dd 2.6 mo is exhausting dp and me as she is SO demanding

[fizzbuzz]

Dd is lovely bright articulate child. Lively, curious, interested in everything.....but it has been a relief to go back to work.

She wants some one to give her attention ALL the time. Mummy/daddy, play with me, every second. Sit here, sit there, do this, do that, every single minute.

Ignoring doesn't work, she gets more and more persistent and then has a tantrum..then starts all over again straight away.....

Distraction doesn't work, as she gets angry with the offered distraction. She knows waht she wants and she wants it now.

We feel absolutely exhausted. I cannot physically give 100% all the time, but that is what she wants. There is no escape or recharge time ever.
If I ever turn away to do something, even make a cup of coffee, she is after me all the time...I feel churned up inside all day.

Both of us are struggling any tips?

I don't have any tips at all, I'm afraid! I was just about to start a thread about my lovely, intelligent, funny, and really demanding 2.9 year old dd1. I just wanted to say I feel your pain! It has been a long day, because dh has just gone back to work, so it has been just me with dd1 and dd2 (19 months) - I feel like I need to tear myself into 2 (actually make that 3, someone needs to cook dinner etc) to cope!

It sounds as if she is used to having all your attention. You will have to wean her off it slowly. Give her things to do, make it into a game-go out of the room and say 'I will be back in a minute to see if you have finished'. Let her help you with what you are doing.
Cultivate people with DCs of the same age and have them round to play.

sounds like my DS thought it was normal, It'll pass, before weknow it they'll be at school x

We've tried weaning her off. but there is no fooling her! She will not comply.

Have tried saying, do this and mummy will be bak to see what a good job you've done etc etc ...no difference.

At least it is good to know it isn't just me.

And for my next question: When do they stop being so limpet-like?

my dd is like this and the same age i tend to get her to help me with the things i need to do..so while it may take a bit longer to do things it does help ..eg mum would like a coffee. dd has a teaset and jug so she makes herself a drink whilst i make mine and then we wash up together
cleaning dd dusts and i hoover,,,, she points out the bits i have missed.

fizzbizz, very very normal. My ds 2.3 years is exactly as you described. The tantrums are relentless.

Is dd your first. I find it is more difficult with the first because she has no playmate. My ds has his older sister 5.3 to play/squabble with, so it gives some relief to the pressure, though of course that is substituted for refereeing disputes.

I totally sympathise about relief at going back to work. I put ds in ft nursery so was never happier when 2 Jan rolled round again.

Agree with bekka that it will pass eventually. 3 is my magic number. In the meantime, if you cannot appease or distract, then sometimes you just have to let the tantrum build up and play out. I take that opportunity to get some chores done. It is ok for them to cry occasionally - quite carthartic for them actually.

Remember to ensure she has enough food, drink and sleep to reduce triggers for tantrums.

Yes, I've tried that as well, making toy sandwiches whilst I make real ones.

She announced she was bored after 2 minutes

fizzbizz, my dd was exactly the same at that age. She only wanted to do what SHE wanted to do.

When did it stop?

Have you given it a long time to ignore, and worked through a few tantrums? My standard answer to I am bored is 'it is good for children to be bored'.

Sounds very similar to my dd.
Only solution was to keep her busy-- out to parks, places, cafes, anywhere!
Also to find activities that we both liked doing eg swimming, baking
I also got her in to dusting and hoovering, tho I think that came later! And hasn't lasted..( she is 9 now)

And although it is very draining, think how lucky you are to have such a bright, devoted child!

Fizzbuzz - i read this thread thinking of my 2.5yo DD, and she is just like this too! In fact the last week she has been worse as jetlagged to boot!

I find that I like others I have to do the following to eep her entertained.

1. Send her to nursery twice a week to get all her energy out playing with others (1 full day, one half day).
2. Try to set up some toys first thing in the morning for her to be excited about, create particular opportunities for us to do things, that she can look forward to - we will do painting after lunch.
3. Get her to help with as much as I can - Toddler pavlov can you get mummy her shoes please? Toddler pavlov can you put this white towel into the washing machine for me? And then this one? And, that pile there, can you then put that in for me? Can you the baked beans into the cupboard for me please? If I need to do something in the kitchen, I pull up a chair to the sink, fill it with bubbly water and some utensils and ask her to 'wash up' for me. I usually get her naked, as it can be messy. If I am cooking I put her on the side near me (and away from anythign dangerous) and give her a plastic knife and some cheese for her to 'cut' for mama.
4. DVDs. Sometimes, when DD is so manic that I just cannot calm her, if she is a bit too wild for a bit too long, I put on something fun and appropriate (and of my chosing) for her to watch. Her faves are Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and My Neighbour Totoro.
5. I make sure she has snacks offered regularly as often her tantrums are because she is hungry and does not always realise. Sometimes she says she is sick, and we realise now she means she has hunger pains!!
6. Songs are good, especially ones that need actions (dingle dangle scarecrow song is DDs fave right now).
7. Sometimes, as others have said, if she has a serious tantrum, the only thing to do is let it happen. DD has an enormous one this evening as tired, she chucked her train set across the room, so I packed it up and she went into an even bigger rage, then she locked herself in her bedroom (untentionally, she has a stair gate up) and had to ask for help, which calmed her a little, then sat on the button for the hoover, which she found hilarous and then all was forgotton, but it took 15 mins or paying no attention (I am here when you want cuddles DD).

