DD age 5 - problem with choosing clothes

[BlueCornflower]

My DD (age 5) has been really naughty these holidays and I know most of it is probably a reaction to starting Reception and being tired / over-excited etc but one thing that she screams about (for a long...time... most...mornings...) is her clothes.

Although she has personally chosen virtually everything in her wardrobe (so she 'likes' it), she won't wear her 'nice' stuff in case it gets dirty and she won't wear the stuff she doesn't like.

This morning she spent an hour screaming that she didn't know what to wear. I said she could wear anything but she didn't want to wear her favourite dress in case it got dirty. I said if I did I would wash it but she screams that she doesn't want it washed and she doesn't want it dirty.

I have tried (in calm moments) to ask why she doesn't want her clothes washed but still don't get much sense out of her. It maybe just a paranoid thing. Over the last couple of weeks (we have been away for one week) she has become paranoid about throwing anything (ANYTHING...) away or about leaving the house without ALL her toys or about leaving the toilet, but I won't go into that one! I think this has been down to a lack of control and feeling insecure - about what I don't know. Maybe the washing the clothes thing comes into that.

When we are in routine we always choose her clothes the night before and get them out ready but haven't done this over the holidays but I will start this again tomorrow.

She doesn't like wearing new clothes either. For example, someone bought her some new pants for Christmas but she doesn't want to unroll them and wear them as that will spoil them... I am sure they will sit in the drawer for weeks like that.

Any ideas? (Apart from trying yet again to get her to verbalise it.)

I don't have any ideas, but I'll be watching, and can I just add that my 5 year old will no longer wear pyjamas, or most clothes because they're "itchy", or even "look itchy". She has to always wear a vest, a boy's vest, a very small tight one, and backwards.

What makes it worse, is she's thin, so there are few clothes that fit anyway, and of those, there are few she'll wear.

The screaming is phenomenal.

It sounds as if you are doing everything you can in terms of letting her choose her clothes both in the shop and on a daily basis. The routine of laying out clothes the night before sounds a good one too.

You have tried being reasonable and asking her to rationalise her thoughts. What happens if you completely ignore her screaming and tantrums? - if you get on with your morning routine with no reference to what she's doing at all? Do the normal getting up thing, tell her calmly when it's time to get dressed and then leave her to it. Don't try to negotiate/rationalise/understand/discuss - don't try to get her to verbalise it! - just let her see that you expect it to happen. Completely ignore all the screaming and the fuss - come on MN for a bit while she's doing it Then get on with the day - if she's not dressed, tell her she'll have to go to the library (or wherever) as she is!

Put the clothes in the basket when they need washing and wash as normal - and let her scream about it. Starting school may have made her insecure and unsettled so the best thing you can do is make her feel very secure with lots of boundaries that reassure her life goes on at home as normal - getting dressed, washing clothes and so on.

My 5 year old won't wear anything with a button on. She will wear her school uniform which has them on though thank goodness.

Thanks for this. Yes, have tried ignoring her and do so up to a point. Did say she had to be dressed this morning by 10 when DH was taking her out and she was actually ready when he was going out the door (or she would have gone in PJs which I guess she realised). Maybe it is just the lack of boundaries thing on holiday and out of routine. She is usually okay about getting school unfiform on.

(NAB - my DD won't wear any clothes that are 'bumpy'. We had to take back a nice John Lewis T Shirt with appliqued flowers on that she got for Christmas...)

Sometimes I feel I just let her scream about so much and long for a quiet calm life but then she wouldn't be my striving, go-getting little DD...

god, NAB, DS (3.5) is the same about buttons! I have no idea where it came from, I have never encouraged any sort of fussiness about these things, I don't give him a choice most o the time about what he wears and he doesn't choose what clothes I buy, but he totally freaks out if I try to put tops on him that have buttons on!

with children who are feeling a bit out of their depth, like your daughter starting school, they find ways of being in control. Be it becoming fussy eaters of picky about their clothes or a million and one things they do that we just dont understand! All she is doing is finding something in her life she can control. I think I would go with it for now but tell her she is being unreasonable to not to wear new things cos she will get them dirty. How about trying some messy play at home so she can see getting dirty is nothing to worry about. Shaving foam is great to play with on the kitchen table, as is playdough, salt dough and finger painting.

I would cut down on the choice and simply have 2 outfits with an 'either,or'. With new pants keep wearing the old but don't put them back in the drawer so that she gets down to having to wear the new.

Thanks for the ideas. PurePurple - that's really helpful. I think you have hit on why she is behaving the way she is. I finally got her to explain that she doesn't like her clothes being washed because then she can't wear her favourites (as they are wet!).

Perhaps I am a bit strict about getting messy inside (although I have no problem with her getting muddy outside). Okay - we'll try some messy play inside...

Back to school tomorrow so hopefully all will calm down!