Ok I am going to be really honest here, think ds is a TV addict!!! Please read!

[cheekymonk]

Ds first sentence every day is "I'm hungry" fine I hear you say so usual routine of make breakfast, telly on whilst I either go back to bed or go and have shower etc (work day).
On a work day he will watch about an hour of telly before he goes to nursery.
On our return at 4.30, telly goes straight on and it is on until he has a bath (6.45ish) so 3 hours 15 mins on a work day. On the weekend it is much more, about 5 hours per day.
If the telly is on in the day it is kids telly and I watch mine at night time. it is dawning on me that he watches far too much and it may well be a cause in his very aggressive tantrumy behaviour. He is constantly saying he is tired even with a good 12 to 13 hours sleep.
Don't get me wrong, I take him to soft play, library etc, play with him in his room so telly is not on all the time but I am sure it is too much. I just have so much to do especially as dh is away and has left finances very complicated.
Is his tv cosumption appalling, worse than average or average??
Am really embarrassed and know how crap I am but need honest advice to help me get ds out of rut...
BTW his weight is fine, he is very active and after a hard day at nursery I know he loves his chill out time...
Going to inlaws and ds wanting tv on so much and always his choice just highlighted things.

starbear that's interesting - i remember reading a couple of years ago an excellent article about how we shouldn't aim (specifically) for happy kids, we should aim for resilient ones...that way lies happiness (more indirectly, but more reliably). i was very struck by that.

DS2 was a telly addict too. sympathies. it does sound as though your LO is watching too much.

A holiday in the sun without tv broke the habit for us. When we came back, the tv had a cloth over it which stayed on for 3 weeks. Then we gradually reintroduced it.

What also worked for me was picking the time of day I'd get least resistance which was mornings. Can you reinforce that climbing into bed routine a bit more but allow tv after nursery still for the time being? One step at a time and all that.

I'm trying to limit dd's (3.5) time - she's watching CBeebies right now while I 'shower' . She watches from 30 mins-2 hours/day

It's hard when you have a child who won't play on their own not to over-rely on the TV. No matter how I try to set up activities - she has to have me do it with her or else shadow me protesting and hanging onto me.

I also put it on if she gets up early at the weekend and Sunday's might be more if we are trying to get chores done. IIWY I would cut back a bit.

I've had some success with using story/song/poems on tapes and CDs instead. I particularly use them in the kitchen to get stuff done and/or keep dd at the table to finish eating. You can pick up quite a few second-hand.

I have given in a little this morning. He was up at 5am and into our bed (another faux par)I never go back to sleep when he's in the same bed. Thought he wet the bed to tired to check. DH up at 6.45am Cuddle in bed with a cup of tea. DS happy to get dressed as he wanted to play in the snow. Breakfast snowballing in the garden. Now I just want a little Mumsnet and tidy up stairs. He can have 2 programmes while he is warming up. The up stairs to play while I clean the kitchen floor downstairs while I listen to BBC 7 drama. Must ween my self off using TV

I resolved to be better today and after ds had watched about an hour (am being honest) we went swimming and had a great time. Then home andguests so strict about no telly then. I watched telly for 30 mins then we went in his room and sorted out his clothes (he loves the thrill of being too big for some of his clothes- height not weight wise btw) but he begged to watch telly after an hour. Today has been an improvement but I can see its going to take time. Wish I hadn't been so lazy in forst place but like many of you agree its not easy with a child who dislikes playing independently.
I do feel today has been pretty well balanced and feel quite happy!

Cheekymonkey We can work on this together. But today I'm at work and Ds is at nursery until 1pm when my Mum picks him up. I know she watches tons of telly. But she is doing me a huge favour on just spending money so I can't be too mean. I have asked her not to let him watch so much but its easier in Summer than right now.

Ah thanks Starbear yes its good to have moral support. I noticed how ds is so transfixed by telly in the morning he is so slow to eat breakfast, get dressed etc so am working on that knocking that down if not banning telly first thing in morning when its a nursery day!!!
Yes I pay about £360 per month for nursery so it must be nice to know they are with family but yes difficult to dictate too much!

Hi, I haven't left you but I've been at work. I've been getting in late so have no influence on what has happened today. Wow your nursery fee are a lot lower than we have up here in the smoke. Until 9 Feb DS is going to nursery on Friday and leaving me free in the morning to get some jobs done. Then in the afternoon I have promised to unpack his Thomas electric train. So I will try and play most of the afternoon with him but will my resolve perter out by the afternoon. We don't have a TV in the kitchen (which I miss at night as I don't like sport and crime dramas. We don't have a TV in our bedroom either. All of this does reduce the tendency to turn it on around the house. I think we will fall at the gates either tomorrow late afternoon or Saturday morning!

Not doing well as DS is watching TV now. But I have got my bed made and laundry in the various places Dryer, clothes horse in machine and ready to be folded. He just doesn't play on his own & just wants me to sit next to him when he plays and doesn't listen when he asks for help AAARGH!
I'm going to have a shower now dress and turn the TV off.
Cheekymonkey How are you doing? I see that your often on your own that can't be easy?
Take care.

