Learning to share & discipline issues - any advice?

[adee1974]

My DD is 2 and I've noticed when she plays with other kiddies, even those older than her, she has started getting protective of her toys and crying or pushing them if she doesn't get her way. How do we manage this? Does anyone else have similar situations. She is starting to develop her own little 'wilful' personality, so any tips on how to discipline gently would be great too? Thanks!

i think its important not to try to make her share too much, when you are two and just realising you are a person in your own right, its very disconcerting to have stuff taken off you all the time. she's too little to properly understand that she will get it back.

Thanks for that, how do I stop her pushing, its bit embarrassing.

I agree with mazzy ,don't expect her to share, it's not an easy concept to understand at that age, as for the pushing, just gently remind her every time she does it "remember, it's not nice to push" with smiles and then change the subject, she will soon get the hang of it

If it is a toy special to DD, like one of the many soft toys she takes to bed then I would probably not make her share because I think she has a right to her special things. I deal with that by saying "Oh yes, that is your special toy isn't it, so how about you choose something that X can play with" and encourage her to pick another of her own toys to share. If DD was just not wanting to share any of her toys then I might try distraction. I wouldn't let her get away with pushing, she would be told off for that, but this behaviour is part of being 2 and I wouldn't be embarrassed about it.

Thanks Mazzy and purepurple, will go easy

How far past 2 is she?

Because I think I disagree with the other posters. DS is 2.7 and at just after 2 onwards he started to struggle with sharing his toys. I believe he does have to learn to share - that's life. He has favourite toys which he is encouraged to put away in his room when friends come round but all others are for sharing. Inevitably the children all want to play with the same toy and we (adults) intervene and encourage them to take turns. A vital lifeskill. They now, most of the time, have the hang of this themselves and start turn taking immediately. If it's playing with a bigger toy like a kitchen then they can take on different roles and have different items e.g. one a saucepan, one a kettle and swap if at some point they want to. I think the younger you encourage sharing the easier it is for them to grasp.

of course chilldren need to learn to share but they need a hell of a lot of support and guidance from grown ups, it does not come naturally, a lot of children think that sharing means they get what they want to play with "so and so isn't sharing" meaning "I want it now". I tell the children I care for that they will have to wait until the other child has finished with it. That's more realistic isn't it, thnt expecting to get something just because the other child has to share?

Thanks Weegle, she has just turned two, she is keeping us on our toes, believe me!

She was given a lot of big toys at Christmas and her favourite is her pushcar which she got all protective about and a couple of her teddy bears. If you ask her to give her toys to other kids she will, just recently she has started the pushing thing. Don't want her to become a bully!

At that age DS was looked after by a nanny who had a child of exactly the same age. So that she didn't spend the whole day policing fights, we methodically taught them to 'take turns'.
We did this by demonstrating first - handing a toy back and forth quite quickly - "Blu's turn, nanny's turn," like a game. Then included the boys - still keeping the posession time very short, so that they could see that they would get somethng back - someone else holding your toy does not mean it is gone forever. Then we got them to pass a toy back and forth between them, saying 'your turn, his turn'.

Taking turns is more of a tangible concept for small children tounderstand, i think. 'Share' is a very nebulous thing to explain. 'Both ply - you play and v play' might be clearer. But mostly i suspect posession is the key, and once they have experience that a toy in another child;s hands does NOT mean it is gone forever, they will be calmer with it.

Worked for our two, anyway.