Please tell me about co-sleeping!

[ellideb]

My DS is 15 weeks and we gave been co-sleeping for most of his 15 weeks as it is so nice, convenient with BF and he seems to sleep much better when we do it. Trying to get him to sleep in his cot is a nightmare which ends up with the both of us crying and me feeling like a witch because I am of the sort who believes that babies this young need to be next to their mummy's and listening to him breaking his heart crying is impossible for me.

The problem is I'm worried also that I'm making a 'rod for my own back' as it were, and that he will still be sleeping with us when he is 2 and it will be impossible to train him to go to sleep by himself in his own bed!

The other problem is trying to get him to nap on his own during the day. He wants to be held to go off to sleep and the moment you put him down, however gently, he wakes!

This can be a bit of a nuisance as you can imagine as its hard to get anything done. I keep telling myself that he's only a tiny baby, to make the most of it now and housework can wait but can anyone offer me any wisdom or advice on how to make this all a bit easier? Much appreciated!

Hmmm, well I coslept with DS2, as you have found, because it was easier, kept me in bed longer, he loved it, and we got more sleep. He is 15 months now, and sleeps in his own cot, but that is because the creche trained him when he went there at 9 months. But I found that I could feed him to sleep at home, in our bed, and carefully lift him up into the cot most times. It worked, and I'd do the same during the day. But he was a bit older than yours, and a deeper sleeper than DS1 was. I had to have DS1 in a sling for month as he wouldnt go near a cot. It might be easier if you warm the cot with a hot water bottle, and just be gentle. Of course, what also works is if your partner/husband puts the baby to sleep, ie placing him in the cot, as then the whole boob issues doesnt come up. But 15 weeks is tiny, let him sleep on you, and enjoy how small he still is.

i co sleep with my ds who is 19 months and have done since birth. His cot has been used a handful of times. He sleeps brilliantly with us although does wake early and insist on getting up and out of bed so I have to follow but that could be the case in a cot too. I also co slept with my dd who went in a bed at about 2 and although there was a couple of nights of tears she was fine on the whole and now age 5 is a great sleeper. I intend to co sleep until ds is at least 2 but would do it for longer if I felt he wasn't ready for a bed. Don't worry too much about the nap times, just do whatever it takes to get your dc to sleep. I have to lie down next to my ds and he may take 10 mins or so but he does go off and I go downstairs. I do have a regular nap time after lunch so he knows it coming and is therefore tired. I think people can get abit obessed with nap times (I did with my dd!) but really they only need naps until about age 2 - 2.5 so it's not something that goes on forever ..

I co-slept with my dd for about 18 months - it was lovely. At 18 months we bought her a double bed and put her to bed in there. If she woke in the night - I'd just jump into bed with her. She's now two and sleeps brilliantly (was in my opinion the worst sleeper in the world when she was smaller...).

I never did reach the holy grail of self settling so just relaxed and always BF, or cuddled her to sleep. She is now two and goes to bed with a bottle of cows milk and a cuddle from me - it takes about 6 mins to get her to sleep.

no no no, don't listen to anyone who says you're making a rod for your own back! Horrible phrase! And not true. I agree with you - I think babes need and want to be close to Mum, especially if they are huggy babies. Some are more independent but ds was/is very cuddly. I used to cart him about in a sling, he'd sleep there and would be very happy going about our business together. We co-slept, and it made total sense as we all slept well, when ds woke for a feed he didn't really wake up properly as none of us had to get up or move far, so he got into good sleeping habits early on.

Agree with mollythetortoise about just doing whatever it takes to get him to sleep - cuddle, carry, rock, sing, sit, sling... whatever If it isn't a problem for you and you don't feel you need to make a change, then don't! Don't try and make sleep happen a different way just because you feel you "should" or that you're not "doing it right". If it works for you as a family, it's good

I'm going to be quick as its way past my bedtime over here but DD co-slept with us till she was 8 months and then on and off until 12m - though mostly in bedside cot. She's now an amazing sleeper (at 20m) who enjoys her own space in the cot and refuses to sleep in bed with us at all. So no rod at all. Do what you feel is the most comfortable for you and DS. My midwife told me that the security babies feel from co-sleeping helps with not only their sleeping (eventually) but with their confidence. Who knows, all I can say is that I have a very independent little girl now and she was a very cuddly baby -still is!
Agree with kitbit - I used the sling for everything. Reemeber you Ds is still so young, he won't have a proper routine yet, he'll just want to be with his mum.
When you feel ready you could try a bedside cot - mothercare do a good one.