HI all, Have been reading this thread with interest. I used to get up in the mornign with my dd 2.8 (6:30ish) and switch on TV (Cbeebies) without really thinking. It would then pretty much be on till we left for nursery at 8:15 and then once back home about 6 would be on again till 7. so she was probably watching about 3 hours of TV a day, more at weekends, when it would be on till we went out to do soemthing (prob 4 or 5 hours a day). Having read this thread and seeing I am not alone, decided to take a bit of action on it as I realise this has developdd into a bad habit/ routine. Am no longer turning it on until she asks for it. Yesterday and today she didn't want it at all. I have been telling her we don't need it on all the time and she has even started repeating it and turning the TV off herself! Last night she switched it off after about half an hour. I used it as a bit of a baby sitter but actually have found her behaviour much better when it's not been on at all. Fingers crossed we can keep it up but am glad to have done something about it at last.

Glad the thread inspired you mamaolivia...
Am ok thanks starbear but work stressful and ds keeps asking for telly even when we do other things...
Am trying to reduce his telly consumption but can see it is a long road!

I was getting sick of the TV that DD (aged 7)was watching and the arguments it would cause when I switched it off, so had decided to ban it this year. I was persuaded by a friend that getting rid of the TV would make my daughter a social leper, but I still decided to curtail TV watching.

So, as of January 1st, we have no TV on weekdays at all. DD appears to have accepted this rule willingly. It probably helps that I don't watch it during the week either.

The only time we really watch TV now is on Friday evenings (about an hour), DD watches TV Saturday mornings for maybe 2 hours whilst I sleep in, then for the rest of the weekend, it may be on for an additional 3 hours in total. Often it will be less than that though, as we're often out and about.

DD knows that if she makes any fuss about the TV being turned off at weekend, or whines about not having it on during the week, then I'll get rid of it completely (which would be a bit of a PITA for me since I'd have to watch the odd DVD on the laptop!).

I think if your DS realises that you want to cut down viewing time and you stick to your guns, he'll accept the changes quite quickly. It's also easy to take the fuse out of the plug if he whinges!

sockbunnies, that's inspirational. you do indeed rock!
i would love to do the same. if i just had DD (7) i would, no question. but DS(5) is SO shattered after school that he virtually needs a bit of telly to get himself together. however, i realise that's a bit ridiculous - given that for hundreds of years 5 yr olds survived without it!!
will ponder...i virtually never watch telly and could easily do with it, but DH is quite attached to it and would not like it to be ditched altogether.
telly has fallen down my list of modern-world-inspired worries at the moment in any case - two of DD's classmates were given mobile phones for xmas FFS - aged 7!okay one one of them had just turned 8. but still!
what is the world coming to etc etc etc etc etc (i could bore for britain on this topic )

I am going to be a bit hard here but never mind I am flameproof by now.

Your son is 4 you are his mum , you think he watches too much tv, TURN IT OFF!

(or is that considered as child cruelty nowadays ?)

Our new years resolution is 1 hour of tv and pc a day. DD (just turned 6) chooses what she will do for the hour. She can only take it 5 - 5.30pm and 6 - 7pm. She does get "bonus time" in the morning if shes ready for school early, and we might watch a dvd as well, at the weekends. She has adapted well, and has started choosing to go to evening activities like rainbows, that she hadnt want to do before.

Could be a bit trickier for smaller kids, with less concept of time. Maybe agree on one or two programmes a day and set an alarm to go off a few mins before it starts so they know they wont miss it?

If you want an honest answer here is mine:

You know 5 hours is way too much for anyone but especially a young child. Nothing wrong with a bit of tv but that amount is sad. what a waste of his childhood.

He is probably tired because as anyone that spends all day staring at a screen knows TV/computer makes you feel tired. Also I bet he says 'I'm tired' and then you turn on the telly for him. (My DS tries this one adn it did work for a bit)

If I were you I would do a 2 week ban. Accept that it is harder for you than him to quit the habit. Realise it is for your benefit and not his that you put it on so much. Show him how to play with his toys. Get stuff set up for him like painting/colouring and do it with him.

Each morning set up a toy the night before and it can be a surprise for him (invent a toy fairy ... to get him interested)

good luck - the first stage is denial so you are already in stage two!!

Am surprised I have not had had more responses like yours noonki. Yes I do accept some of what you say and more of it when I really think about it. I just think it is a bit "ideal world like" that telly is on I don't know say a max of 1 hour an day and the rest of the time is spent playing with his toys, craft activities, riding his bike etc. When I was small it certainly wasn't activity, activity, activity.
You are right though, when he says he is tired I have put the tv on for him. I have been consciously not switching it on as soon as we wake/enter house.
I do genuinely think that telly is chill out time for him and we do lead busy lives. He is always saying how nursery tires him out.
I am however, very aware that we have some bad habits that I am ashamed of and wish to address. I have been switching the telly off as previously suggested but it is addressing his desire to constantly watch telly as even if we are doing something else he asks for tv after a certain length of time.
Thanks everyone for advice.

