what do i do when an 18 month old has a screaming tantrum

[colnelcustard]

I'm no virgin at this I've got two others but my 18 month old dd has just started having tantrums. I want to know the right way to go about handling this as basically I think i fucked up with number two (number one never had them).

what's the best advice obviously they have no concept of right and wrong or what you are saying to them. thank you any help would be appreciated greatly! its bloody non stop at the mo.

erm, I'm no expert but I try my best to ignore, which is easiest if you are at home.
The other thing I try is distraction which does work, maybe 5 times out of 10.

generallly ignore, or try and distract

Disagree about them not having no concept of right and wrong or what you're saying - they do.............(IMO)

I got 'Toddler Taming' for Christmas . What they advise is a hierarchy of strategies ...

1. Distract ("Oh look, Daddy's home - oh no wait...")
2. Ignore (walk off to another part of the room/another room if it's safe and do something else)
3. Move them somewhere they can't hurt themselves and can calm down (without your attention).

Hope that helps!

"3. Move them somewhere they can't hurt themselves and can calm down (without your attention)."

• does it say what do to if the tantrums involve running/stomping round in ever increasingly circles with throwingo n the floor at intermittment periods

Depends where they throw the tantrum. If at home in the living-room (where they can kick around on the floor in reasonable safety), go to the kitchen and a make a nice cup of tea. Then sit in the living-room with you feet up and have a rest, while the little darling wears themselves out. Then start reading a children's book outloud. Little one may then stop and come a join you.

she just seems to start having a tantrum over every tiny little thing. and she shouts no no no at all the time which to be fair is one of only four words that she knows.

she also has a really high pitched single scream that drives me nuts. my dd2 did it and still does occasionally and i don't want to listen to it for another three years.

is it unreasonable to give her a little tap on the back of the hand when she does it. i don't go in for hitting but want to get the message through that i don't want this noise.

oh the high pitched screaming, urrrrrgh, my ds does this. he's 16 months. he cries, then screams an ear piercingly loud high pitched scream and he looks at me as he does and is wanting a reaction. i give him none, not even eye contact. it makes my blood boil but i wouldn't go for tapp1in1g the hand or else when she wants you to stop doing something she will think she has the right to 'tap' you and won't know her own strength. ignore!!!!!!

The best thing to do is to ignore it - dont give in or pay any attention as the clever little things learn that if there scream reached 100 decibels to attract your attention, then that is exactly what they will do again to acheive the result they want! Like you my ds never had them, but when my dd was about 18mths she became very headstrong. I would just step over her and go into the other room and make a cup of tea, 9 times out of 10 she would follow, still screaming, but I would continue with what I was doing and only speak to her once she had stopped. Easier said then done, espicially if it happens in public, but if you persevere with ignoring her, she will eventually realise that screaming will not gain your attention. Good luck x

Tapping her on the hand would be the lazy way round if you'll forgive me for saying so. All it would teach her is that when mum can't get her own way, she 'hits'.

What you would be best to do IMHO is try anything and everything to distract her. At this age they are very easily distractible, it takes a bit of thought and energy (which I understand may be a tall order with 3 kids!) but it works nearly all the time IME. If she is having a bad day with it and won't be distracted tell her that you don't talk to people who make that noise and ignore her.

I agree that ignoring is the way to go. That way you are really teaching her how you want her to behave. But in order to make ignoring really effective IMO you need to be giving her lots of love, attention, cuddles, positivity and warmth. Then the contrast if that is suddenly removed is very effective.

Don't tap her hand - counterproductive and she won't understand.

The very best thing to do when a toddler has a tantrum is leave the country. Failing that walk away if possible, and ignore ignore ignore.

I would agree completely with Leo9 (but not always easy to summon the energy, I say I Think I manage it about 65% of the time. Might make it one of my resolutions to up the ante

if my 17mo dd does the throwing herself on the floor kicking thing I just say "stand up" and nine times out of ten she does. I know it won't be as simple as that forever but distraction is my only other weapon of choice at the moment. I am with you on how unbearable the screeching can be - my mum just tells her to say please instead - and it seems to confuse her enough to make her stop!

I have now been walking away - leaving her screeching and pointing at the biscuit jar- which has now been hidden from sight .