can pretend life is fine before boring them to sobs with the truth!

Sorry forgot to say they will either refer you to the local counselling service i forget what the initials are but there may be a long waiting list for this.. ask the school if they have an educational psychologist that they use.
I say this because your DD will have to wait less time to see the ED one, AND the double edge to the sword is that he/she will RAISE and issues with the school re bullying (no matter whether by teacher or pupil) and will make recommendations to make your childs life better at school. They will kick the schools pants up in other words. Also they will advise on coping strategies for your DD, AND, most important of all, they will communicate effectively with you..this i found extremely important when i asked for counselling for my DS. They will not disclose anything to you that your DD wants kept confidential, or anything they deem so, which is fair enough, but they will go sideways to advise you of some things where your input will be able to make an improvement. They also do not stay involved for any longer than they have to, but always stay open to your child for, say, a drop in session. This is fantastic in my book. It means your DD will always have someone she trusts and can go to. This will help immensely did i spell that right ? lol..given the points you raised in your OP.
Hopefully it will also remove a lot of pressure from you, you sound like with one thing and another, you have been through enough, poor love. Chin up...

Sounds like she is lacking self esteem, i think its a stage most kids go through. Bright kids do tend to be very sensitive too.

I can really feel for you, my own ds is considered a bit of an 'oddball' and doesnt have any friends. He is always saying no one likes me etc, etc. Its heartbreaking.

All i can suggest is lots of praise at home. I always try to comment on how well my ds has tidied his toys away etc.

I am not surprised by your answer on the school..........it sounds a little (dare I say it?) like a hothouse !

I think I would be depressed if working under such pressure too. Personally I think the school is the key - and I think you have actually already recognised this fact. Draw a line and make some tough decisions !

( I was interested in your thread particuarly because I have the exact same situation with SIL and DB re the illness in their smaller DS and a DD who is also 9 - I worry about her too......it is difficult when illness takes over the family. But school is her sanctuary to some extent. I imagine if she were at a v.competitive school, the pressure would be unbearable)

Sorry again ! X-Posted so didn't see your last message.

Understand entirely that you must feel cut off and lonely. This is part of being a parent AND a carer but is not a situation you need to put up with. Thankfully you have t'internet hehe.
It can be hard if you live in the sticks or with no sort of real transport, AND if you don't live in an area which is deemed to be so 'poo' that it deserves a surestart or some other such scheme, i think they (the people in power whatever) appreciate that ALL parents need support.

Plus the endless rounds of hospital visits physio appointments.. god, i work (on mat leave at mo) and i struggle to find something to talk about atm other than being an utter baby bore..not good if you work with 60 lads and you are the only female employee lol!
So i know the struggle for convo feeling, its hard to feel human i suppose, and you must have to put your own feelings to one side, if you didn't, you would break down probably, when it all sinks in how much you have to do.

Do you have supportive family?
I feel unable to advise you on maybe finding someone who would enable you to take time out for yourself, or time to spend with DD without DS which sounds horrible i know, but i mean it in a nice way? Quality time and a (small) break.. might do wonders.

You mention DD being worried about you dying. Kids do think of things like this, things we would NEVER consider. She worries about you, and probably worries what she/DS would do without you. Also maybe, she sees what you have to do and worries if you aren't there, she would have to look after DS. This is normal in her position, just 'rational' thinking, and part of growing up, thinking about others, and consequences of certain things, is part of maturing. Problems start when you have no way of rationalising them, or switching them off, or 'good memories/thoughts' to push out or balance the 'bad' ones.

Full time caring is exhausting i'm sure (no experience sorry just sympathy) and must be the same for the rest of your family too. Could you maybe ask doctor about weekend respite care? God, it is awful trying to give 'blind' advice lol..just throw some options your way and see what you think..

Your relationship with DD may be strained but it must also be very good and open if she feels she can tell you she was unhappy about being expected to be the 'good' child. Thats good, because the most destructive thing in any family relationship is a breakdown in open communication.

