A couple of questions after clinic visit

[Holly02]

I took ds (2 yrs 8 months) for a clinic visit yesterday and the nurse said everything is fine with his development.

I wasn't sure about a couple of things she said to me though - one was that I should be letting him dress himself, and the other was that I should start talking to him about 'stranger danger'. In other words, warning him about anyone who might touch him inappropriately. I understand the importance of telling children about this kind of thing, but at his age I don't think ds would have a clue what I was on about. Also does anyone think that 2.8 is a bit young to be dressing themselves? He can barely pull his own pants up and down. Just wondering what others think.. thanks.

My DS is 3y+5m and is only just getting the hang of taking clothes off. Still screams in frustration at tight jumpers. He can pull trousers up after using toilet, but has great difficulty getting them on from nuddy. He's very agile but not so coordinated, so I think his dressing ability must be in the normal range. However, my friend's DD (3y+4m) can dress herself completely. I would have thought it's good idea to let your DS try, but don't expect much yet.

As for stranger danger -- oh dear!! I know my DS wouldn't understand, yet. Does seem a bit much too soon. I never discourage DS from being shy around new people or strangers, though. Can you remember when we were harangued as kids to be friendly to our parents friends and any old weirdo they met in the park?? Blech!

Agree with Zebra, a bit soon for both in my view, Holly. Ds is a year older at 3.8 and has only just in the past couple of weeks got the hang of dressing himself properly. And we are just starting to touch on the beginnings of stranger danger awareness in the run-up to going to primary school.
By all means let him experiment with trying on clothes, but we found ds just could not be bothered. What helped at home and at nursery was easy-on dressing up gear - hats, waistcoats, scarves etc.

DS (3.4yo) wears a dogtag with address & phone number on it, he's not yet able to say his address, and that's not counting when he's hysterically upset. If he was upset or unconscious be even less able to communicate.

My ds (2 yrs 4 mo) can sort of dress himself if inclined, but that's only with my reminding him that his trousers go on his legs and his shirt goes over his head. He is going through a "by myself" phase, hence why I have tried to help teach him how to dress himself. However, I think it will be a long time before he can actually do it on his own. My stepson is 9 and still puts his shirt on backwards half the time.
Again, my ds is particularly articulate for his age, but I can't imagine him even beginning to comprehend the idea of "stranger danger." Also, I can't really imagine him being in a situation where I wasn't right next to him.

My ds who is 3.7 has just started getting dressed himself. To be honest I probably didn't encourage him to do it, I would just automatically dress him. Now that he has started he does like to do it himself. Think your ds is still very young to be able to do this himself. He will do it in his own time.

My dd is 3yrs1mo and she can put on pants, trousers, and loose tops, and take EVERYTHING off, on a regular basis. She gest frustrated with putting on tight tops, jackets, socks and shoes.
Stranger danger? Never even thought about it!

Ds has just turned 4 and can get himself completely dressed now, although for a long time he just couldn't be bothered and I must admit that when we were in a hurry I found it easier to do it myself! However, I did start to make a conscious effort to get him to do it and now he doesn't like me doing it as he wants to. One thing I find is that it is easier to buy him pants and vests with pictures on the front so that he always knows which way round they go. Plain vests and knickers for girls often seem to have a bow on the front, which obviously makes it easier.

My DS is 3+4 months and he is only just beginning to dress himself. What I do is I put his pants on the floor (picture side up), then I put his trousers on the floor (front up) next to his pants and he sits down and puts them on himself. When he had done that I put his t-shirt on the floor (front down) so that he can pick it up the right way to put over his head. It may sound confusing but he 'gets' the system and it works ... if I left the clothes in a pile and told him to get dressed he would still get it all wrong ... and he is always sooo proud of himself when he has done it.
The other day it was hysterical ... he came into the kitchen saying 'Mummy, this is not right!' He had put his clothes on perfectly but had put his pants on over his trousers ... he looked really confused! He then told his Kindy teacher that he had got dressed like Superman!!!!
I think 2.8 is a bit young to get hung up on getting dressed ... a lot of children I know of that age are not potty trained yet ....
Mmm... stranger danger ... one of my biggest fears is him being 'taken' ... I still remember the Jamie Bulger case very clearly. Luckily my DS is the type that sticks to me like glue when we are out and about ... on account of the fact that he is a sensitive soul and hates the thought of 'losing' Mummy. I don't encourage him ignore strangers or anything but I impress upon him that he mustn't get lost ... IYKWIM?

I think 3 is quite young to be talking about 'stranger danger', but I don't think it is too young to talk about 'inappropriate touching' At this age there is actually more danger from people they know than complete strangers

... you can do this very gently, and without making them worried. Just point out to them the difference between girls' and boys' swimming costumes, and that what is covered it 'private' - that means no-one touches it except you, and you don't touch it in public! (You may need to stress this bit more, so they don't worry about stranger danger). But just stress to them that if anyone ever wants to touch their private parts, then they should just say 'No' very firmly, and tell you afterwards.

Sorry - have been doing an editing assignment, my brain has turned to mush, which is why the message below is complete garbage, all the 'you's and 'they's are mixed up - I hope it makes sense anyway!

3yo DS is starting to get the idea that bottoms are private, toileting is private. But how do I explain to him that it's ok for me to touch his baby sister's bottom when cleaning it, but not okay for other adults to touch DS's willy, etc.? What about the person who took her son to doctor to check the foreskinwasn't too tight -- how do you explain to a child that the doctor touching the child's willy is ok, but any other adult (who might call themselves a doctor!) isn't ok?

The way I crossed this hurdle (stranger danger) when my eldest (now 10) was younger that we told her that NO-ONE is allowed to touch her private parts unless either me, my mum (who looks after her and my other two children when I work) or her dad is present. This gets around explaining anything if a doctor needs to examine a child (there is no way a doctor would examine a child without either the child's parent, grandparent, carer, etc.) being present. Obviously this doesn't take away the threat of family abuse, but I like to think that is not so much of the "norm".

But Bumblelion, what does one do if child attends nursery (at least 9 people there who might end up in position of wiping a bum) & playgroup (add another 6 adults), plus us parents, plus a few trusted friends who might unfortunately get into the position of being present for a dirty bottom, plus the occasional babysitter? I can't just tell my son that his bum is only touchable when a short list of people are present.

zebra I think all you can do is make sure that you trust absolutely anyone you leave him with. I can't explain stranger danger to my three year old because he wouldn't begin to understand- and as he's not potty trained lots of people (at nursery for example) might touch him or whatever as you say. However I don't leave him anywhere that he could be abused. I can't leave him at kids clubs and stuff anyway so it's not really an issue for us. He's only left with nursery or my Mum and Dad. The problem I have at the moment is getting him to keep his trousers on!