13 mnths old - now sleeping appallingly - should I resort to CC or just hope it sorts itself out?

[designerbaby]

Hi all,

My DD used to be a brilliant sleeper - slept through from 3 months - 8/9months with not a peep. However, since then things have been going steadily down hill, and at the moment she is waking hourly (or less) throughout the night, bar a stint of about 3 hours between about 2.30 and 5.30am.

I have gone back to work, and am struggling to cope with the sleep deprivation and seem to keep getting ill - largely because I am run down, I think...

What's making it worse is that I have this nagging feeling that it's all my own fault because I have somehow 'done' sleep wrongly with her from the get-go.

Now I'm at breaking point and am considering controlled crying or CIO or something because I simply cannot go on the way I am, even though it goes completely against my parenting style and the thought of it makes me feel physically ill.

I know, in my head there are probably many reasons why she may not be sleeping - for brevity I'll just bullet what i think are possibly some of the pertinent points:

1. She has always been cuddled to sleep - even though I had the best of intentions about 'putting down awake' having read the necessary books, this simply didn't work for her even as a tiny newborn, so we cuddled, she liked it, I liked it, it worked, so we still do it. And I still like it...

1. She's been teething off and on since about 8 months and seems to have a hard time of it - lots of runny noses, face rubbing, ear pulling, off food etc. I think she's probably teething badly at the moment, but I can't see any teeth near the surface so...

1. She's just started to walk

1. She still has a dummy for sleep times, but doesn't seem bothered when it falls out. However she does seem to need it to fall back to sleep again if she wakes, but this didn't seem to be a problem twixt 3 and 9 months, so...??

1. When she wakes in the night I give it a few minutes (probably actually only a minute, in reality) to see if she'll settle herself ? which she sometimes does, but more often nowadays, doesn't... then I go in, she's usually standing up. Attempts to lie her back down without a cuddle result in fairly rapid hysteria.

1. Tried Calpol/Calprofen for teething pain - helps for a couple of hours (tops) but that's it. Medised knocks her out for 4/5 hours but makes her impossible to settle when she does wake after this

1. She sleeps in a grobag plus a blanket as her room is quite cold.

1. She has a pretty good routine of regular nap time ? usually 12.45ish to 2.15ish although I often have to resettle her after 45 minutes or so ? and regular meal times and bedtime is about 7.30 when she usually goes down fairly easily. She wakes at about 6 am and then sleeps another hour in our bed.

10. I went back to work at 9 months - she's been looked after by my mum, seems happy, but is a little clingy with me when I come home.

11. After a difficult weaning period between 4 and 8 months she now eats well, but doesn't want much milk - 5 or so ounces morning and night with lots fo cheese/yoghurt etc in between. She's not interested in milk if she wakes - tried that.

So, after that lengthy ramble, do you think this is something which will sort itself in time (if I felt that, maybe I could get through it easier...) or do you, in all your various wisdom and experience think I need to take action?

I've read NCSS, and while I like the approach and tried it for a week, I got nowhere and now I just feel too damn tired to slog it out in this way. I want a quick fix, but am aware there probably isn't one other than CIO/CC.

Apart from this, I should mention she's a happy, smiley, energetic, engaging, charming little sweetheart - and I would hate to jeopardise that... it's just...

I neeeeeeed some sleeeeeeep [sob]

db
xx

Goodness - sorry for mammoth post. MUCH too much info I expect...

db
xx

the just starting to walk may be it. My dd2 is being excrutiating and I think it's because she suddenly has come on leaps and bounds with talking. There's nothing wrong when I go in, just wants to say hello! But like you, I can't really do that and keep working so what we do is take turns and one uses earplugs and the other's on duty. Like you I hate CC and just feel miserable at the thought of her sad little face while Mummy ignores her. But, like you say, unless someone stays up to look after her, perhaps nothing else will work. I'm hoping it is just a phase. DD1 is an absolute star sleeper (she likes to sleep in! ) so I'm hoping...

Thanks Poppycake -

You know how it is when you get to breaking point though - just can't see the wood for the trees... plus I'm SO tired it's almost like I don't have the energy to even THINK about trying to solve it - which is a horrible viscious circle.

I just have a bad feeling as things have been slowly getting worse over a period of a few months, that it's just bad habits I have helped her form and that now I'll have to try something appalling like CC in order to fix.

The thought of that just makes me feel upset - I feel like I would be betraying her, somehow? Or punishing her for something that's my fault to begin with...

Ooooh. Maybe I'm just tired an emotional...

And perhaps tonight will be better!!!!?????????

oh, and 'sleeps in'... the very IDEA... [swoon]

'Or punishing her for something that's my fault to begin with...' - please don't blame yourself. All babies are different and go through good and bad phases.

Some babies can get get into a bad habit of waking in the night - when their not hungry or tired but want some comfort. It must be exhausting for you - so it might help to encourage longer sleeping.

If I where you I'd try a gentle approach (CC always sounds a bit hard core). Maybe leave her a little longer before going in, try to settle her quickly with little fuss. Maybe try only a quick cuddle to sleep at bedtime perhaps she'll learn that in the night she needs to settle herself.

Don't feel guilty tho. 13 months old are clingy whether you're working or not. It's important for mum to look after herself too.

They do say when they learn something new, it can play havoc with their sleeping as they want to 'practice' at night. When DS first learnt to sit himself up from lying down, I had to keep going in as he'd wake, sit up and then couldn't get back down again.

Everyone has their own ideas about CC but I did it with DD when she was about 13 mths and it worked very quickly. I felt terrible though (it was the summer and I had to go outside where I couldn't hear her and let DH keep an ear out). After the first night, I expected her to somehow hate me the next morning but she was fine and it didn't affect her cheerful nature or our relationship.

I found the Toddler Taming book v good on CC - going in at regular intervals, just leaving it longer each time so that you're not just completely abandoning them. I think if you're going to do it though, you need to have the conviction to see it through for a few nights, I think that's the key so maybe don't start unless you're sure.

Good luck and hope you get some sleep soon ...