Hi cheeky, glad you dont hate me , was feeling abit bolshy earlier
well done for being so honest, I think it is really hard to take a look at what you do and accept may be wrong (I need to do this with our 'leaving the house' routine which has turned into a daily battle!)
I so think it is massively addictive ( I was an addict as a kid). The more they do it the more they want it.

As for the relaxing bit; I think when they play by themselves in that imaginative play way that that is just as relaxing. I know DS1 needs to be on his own to do that if we have been around a lot of people for the day.

''I think when they play by themselves in that imaginative play way that that is just as relaxing'' - but not for the parent if they insist the parent takes part! For me - this is where telly is seductive. I ration telly - but I do see why it creeps up if dcs want interaction every minute. The problem is often not whether dc needs telly but whether mum needs time out.

Hi, just found this thread. I also am coming to realise that we watch far too much TV in this house. Have a DD age 2 and DS 1 and live in a small house with just the living room and kitchen downstairs to be in. Often both DCs are up at 6am and with it being winter Im finding it so hard to keep them amused until things like playgroup start at 930am. 3 hours to kill in 1 room is just torture sometimes. But its so cold outside that the kids just cry if I try and take them out very first thing, and nothing is open anyway.

DH works nights so I have to try and keep them reasonably quiet. Inevitably TV goes on as soon as DD gets up, or at the moment she is obsessed with watching Wall-E film on the laptop and watches it at least once a day .

I cant wait for the summer as we would often be down the park at 8am. I try and do crafts with her but DS often comes over and knocks stuff over, hes too young to really get involved. So I start playing with him, then she gets bored and asks for TV to be on....etc, etc.

Sometimes I just dread the mornings as soon as I wake up, I find it so hard. But I can see DD turning into a complete TV addict if Im not careful. Sayign that we go to playgroups twice a week, she is in nursery 1 day and we are out every day at least once.
Any suggestions for mornings??

to cazwa I only have a 2 yo left at home in the morning ( the other 3 are all in school). what she loves to do in the morning: messup everything I trie to tidy! So I now give her an empty bucket and leave her loose near the plastic boxes cupboard, while I try to clean the kitchen she empties the cuboard in the buchet, and then the bucket back into the cupboard, she 's not tired of it yet.

she then follows me into all the rooms trying to do like me (exept bathroom as I use bleach and am terrified she would get hurt). Sometimes I take the portable cd player arround the house with us with nursery rhymes or stories to keep us entertained in this extra boring taskes.

Cazwa - I sympathise my DH works nights often and it is VERY stressful trying to keep my 3 year old and 21 month old quiet.

What we do is:

Breakfast in the kitchen (everyone 'helps' me make it and to wash up...DS1 koves 'washing up' -and in his PJs doesn't matter if they get wet.)

then get dressed

then I try and organise something for them to do like
colouring / painting or gluing(I put 22 month old in his high chair)

I then get a box of toys down. They can play with it til they get bored then we tidy it up together and choose a different box. That way they get excited about the 'new' box.

I also bought DH some earplugs and I turn the phone off whilst he is asleep!

hi Cheekymonk

my dd (5) also single child was watchign too much tv last year

so we've now adopted the strategy of:

no TV at all before school (she draws - with crayons only or does piano practice or reads - so no mess) and dh and I take it in turns to be with her ...but we are abroad so earlier starts here = less time to fill in mornings ...

and then she is allowed 2 programmes when she gets home (max 40 mins) - then she has to help me cook tea & set table etc - time up is indicated by timer bell (she seems to accept that more easily than me just telling her to switch it off !!)

Also - this year - we are thinking of adopting strategy of packing TV away from 1 April through to 1 October - so that we don't rely on it during the hols. I know this sounds extreme but a friend of mine did this with very good results ...dc more compliant, longer attention span, more 'grounded' etc ...I'll let you know how it goes ....!!!

counting - we have same strategy as you during the week and it works pretty well - none in the morning, 40 minutes ended by a timer after school. at weekends DS clamours for more though, and during the week despite our 40 minute rule he is devastated each and every time the telly goes off when the timer rings! which is why i know i've still got an addict on my hands . on holiday away from home i've sometimes hidden the tv on arrival and we've had a week off - i've loved that and DS has been amazingly accepting each time. i have not considered your summer ban but am off to ponder it forthwith - interesting idea!

Haven't read all this, my this is a subject close to my heart because my boys love watching TV for hours so I have some rules. No TV at all on weekdays unless at home genuinely sick, but not sick enough to be lying in bed the whole time. 2 DVDs per day at weekends if weather's rubbish. DVDs in the car on long drives (more than one hour). I also cancelled the SKY subscription and completely gave up watching TV myself to set a good example. This turned out brilliantly as I now read lots of books and enjoy that much more.