Don't think the doctor referred you to the parenting centre as she felt you were to blame, maybe she thinks it would help you to have someone to chat to yourself, but her hands are tied by lack of facilities in the area? She probably thinks your a bloody saint IMO!
How terrible that you called the centre and they never got back to you..what kind of bloody support service is THAT?
Feel on your behalf for that.

Hopefully more posters along soon with more advice / hugs for you Bump this message up later for the evening crowd lol.

Claw It is tough when your DC tells you they have no friends, isn't it? Your poor DS. WE do a great deal of praising and telling her how good she is at things that other people aren't - emphasising the 'eveybody has different skills and abilities' so she stops comparing herself to the few bright stars at school. We have quite a few animals, she is great with them and spends ages brushing ponies, tidying the tack shed etc.

peas It is a bit of a hothouse, it is a 'feeder' to some top public and grammar schools. It p;aces particular value on academic and sporting achievement, we chose it because DH and I both represented our counties at sport at a very high level and she was showing great overall physical ability when she was a tiny - obviously due to the self esteem/dyspraxia (vicious circle imho) and lack of competitive spirit she is not really shining at sport.

I'm sorry about your DNiece and DNephew, it must be tough for all of you.

Blue Thank you for you extensuive and thoughtful posting (again). I will answer you para by para if that is ok.

Yep Thank god for the www! I do have transport but DS is quite hard work to take out, he was being really good today in W'rose (nearest shop) but staggered sideways into a (fit looking) elderly lady, I apologised but she was really (loudly) unkind and quite rude. I pointed out that he has severe special needs but I had tears in my eyes as I did so, life is tough enough without feeling I should keep him strapped in his wheelchair.

No surestart or similar, no support or assistane - we are deemed too wealthy and I am deemed too articulate/educated to be assisted by IPSEA through the Educational Tribunal we are currently struggling through for DS.

My family have all passed away (DF, DM and DB), MIL is a very elderly infirm 75 (and a bit of a pita as she thinks DH married beneath him). DH works away up to 2 out of every 4 weeks, which is a pain. I took so long to reply as DS' school assistant - who used to be my Au Pair/mother's help - called to say she had some free time to give me a break. I had a long bath (I read and drank tea, had posh bubble bath and lit a scented candle) and went for a long walk. I felt much better until the old lady incident! I normally employ an Au Pair, but have had a few duffers which, when they live in, can be dreadful. I always have one for the summer hols so I can really spend time with DD.

She was just saying today (after the old Lady) that if I taught her how to look after DS, she could take some of the stress away. I said it was very kind but she mustn't feel reponsible for him, she then said she hates to see me sad and it upsets her. I pointed out I was sad because she was sad, so we had a good laugh and a cuddle about what a daft pair we were!

I really appreciate the time everyone has spent on replying, I have been desperate to unburden myself for months but haven't felt brave enough before now.

Blue one last thing, I noticed some very sensible posts of yours in an animal related thread and wanted to say what an all round good egg you seem to be! I am sorry to have not noticed before.

Hello MarmadukeScarlet. You certainly sound like you could use some more help!
You could consider posting this in the Special Needs topic. There would certainly be people there who will have direct experience of what you are going through - either because they have DCs with serious illness like your DS, or because they have more than one DC with SN (you say that your DD is dyspraxic). I'm sorry that DD had such a hard time at school. My DD has a speech and language disorder and it's amazing how some teachers just DON'T GET IT, like the substitute who told me to her face that DD has "huge problems" and made her cry. It must be very difficult trying to support her when you have all the worry about your DS as well.
Anyway, just sending {{hugs}}. Do come onto the SN board and have a rant some time as I'm sure there will be posters who might have more relevant experience / can give advice about what support might be out there (or just bitch about the lack of it!)
Brio.

Could you try a bit of CBT with her?

Sit down with her and list things she is good at, or her good qualities. When she gets down dig it out and go through it with her.

I think her school sounds a bit of a problem. If it s a school which places a lot of value on physical achievement, this must be very hard for someone with dyspraxia. You say she feels she isn't good enough to go there, but it must be quite hard for her to measure up in that environment

hth

Thats a brilliant idea..could you repost this to save time writing it all out again lol i'm sure special needs thread would help..tch didn't think!

