ds pulling, squeezing, batting his sister, won't stop - getting too much for me

[chocbiscuits]

ds (3 1/2) keeps hitting and generally rough-housing his sister (7 weeks). Wont stop, despite much shouting, naughty steps (from me) and smack (from dh). getting to end of tether - he used to be lively but usually nice.
I asked him why and he said it was funny.

help?

oh poor you, but poor him also. Ditch the naughty step and smacks, ignore dd as much as you can and cuddle cuddle cuddle.

do you have a play pen? we put dd in the play pen for most of her first 3 months and I think it has helped 2yoDS accept her without any problems. we never had to tell him to be careful when she was tiny and now she is free he seems very pleased to actually be able to see her up close.

you think its all just ?

probably. he's had his mummy and daddy to himself for 3 years so he's bound to have his nose put out of joint now he has to share you.

You can't really expect him to be able to answer your question of 'why'. He'll never be able to articulate his feelings, and he won't actually think it's funny. Is he getting any positive one-to-one attention from you and dh? My dd has recently started rough 'playing' with ds who is 11months, and it is totally about her attention-seeking, and it noticeably improves if I make more effort to spend time with her. Try not to be angry with him, his whole world has been turned upside-down by your dd's arrival.

I was seriously thinking about posting the same thing.

DS1 is 2.5, DS2 is 5 weeks old - so far DS1 has bitten DS2 at least 3 times, is always poking around in his moses basket/crib etc - usually resulting in DS2 screaming!

I too am so fed up of having to tell DS1 to 'be gentle', 'stop it' etc - besides he just ignores me anyway.

We basically do ignore DS2 as much as we can, apart from when he is being fed, but I feel so guilty about this aswell - poor DS2!!

We always respond to DS1's wishes, as much as possible, in terms of him wanting to sit on our knee, be carried by one of us (it is always the one who is carrying the baby etc) but 5 weeks on, it seems to be making no difference.

if he's usually nice, as you say, then he's still nice, just overwhelmed by the changes.

He's not a big grownup boy, he's still your little baby wondering where all the love is

Cuddle cuddle. DD can wait, she's got the rest of her life, if she's fed and comfortable then concentrate on ds.

Hope it gets better.

I have so much sympathy and went through similar but different things with dd1 when dd2 arrived. Attention seeking in one word. Ignore the little things, praise for anything nice he does and lots of positive attention and playing one to one.
Like others have said the baby is oblivious so long as she is comfortable, just put her somewhere to watch you both play. Big up his achievements as 'big boy' or 'very clever to do x,y,z'. It will get better. DD2 is now 9mths and we are over the worst. Don't make allowances for unacceptable behaviour because of the baby because it will confuse him more. All normal rules still apply and the baby is here to stay.

thanks for comments. Keep trying to cuddle him but he doesn't want to!
Luckily for me and completely different to ds, dd is quite a sleepy one, (but a bit clingy). So its a bit odd that he keeps fiddling with her as it wakes her up so she takes up more attention, but I guess he doesn't understand that yet.
Will definitely try more of the positive emphasising, and think about the playpen (our house v small but we managed to squeeze one in for a bit when ds was crawling and cruising).
Good to hear we're not the only ones.
I do try to spend some one to one time with him but dd really likes to cluster feed in the evening which makes it a bit tricky some days.