I am with you though! Its not an easy age is it?

These things I do, they not stop her being wild, independent, grumpy if she does not get her own way, they do not stop them, but they help keep her occupied

I also go for a drive in the car to calm her, and to give me some space to listen to the radio! She likes to look at cars, trees, and natter to her bears. Some days I will drive for an hour (not good for fuel consumption, but sanity is more important sometimes)

Play dates.

Bribe a teenager to come and play with her.

Dd is a little better now at nearly 4, helped by having a 21 month old brother to torment play with but I feel your pain, it is knackering. The other day she actually asked to go upstairs on her own to play - the first time EVER, I nearly fainted with shock so am hoping she's getting more independant at last .

fizzbizz, the key is for your dd to be able to entertain herself. Now dd and ds are terrible at that - I think it is because of their extroverted natures. They just love and insist on company.

I never trained dd to amuse herself in any systematic way beyond on the usual distraction strategies on this thread - most of which will not work at that age.

3 was around the turning point - she could do it for short periods at random times of the day, oh, say, 10 minutes?

The real progress was when she got into TV, around 4.5 years . It is great now. She 5.3 colours, draws, watches cbeebies, makes stuff. And best of all, if I tell her I am busy, she will mostly understand.

Ds 2.3 is nowhere near this. But I find if give him lots of undivided attention and cuddles, once he has got his 'fill', he is happier to move off on his own, but never before, no matter how much distractions I put in front of him.

Well, have just had hv round to observe dd. She has agreed she is more demnding than average

Dd is child of second reltionship, and has 3 big brothers (15-22) who make quite a fuss of her (when they feel like it) Hv has said that as she is used to adults round her all the time which is true.

Have tried car ride distraction thing, but she never stops rattling, and talking all the time (although this is a recent thing, she used to be quiet before this, but she has obviuosly discovered another way of tormenting her poor parents )

She sounds very similar to your dd Blujelly. She loves being outside anywhere (even the supermarket ), and loves cafes, parks etc

Trust me they turn out alright in the end! Honestly my dd turned 4 and suddenly got really easy-- she is v sociable and always wants to see people, her friends, my friends, anyone will do!
So don't worry about your little one being clingy, I am sure she will turn out v independent and sure of herself.

I worry that feeding the cafe habit may turn into an expensive mistake in 10 years

bluejelly, I see you describe your dd as v. sociable. I think that is the key. My dd 5 is the same - she loooooooves her friends, almost every single one of them at school and is wildly happy when she bumps into anyone of them (not sure why). Needless to say, she is absolutely loving and cuddly with dh and I.

She has always been a clingy child.

To me, a child that cannot entertain themselves is difficult in the early years and very hard on their parents because their need for parental input is unrelenting.

Chances are you will find as this child grows that she is extroverted, a people person. Hence as a baby/toddler, always insisting on mummy's input, closely bonded to people, not things or toys. Not particularly interested in TVs or DVDs until much later.

It is a good thing. Just have to tough out the earlier years. Dd is great company now - I actually look forward to spending a day with her, without ds 2, that is .

Completely agree Blushoes, my dd is incredibly sociable, she just lights up in company.

I also agree that ultimately it is a good thing, but is v exhausting ATM!

Yes sociable is def the word. When I take my dd to a party, I tend to stick to the 2 or 3 people I know, whilst she literally works the room!
At a recent wedding I had so many people coming up to me saying 'oh you're dd's mum'

Very funny esp as am quite shy

bluejelly, lol. I have images of your dd gladhanding the other parents.

I consider myself an introvert - very contented in my own company. My dd must get her extroverted side from my dh's side. I think it is quite a difficult fit in the early years - clingy (sociable, lol) baby and introverted mother who is used to her own space and does not 'get' neediness. Dd was a bit of a shocker, to say the least.

Blueshoes - thanks so much for your post! I think that's dd to a tee, I hadn't put two and two together and realised current clingy, needing mummy to entertain her-type behaviour could be a sign that she's going to be sociable. She loves being with friends which is why I encourage play dates to get a break from her. DH is incredibly sociable, the sort of person that people remember even after a short meeting but I am quite shy and I haven't been able to get my head around why she behaves the way she does .

liath, . It is not fair. I was such an Easy Baby, my mother could not believe her luck. My MIL, in contrast, still shudders when she thinks of my dh's babyhood. Sadly, both my dcs take after dh, not just in terms of personality, but poor sleeping as well . Sins of the father visited on the mother.

DS 2.8 similar at the moment. Gets very angry when not getting what he wants.

Has just had a bad day, and taken out on his friends at nursery.

I guess it is just a phase.