Help - 11month old will only sleep cuddled into me!!!

[fnm]

Sorry its long -
I know its mainly because we co-slept but now we are suffering.
bedtime routine is bath, bottle and bed. i stand next to his cot (in his own room) sometimes i have to hold his hand and he is fast asleep within 5 mins. The prob is when he wakes, usually about 10pm he screams, cries which can go on for about an hour until i pick him up an lay on my bed with him cuddled up then he goes to sleep, he then wakes again until i get in bed with him!! My husband cant settle him, only me and im so tired!!
This is our routine every night, we have tried cc but was so scared, kept pooing and his little heart was beating so fast. I mantioned it to hv she said cc 'instils fear into them' and to try gradully moving away from his cot, but its just not working. am i doing something wrong?
please advise, all opinions greatly appreciated, we also have a 21 month old daughter who slepps fine but its taking its toll on us all now, thanks for reading.

Hi
First of all. I am sure you are a great mum. Lots of us have gone through smething like that, but many don't tell you about it.
My example. My 4 yr old son sleeps beautifully now but I still remember what a failure I lelt like when at 12 months still felt asleep on the breast and then he had to be transfer from my chest to his cot, praying that he did not wake up. I let him cry when he was 13 months and too heavt for me to do the whole thing. It was the right time to do it and it took 2 days. I have now a 3 months baby who co-sleeps with me and wakes up when I try to move her into cot.
she feeds everytime she wakes up and during the day only sleeps in the sling when I am lucky
You are not alone. Just remember it is only a phase and it will pass.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS

Are you completely opposed to co-sleeping for a wee bit longer? I think you may find that it is much easier to transfer him into a cot and to get him to happily settle there in a couple of months time.

11 months old is a difficult time to tackle sleep. He is very busy with big motor skills and developmental milestones.

Can you be all ready for bed by 930 so that when he wakes around 10pm, you just cuddle up together and both go to sleep?

If hubby comes to bed at the same time and lies on the other side of him (he's too big to get squashed at 11 months, unless either of you has been drinking/smoking/doing drugs or the other things the co-sleeping guidelines tell one not to do), then he'll have one of you on each side and might well get equally used to your Dh as night time comfort source.

I'd see this as several separate problems

1. you are really tired

1. your child doesn't like sleeping all night alone

and solve 1. first, because that's easy, and then see if 2. still seems like such a big deal. If so, you'll be in a better frame of mind to start finding kindly ways of helping him feel secure sleeping alone.

Oh, and by "easy", I mean be ready to take child into bed when he needs it rather than fighting him, and going to bed as easrly as you need to - either at the transition moment for your baby, or even just after both children have gone to sleep so that you've had a few hours before the cot-to-bed moment.

thanks for your replies, yes i agree 11 months is a difficult stage, he is into everything so when he wakes he is now sat up in his cot but the past few nights have been getting better.
Still goes to bed fine but will go back to sleep at the 10ish mark once we go in sooth him, give dummy ect... but he still wakes at 1 ish and as we r so tired and dont want to sit by his bed for ages with him crying bring him with us, its not that much of a problem we have a huge bed (and it is still nice) but would love him to sleep all night in his cot, im sure he would sleep better.
Maybe im asking too much at this stage and maybe it will come with time, just looking for hints/tips on how to help him settle himself without me, but then again he is a boy and in my experience, much more clingy/dependent on mummy than girls.

Don't fight it, settle him in his cot for naps and te first sleep of the night and then move him into the bed when he wakes and doesn't settle.

Having him between you sounds good as your DH can do the soothing motions but you are also there as back up.

I would wait on pushing him to sleep alone for a few more months and fingers crossed he may sleep for longer and longer before his first waking.

Thanks think thats what we are going to do, its easier on us all and yes, fingers and toes crossed he will start sleeping longer and longer (maybe one day until morning).

ds went through a major separation anxiety at that age. We quickly figured that the best way to help it pass was to be reassuring and not to fight it, or as MIL helpfully put it "to give in ". It passed, ds was always a cuddly baby and we co slept, but just after his 1st birthday he suddenly got an independent streak and never looked back. He still likes his cuddles and if he wakes in the night he comes through and gets in with us, but there's none of the desperate anxiety that he had when he was tiny. He also does revert to needing to be cuddled to sleep once every 2 months or so or when he's ill, but I don't mind that - I'm taking my cuddles when I can get them as he won't want them forever!!!

So, although you're really tired, hold onto the thought that it WILL pass and possibly nurturing him through it will help that to happen more quickly. Hang in there, you¡re doing really well

oh, meant to say, Elisabeth Pantley's book "No Cry Sleep Solution" was a great read for us - tells you how to help them get used to settling without you but with none of the stress and upset of cc. It's very gentle and worked well for our clingy cuddly boy

I had this with my DD, she has always been a terrible sleeper. I tried all the techniques out there I could find, I was on a mission to "fix her" which sounds awful now, but in hindsight I just felt there had to be something that I could do as we were all so tired. The moment it stopped being so bad was the moment I stopped fighting it and stopped trying to change her, but rather adapt myself to the little girl that I had been given. I think co-sleeping is the best thing you could have done and there is no reason why you have to stop now. It will pass, but it is bloody hard work and you are doing a fantastic job. You don't have to sleep to be next to him, that little bit of me time is just as important as actual sleep. I read cuddled up to my DD or took laptop up. If I am really tired I might go to sleep too. It is not spoiling them as some people might say, my house has been alot happier since I stopped listening to everyone else and just went with the flow. It will get better, gradually. Even my HV (who was fantastic and was giving me just this advice all along) had a daughter who didn't sleep through alone until she was 5. They just all have different temperaments.