How does 'ignoring the bad & praising the good' work when the bad is....

[caspercat]

Pushing the cat off the sofa, saying 'i don't like it' to everything, not wanting daddy to do anything for her & generally saying 'no' to everything??
She's 2.5yrs old, always been 'spirited', but generally funny & happy, a brilliant sleeper & eater. Her sleeping is still great (lucky i know), but her eating has gone up the swanee (tho i'm generally ok with this - we ignore & take away uneaten food, she gets nothing else. She's not fading away & am hopeful tis 'just a phase').
But she's suddenly just become really defiant. She went in time out for the cat thingy - she takes this well & knows she's done wrong. But we only use time out for hitting etc (us or the cats), for everything else i seem to be resorting to bribery (if you don't do 'x' now, we won't do 'y' later'), or taking a favourite toy away. I know we should be doing the ignoring thing, but how does that work when you're in a hurry & she blatantly won't do what i've asked her to do? Do i just walk away & leave her alone?? Leave her in a dirty nappy all day til she decides to let me change her, or literally wrestle her to the ground?
Am 7 months pregnant & shattered, so obviously on a shorter fuse, but am really trying to be patient & understand. But am so worried i won't be able to cope on my own (struggling now & have DH & MIL with me), & concerned she's going to push ds off the sofa etc .
Sorry for really long post, but any advice greatfully received....

somewhat off the top of my head...
use pull ups so can change standing up.
pick up with urgentfun distraction when about to push cat etc.
talk about next thing to distract from present eg "lets get your drink in the car "if trying to get out,
don't talk and negotiate a lot cos she will argue more.
at this age,keep it simple and pleasant,don't bargain just explain "we need to do your nappy or it will get sore."
put her name or pic of her on large piece of paper then draw pics of what you want her to do eg sit at table,wash hands then draw stars next to said thing when done,you can also use this as incentive "lets get your nappy star etc"

There isn't a magic bullet. Something will work for a while, like sticker charts. or imaginative perusasion, or distraction, but it doesn't work forever and sometimes your patience just goes or you have to leave NOW and you haven't got time to negotiate. I did do some wrestling on those occasions- geting them strapped into car seats was quite a struggle- bu tit did help establish that they really did have to go in the seat, or that they really did have to clean their teeth, or whatever. I've done a bit of everything that's been mentioned, over time (DS 4.5, DD3) (I never have done smacking though), but once they're past that irrational terrible twos thing it does get easier, you can start to reason and negotiate with them more. Good luck!

The "I don't like it" thing - we have had that non-stop, together with "I don't want to", "I can't" and "I won't".

So we have told DS1 (3.1) that the only thing in the house who is interested in what he doesn't like, doesn't want, can't do and won't do is the bannister at the bottom of the stairs, so he can tell the bannister if he needs to talk about those things. The rest of us would love to hear about the things he does like, does want, can and will do

It's worked partially...

apostrophe - that sounds like a great idea! will definately try it.

that does sound good apostrophe!

I think frida is right too, nothing will work all the time and your approach will need to change over time, and just because you're having to change things doesn't mean nothing's working; it just means she is changing and her needs are too.

Two things as well:

really, really examine your expectations and what you see as not ok. If it's not harmful to her or anyone or actually breaking something, then try to distract; in my book that IS ignoring; you don't make a thing of what she's doing, you just get her onto something she can do.

If she's defiant, reverse psychology may work alot; if you know she will say no, ask the question a different way "I bet you can't do that all on your own, you're too little, aren't you?" or "whatever you do DD, do NOT put on your coat......" It worked for me!

Oh and one other thing do not forget your sense of humour, don't take things too seriously and laugh whenever you can because that will retain YOUR sanity and will have the lovely bonus of developing your DD's sense of humour which is a benefit to all the family.

I am having problems like this with dd2 but they have started since i had ds1 4 weeks. we are trying the praise for good behaviour thing but it does push me to th extreme sometimes.

I had a bit of trouble like this with DS (3.10) and was getting REALLY stressed by it

I share my office with an Ex Health Visitor and was saying

ME: 'arggggghhhh he is driving me nuts'
HV: 'Why? whats he doing?'
ME: 'It took me 45 mins to get his pjs on!'
HV: 'So dont put them on him'
ME: 'But he will get cold'
HV: 'So what? Then you can put them on him then cant you?
ME: 'DOH !!!!!'

So that night, I say 'come on DS, lets put your pjs on' He says 'NO!!!' and I say 'ok then lets do your story' and he looks gobsmacked. 20 mins later 'Mummy, I is cold, can I have my pjs on peese?' Me, 'Yes DS no problem at all' 30 mins after going up stairs, stories are read, pjs are on, major crisis averted and I am enjoying nice cold glass of white wine, instead of still being 15 mins from finishing doing the pj battle, let alone starting the stories and calming the tantrums. Result.

Point is, if it doesnt matter then leave it, if it matters then stand firm

Have you read Toddler Taming by Chris Green? I cant rate it highly enough

Great advice from you all, thankyou. Esp the 'keep your sense of humour', but is so hard sometimes. dreamteamgirl, i've heard of that approach, def sounds like something i could try.

Keep 'em coming, please....