Anger in 5yo. How would you deal with it?

[Pitchounette]

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am not sure because we are in the same boat a lot of the time - now though have begun not being drawn in when my ds blames me for things that have annoyed him - ie he has fallen over in the street after skidding on the ice and says its my fault etc.

his anger has been loads better over the holidays though this may be because he is much more in control of what happens in the holidays - much like your ds1.

The not answering thing is really getting on my nerves as well - he will quite happily ignore adults and its just really rude. I have tried talking to him less with random banter and questions (to give him space to talk if he wants) but it still continues...gah

have you tried just ignoring completely?

my ds is the same (and same age). On a good day I remain calm and ask him to go to his room for 5 mins to calm down. On a bad day I shout and scream back at him
I think there are a couple of books that have been mentioned on here before which I have saved, I'll go take a look for you.

I think you are behaving quite rationally and so is he.

I think he is angry and doesn't know what to do with the anger. I think 5 year olds deal (generally) quite badly with disapointment and anger, and he almost certainly needed a transition period.

I think he is also being a PITA with it and your response, while not a Perfect Mother/Stepford Wife response, was normal and proportionate. I don't actually think that children are scarred for life by seeing their parents get angry with them when they are being eegits. Also, I think it is good for them to see what happens after one loses ones temper-you calm down, apologise, etc.

And you did all the right things with the understanding and so on. Sometimes they are just angry. Sometimes they just need to be angry and then, IMO, its about recognising that they are deeply pissed off and letting them express this, but with boundries to protect others. We can't stop them being angry, and nor should we.

I think there is a difference too between sending a child to their room to get some space between you-bascially to prevent the situation escalating-and doing it as a behaviour management tool. I don't really hold with the latter but the former-well its unavoidable with some chidlren, isn't it?

I can see that some anger management techniques MIGHT be helpful but really-he is 5. He will probably grow out of it.

Yes, definitely something about the age. Finding something to blame seems v important. DS is also 5 and always wants to know whose fault it is. Even when he isn't angry or upset. If I am upset or cross or we running late, he wants to who whose 'fault' it is when sometimes it is nobody's fault just circumstances.

if you search on amzon for "self help anger children" you'll get loads of ideas for books. One that was mentioned on mumsnet was "taming the dragon in your child". There are also a couple of story books that come up in the search which helps the child to understand that they have these sort of feelings, and that that is ok. That was the route I went down and in fact the book I bought was "How do you feel" by Gilian Liu which I think is aimed at younger children, but I think it was a good start.........

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oh god though, I suspect that post could have been written by ANY of us with 5 year old boys.

god they can be hard work though. I have a 3 yo and a 5 yo (and a baby) and I keep looking at them and thinking "HOW did I think being 3 was hard work? They are so amenable at 3!" (well in comparison.

I can't get my head around the fact that my lovely little boy actually WANTS to annoy me

while you're all here - have any of you got any strategies for the ignoring - when an adult asks a question or even just says hello and your ds ignores do you make them answer - even if it is just 'I dont know'?

I cant get across to my ds that you make friends by talking to people - I want him to understand that you get back what you put in but equally dont want to push him too hard if hes really shy...

My DS is six, and we have just the same problem. I am hoping that someone on here has a solution!!

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My kids dont' ignore now but both mine did in the past. However, that was certainly shyness, not rudeness.

If it might be shyness, I wouldn't personally make them speak to an adult, or otherwise embarass them. I was a shy child and I really believe that the reason I am not an especially shy adult is because my parents let me be shy until I felt able to come out of my shell.

Ds also goes into daydreams, which tbh is quite irritating when stuff actually needs doing. He is not ignoring as such but sometimes I need him not to do it.

I dunno, I talk about this stuff with my kids and try to find a solution. And then I shout . .

Am assuming you have How To Talk...?

pitchounette let us go for the more experienced eye.

Especially since I have 3 of them

(kids, not eyes, btw. I'd like another eye)

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I swing between thinking why should I push my ds and thinking that it is really impolite - I dont understand why he doesnt have that inclination to make other people happy by doing it tbh - he does it to the other children in his class too - they are always coming out of school yelling goodbye to him and his name to make him look and he wont even acknowledge them - and tbh it does come across as arrogance rather than shyness - but then is a 5 year old capable of that?

When I see him in the classroom through the window he will be chatting away to them so maybe its just around me.

my expectations are probably too high I know- he's only 5 but then we have some of his friends over and they chat my ears off for hours on end...

rule one - dont compare your dc to others [repeat to fade]