Thank you for your kind comment about me

There are so many people on here willing to help its lovely. I have found it very useful and also good to be in a position to offer advice lol
Bit hard dishing it out if you have no personal experience but sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can see things you can't for being right in the thick of it.

I, for personal reasons, have a big beef with the ss (child services) BUT have found that when it comes to special needs children there sometimes is no better agency to approach, they would be able to advise or offer help in maybe respite care or to advise on services you probably wouldn't know were available if you didn't ask them.

Lol @ the pets posting, i love my animals, have been through lots and i tell you what, apart from my kids my pets have seen me through a lot, i mean, i have sat on my kitchen floor and cried, and who is there with a concerned look on his face but my dog, and a few sloppy kisses later i felt i could face the world again. Small kindnesses eh?

Some things are sent to try us. fortunately you are practically guaranteed support on here, and you seem a very strong lady..plus, i am so pleased you managed to speak openly to your DD and have a laugh and a cuddle. Sometimes thats all we need to see us through the hardest of times. What a wonderful caring mum your DD has. And you should be proud of her too, she seems very mature in her attitude and outlook. xx

blue hello again I contacted SS when I was awarded lower rate care DLA and the local claims assistant man was absolutley wonderful, really reassured and supported - whereas local CAB had told me I would only suceed if I represented myself at the tribunal in Hull (?) so I was about to give up (I was awarded high on 2nd appeal no tribunal needed, phew). I asked him about being given a Social Worker and he looked astounded, and commented, "You don't really want one do you?" My Portage worker at the time was equally amazed and in a very pc way told me that SWs were not for folk of my education/income. My Gp almost mirrored my Portage worker word for word, so I just stopped asking!

Brioche I have posted on SN, thank you good idea.

Fizz she doesn't have 'traditional' dyspraxia, her handwriting is beautiful always has been. She has a propreception problem/balance, but actually the main problem is she believes she cannot do it. We have ponies, she has been riding for years, will trot happily at the stables etc if I try to get her to trot on her own pony (on lead rein) she throws herself off because she is scared ditto learning to ride a bike. It is quite frustrating for us both. Despite constant reassurance and support her self esteem is nil.

She also developed a speech problem for around 18 mths or so, up until about 6 mths ago, called me 'nummy' etc confused most of her consanant sounds - DS has a speech disorder - but it has stopped now. She says it might have been to get my attention, even if it was my telling her to speak properly.

Well, it all went awry here again thia a.m.

After many nice chats and times together in the last week - I have really been making the effort to be fun, positive mummy I shouted at her. I feel bad, but it was either that or shake her!

DD's room is a mess, she has a basket of ironed/clean clothes that have been there 2 week, now all creased as she has been digging through them rather than putting stuff away. I went in there today and noticed, that despite my really pleasnat request after DS asleep Friday night, "DD please can you just hang your school uniform up whilst I make the popcorn and set up the DVD." (so nice girly evening with her choice of film as DH away) her uniform was screwed up on her sofa (tis a tartan kilt which I have just paid to have dry cleaned and repleated). I pointed out how screwed up it was and asked her to hang it. I then suggested that we work as a team and tidy up a bit - it is tricky with DS around but we just have to get on.

DS was trying to look out of the windo, which involved him attempting to climb on her wooden toy stable. I asked him not to and got him down. DD then said in her best tones of martyrdom, "It's all right, I suppose I just have to get used to him breaking all my things."

Of all things I cannot bear her feeling sorry for herself (which is a bit rich coming from me at the moment I know) I shouted at her. I said that DS has challenges that she will never have, that if she doesn't want him to break her stuff perhaps she should put it away rather than leave it on the floor where he can trip over it and break it etc. I also said to DS come on out of DD's room, she doesn't want you. He and I left the room. I told her to get her violin and do her practice.

A few minutes later I went back in her room and she said, "Look at my string (the peg had come undone) I can't do it"

I asked her to say sorry to me and ask me properly to help her. She apol'd for 'being a martyr' but then didn't know what the word meant. We had a big long chat.