My ds3 is now almost 6 months and we co-sleep. Up to about 3 months, he would only sleep in the sling or in bed attached to me. From 3 to 4 months, I noticed a slight change where he became easier to settle and on a handleful of times I could feed him to sleep on my bed and then get up and leave him there. From 4 months on, he mecame much easier. Now, I can feed him to sleep on my bed for all naps and get up and leave him. At night, he can sometimes (not always) be put into the middle of the bed after a feed.

Phew! I feel so much better and more reasured after reading your replies so thanks! I hate that phrase too kitbit, it seems only the older generation seem to use it and tutt tutt at most 'modern' ways of doing things!

I agree with the idea of them growing up more secure because of it and its nice to know that they do grow out of it eventually.

I'm not sure about putting him in a sling because he's a big boy (17lbs) and I've bought a baba sling and just can't get along with it. It's something that I will give another go though! I'm finding that he likes to go to sleep lying down by my side with me feeding him, then I can slip away quietly.

Very reassuring and thanks again for your replies!

Marx - same here. My ds is 3 and we still co sleep and breastfeed. Any tinkering with either the sleeping or feeding arrangements results in my ds's daytime behaviour becoming atrocious (he is normally very very well behaved) so I assume from this that he still needs it.

ellideb - my ds used to nap on my back in my ergo. There is a sleeping hood to support the head so I could get on and do whatever I wanted while he was asleep!

elli, it is not a rod if you love it. I co-slept with my dd from 5 months due to sudden escalation of sleep issues. With my ds, I co-slept with him from birth because I love it so much. He is still in my bed at 2.3 years' old and it is the loveliest thing to cuddle his strong, warm little body in the depths of the night. I feel I am the luckiest mummy in the world.

The co-sleeping at night is not a problem at all IMO. We did for many months and my 3-year old still comes into bed sometimes when feeling out of sorts or poorly. The rest of the time he is very happy to be in his own bed, in fact even on the occasions he ends up in my bed he will often say after a little while, "want to go in my bed now"

But not being able to go to sleep in the cot on their own for naps can prove a problem later on. It did for me, as I ended up pushing DS round the park even in the depths of winter, wiping snow off my glasses as I trudged along, trying to get him off for a nap. In the end I followed techniques from the baby whisperer book to get him to go to sleep in his cot at nap time during the day. When the next bubba comes along (currently a twinkle in his Dad's eye although DP doesn't know it yet) I am definitely going cut out all that walking round the park or rocking to sleep malarky for daytime naps. But at night time - do whatever you need to do!

I'm sorry to give a more negative reply, but I think I'm in a good position to answer this as I've been thinking about it myself.

I'm cosleeping with a 2.5 year old and 5 week old at the moment, but in a few weeks I'm going to try to get the 5 wk old into a bed. For us, cosleeping with ds1 was a solution for his awful awful sleeping (waking every 40 minutes all night)when he was 9 months old, but it has brought its own problems. We had months when he would wake every 40 min until it was time for us to go to bed, it increased his night time bfing from once or twice to about 4 times (although I surprisingly managed to night wean him quite easily at about 12 months), he still wakes at least once or twice a night for a hug, and there are nights when he seems to pull my hair all night. Also, he still needs me around to sleep and it obviously created difficulties when dd was born - he was woken up by her crying in our room and I'm nervous sleeping between two children and I don't know what would have happened if I had had to spend time in hospital. So, for all these reasons, I'm going to try to give dd a chance to learn to sleep in a cot on her own. If, however, she turns out to be as bad a sleeper as ds I would definitely choose cosleeping above cc - despite all my whinging it hasn't been that bad.

Molly I share all yr worries but I absolutely love sleeping with my DD. I love knowing that I give her comfort and I love seeing her little hand on my boob making sure I'm right there with her. HOWEVER I am trying to get her to sleep in her cot/basket etc because I really miss being able to cuddle my husband and I don't sleep terribly well next to her - have to put my arm above my head because she likes to be right next to me - and I think it won't be good for my rel'ship with my husband to continue. Interesting that no other mums mentioned hubbies in the posts above!! what does that mean??