She says she wants to go to boarding school as she is unhappy at home due to all the rows - there have been two in the last 5 weeks, the one that morning and DH and I had one before Christmas that she heard. If she was a boarder I wouldn't be stressed as one less DC to look after. I pointed out I would miss her and she sadi, "What a naughty child like me?" (I NEVER use the word naughty to describer either her or DS' behaviour)

She thinks DS should just catch up and make everyones lives easier, why haven't the doctors made him better. Because of him her life is difficult.

She accepted that he has only broken 2 of her things she can remember in the last 18mths (a barbie horse and another smaller horse)

She basically said her life was dreadful.

I asked her who, out of all of her frineds, had a life that she wanted? X with the big house, X with lots of money or X with no siblings, or X whose mother made them all stay outide with no coats on in October (for ages and they were told 'tough' if they complained they were cold) during some party.

I pointed out that she had 5 holidays last year (3 of which were out of this country), she has 2 ponies, 3 rabbits, 1 cat, 9 chickens and we are getting a dog this year because she wants one. She has violin, ballet, brownies that mummy pays for, she has golf, swimming (1to1) and french clubs during the holidays (normally one other art club too) She has a beautiful bedroom (when she can be bothered to keep it tidy) etc I said if I'd have had half of those things when I was a child I would have been grateful and that there were many children in the UK who would be pleased to have a life like that. I know that was wrong but I am so fed up with the poor me attitude that I get.

So we talked again about perception, as we did the other night when she was distresed about school. I pointed out that, by her own admission, DS had only broken 2 toys which had both since been replaced. Her perception is that he breaks her toys all the time.

WE talked about all the lovely things we have done together in the last 5 weeks including 5 days in Lapland, walks in the woods, a trip to the seaside for fish and chips, Christmas etc and I asked why she chose to focus on the row I had with DH instead of all the nice things.

After much discussion, during which she had been snuggled up on my lap sobbing. I said that I thought she had got herself worked up into such a state due to worries and little things that have made her sad that she didn't know how to feel happy anymore and I felt she might need to talk to someone other than mummy about how to feel happy again.

There was obviously much more said than above, but I'm sure you get the gist!

My brain hurts and I feel sad.

Oh flower

Hi, you obviously have very high expectations for your DD. Probably made even higher as your DS has special needs.

Although you may say its ok I understand she has dyxspria and probably won't achieve what we did in sporting fields - have you really come to terms with it?

My son has mild dyxspria and like yours can't do the bike thing.

Best thing I ever read - parent the child you have not the one that you wanted or even expected.

Maybe less pressure on all fronts will allow her to find her place in the world.

kaz Thank you for your reply.

I actually do not have high expectations for DD - I would be content with her being happy at school not her outperforming the rest of the class and she knows this. I am sad that she gets upset when she feels she is not doing well, but it is no pressure from me - she is placed above average in a class of well motivated DC and that is fine in my book. In fact it would be fine if she was bottom, I believe that you can only perform to the best of YOUR ability. So being bottom of the class is fine if that is you trying iyswim?

Yes the sport thing is a bit disappointing, but she is already better at golf than me and can drive a ball further than me and straighter. It is good for her self esteem to find 'her talent' as she sees it. It is bloody tough always being slowest, last, worst etc at things.

When she was bemoaning her lot with her DB today, saying that she wanted a DB but not one like him, I (kindly) pointed out that we get what we get in life and just have to accept it. I would very much have liked her to want to go out riding with me, it could be a special time for us (it was something I had looked forwards to do from when she was tiny) but I accept the fact that she feels she cannot - it doesn't make me love her any less. I would also very much liked to have a second child who wasn't disabled, but he is and despite this we still love him because he is out son and her brother.

So I am very aware you have to love the child you are given.

Blue my lovely, how are you? Thank you for your reply, I hope you are a quick typer as that is some essay !

I will approach it para by para if that ok?

Yes, despite the 'woe is me' I think she needed to say all that to give us a point to start from iyswim? Clearing the air.

I will chase up a SW again, see what happens.

I have this vision of a cartoon carachter whose head is snapping back and forth with teeth rattling!

LOL at him getting lost in his room and you searching after a week! Not much ironing done here either, when DS had some intellect tests he lost some points when he wasn't able to name the picture of one, I as I explained he'd never seen one in our house! I think the tip explaining if I have to do it we will have less time for girly fun is grat idea. DS cannot really join in the team tidy, his attention span/understanding are fairly limited. She has adequete storage, but she has so much rubbish treasure that she cannot part with. We talked today about putting a little hook and ey up high (out of DS' reach) on both the inside and outside of the door, so she can have privacy whilst in or out.

I regualariy apologise for my shortcomings, so she is used to getting, and to some extent giving, apologies.

LOL @ 'not normal' my DH is away so much I hardly see him to row! He has been in the country for 60 hours in the past 2 weeks. He'll be back on Sat, any more away and I'll be getting a rebate on my council tax! She is concerned and wrote me a note saying that if we continued to row we would have to 'divorse'. I told her I was sorry that she heard us being cross with each other but we would all be friends again soon.

Burial under patio, roffle, you are right. I see him as a nuscance sometimes and I am an adult. It is tempting to make her volunteer somewhere, but I'm not sure it would make her grateful for what she has - as you wisely state it is her 'normal' and compared to many girls in her class she has little .

Not rude to mention the clubs at all. I actually have to rein her in tbh, she does violin during school lessons mondays, school choir after school mondays. Brownies after school Weds - I feel this is important as it means she meets girls from outside her school environment, she is seconder and brown owl gives her lots of praise and responsibilities which she seems to be happy about. She also wants to do Badgers (St John Ambulance) but I have said she would have to give up brownies. Sat am is ballet, I would like her to give this up as now we have moved (nr 4 yrs ago) it is a long way to drive, but she is doing really well and I'm sure it is good for her balance/dyspraxia. As for holiday clubs, she attends a school where hols are really long 8+ weeks for summer. I let her choose some clubs from a brochure. She has done French (5 mornings) for the last few years and meets up with the same girls every year (including my GPs DD they are pals) then she can choose up to 2 more which are 4 mornings. Again I have to rein her in a) as I wouldn't see her and b) expense! The swimming is with our summer Au Pair, she is a swim coach and she adores the DC. She spends time with DD but also allows me to spend quality time with DD by caring for DS for me.

I did do the martyr thing back, DS cannot help the things he does because of the CP (etc) he doesn't understand how much it upsets you if he is clumsy with your things, he could help falling whilst holding Sandy (the beloved Barbie horse, it was 2 years ago ffs) etc. She seemed to get my drift.
I didn't realise you had a sister with CP, must be where you get your amazing empathy from

Yes we had lots of reassuring words, these things that are really bothering her - I'm sure the broken barbie horse and the long dead cat are just tangible things that she can talk about that express how sad/worried/anxious she feels rather than how she actually feels - I reassured her that DH and I will not be getting divorced and it is perfectly usual to have some disagreements. I am concerned that she spends so much time dwelling on bad stuff, but I am rereading my 'The parent/child game' in an attempt to help me help her.

She and I watched the start of the Horse whisperer together, DS for once played quietly with trains on the floor, so DD and I cuddled. She asked me why the girl was being how she was and I explained. She then hugged me tight and said, "I was being a bit silly like that earlier, wasn't I mummy?" "Not silly I replied, but yes you were being quite grumpy and sad. But we've both said sorry and we are going to be happy and kind now, aren't we?" She nodded and smiled. I must have got something in my eye at that point .

Before the HW, we played a colour lotto game with DS (5 times) and she was caller. Afterwards she said how much she'd enjoyed it and wasn't DS good with the colours/objects - hurrah!

Thany you very much for the final part of your message, it really means alot. I did read your post much earlier but was busy with the DC and RL so couldn't reply - I'm sure you were busy too, but appreciate the time you spent on me today. It made me lol in several places - the back of the hand on the forehead, she was exactly like that, a place at rada awaits! I live in fear of being a mother like my mother (too busy drinking gin and playing bridge, and later just drinking anything she could get her hands on and openly telling me I was a mistake, I'd ruined her life etc) and I would move heaven and earth to make a better job of it than she did.

Have a wonderful week x