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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I'm thinking of comming off my fertillity treatment, as I don't think I could risk another pregnancy.

21 replies

mummyloveslucy · 21/12/2008 18:46

I have decided I don't think I could risk another pregnancy.
I had severe Hyperemesis when I had my daughter and I was being sick every 20-30 mins through the day and night for 5 months. I had to go to hospital for 5 days.
I had to take Clomid to concieve my daughter and I'm taking it again now, it didn't work last month so I'm now on a double dose. If it dosn't work this time either, I'd have to try something else probubly IVF. I wouldn't want that so I'd give up anyway.
I was at a friends the other night for christmas drinks, I'd had rather too much to dring and was sick that night and the following morning. It reminded me how I felt when I was pregnant, and I realised that there would be no way I could look after my daughter while feeling like that. I couldn't really look after myself last time.
I don't think I could risk it now I have my daughter. There's a chance it wouldn't happen this time, but if it did I'd have to have it terminated. I'd then spend he rest of my life regretting it, but I just couldn't cope with it again. There is also a high chance of reaccurance. I don't know what to do now, should I risk it or not?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Podrick · 21/12/2008 18:47

How old are you? Can you wait a while?

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 21/12/2008 18:51

I'm 28. My Husband is 33 and he has a low sperm count, so it would make it harder anyway.
He's also said he dosn't want a huge age gap. Our daughter is nearly 4 now.

OP posts:

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 21/12/2008 18:56

Had HG with the last two preg (admitted 7 times between them) however am preg with no 3 have still had MS but it does seem to be easing a little.

It is a very personal decision I' not enjoying this but I know for these months of hell I will have a dc for rest of my life, I am lucky tho' a dh has shoulder most ( ifnot all) of the domestic stuff before he leaves for work and as son as he returns in the evening

Good luck and whatev er decision you make it will be the rigt one for you!!

notevenamousie · 21/12/2008 19:02

I would suggest you head to the hyperemesis foundation's website as well www.forums.helpher.org
My daughter will be an only because of severe hyperemesis too. It was worth risking everything to have a child. I am not going to take a risk with my child's mother to give her a sibling (or myself another baby). I am sad at times, but mostly peaceful with that decision. I guess it's the same for any severe pregnancy complication, but hyperemesis has the added bonus of making you feel miserable even if it's not all that severe.
I hope you reach peace with your decision for your family.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 21/12/2008 19:03

Thanks, I think I'll wait to see if this treatment of Clomid has worked first. (I'll find out on Christmas eve) If it hasn't then that will be the decission made.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 21/12/2008 19:08

Thanks for the link, I'll have a good look at that later.
Is HG a big risk to the mother? If it is then there's no way I'd risk it.

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notevenamousie · 21/12/2008 19:15

It depends how bad it is. There's two issues, I guess, the risk to the mother (you/me) and the risk to our relationships with our existing children and everything else. Even if you aren't so unwell it damages you physically, I think the second issue is pretty big too. Along with the fact that I just don't think I could cope with nausea and vomiting, 24/7 for all those months, again.

Is your DH supportive of taking over your childcaring and home roles if you are sick? Do you work - will you get paid sick leave? Preparation might make many of the issues seem manageable - a vomiting bug has me convinced I could never ever do it again, much like your hangover obviously did!

neolara · 21/12/2008 19:21

One of my friends has hyperemesis with her pregnancies. She is now pregnant for the third time but is much less sick because she was able to access the "system" earlier and has been given drugs straight away. She was in hospital a lot with her first two pregancies, but so far has been OK at home with extra childcare support.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 21/12/2008 19:22

I'd have to give up work, as I work 2 nights at a home for people with learning disabilities, they wouldn't pay me sick pay for very long. That would meen my daughter having to come out of nursery as I couldn't afford it. My Husband works full time, although he'd do his best, he couldn't do as much as I'd need.
It would really affect the relationship with my daughter too.

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Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 21/12/2008 19:32

My daughter has speech problems too and needs a lot of attention. She wouldn't be able to express her feelings about me being ill or a new baby.

OP posts:

MilaMae · 21/12/2008 19:42

I had it with my twins(IVF) I can't remember a lot of it I was so out of it. I had dd when the boys were 15 months and although I was ill it wasn't as bad as it was with the boys. We all got through it, everybody just had to help out more.I don't think it affected the boys.

How did the treatment in hospital go? Would it be worth lining up some help for dd and get on medication straight away (if it works). It wouldn't be ideal but your dd would understand. My mother was sent away when my grandmother had it(not suggesting you do that ) and she bore her no ill feeling, they were very close.

It's a nightmare I know but what got me through it the 2nd time was knowing I got through the first time. I kind of felt stronger knowing that. Hope this helps a bit.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 21/12/2008 19:50

Thank you, There is only my husband and myself to look after our daughter.

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bookheadcase · 21/12/2008 21:26

I too had hyperemesis and can only say it is a really hard decision to go through it all again .

It does help is you have a treatment plan in place and realise it is very likely to reoccur.

I had decisions with the applicable medical practitioners regarding the medication I would have second time around in place before getting pregnant.
Had a sympathetic consultant and GP already clued up and started medication early and had stronger medication as required.I had an agreement with the consultant that if he thought fit I may be in hospital for a few months rather than going in for fluids now and again if things got very bad.However I did manage to keep out of hospital and didn't lose all the weight I did in my previous pregnancy by keeping medicated.

It was still awful - hyperemesis is an illness and when you are in the middle of it you can't believe you have have gone through it again.Food poisoning very day? Who would want to do it again

I was lucky as my GP wrote to my employer immediately I got pregnant and I was signed off then worked only a few hours a day as I felt able but still got paid as normal.My husband also drove me everywhere and did everything at home as his boss was very understanding.I do think without this support I would have really struggled.

I did lose those months totally and my daughter didn't really have any of my time but her dad did as much as he could with her.It is only months although at the time it felt forever.

I have a beautiful ds to remind me that I did get through it but I respect anyone who makes the decision not to as this is also very hard.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 21/12/2008 22:33

Thanks, it is a hard decission. I might have a word with the doctor before hand to see what could be done this time around.
I feel extreemly lucky to have my little girl and when we were TTC her all we ever wanted was to be parents, it's not the same this time around.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 22/12/2008 19:11

My daughter has a little friend 3 doors down who's the same age. They pay together a lot, and go to the same school.
I know it's not the same as having a sibling, but it might have to do.

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Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 22/12/2008 21:48

Does anyone know how likely it is to reoccur ?

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bookheadcase · 22/12/2008 22:16

I would agree with notevenamousie look at hyperemesis forums.

I think if you did have severe hyperemesis first time there is over 50% chance you will get it again.

So unless you think you and your family could cope and you are mentally prepared for it to happen again I would be worried .It is sad that many women do terminate because they cannot cope with the hyperemesis no matter how longed for is their baby.

However, if you expect it and prepare it is a bonus if you only experience a more normal degree of sickness although I can't imagine you would not experience any symptoms at all.If you have medication early often this helps enough to keep you out of the worst.

I myself cannot imagine being pregnant and not being sick so I accept this is the way my body is and I'm happy with my two children and no more pregnancies .

Piffle · 22/12/2008 22:18

I had severe hyperemesis with dd
But with Ds1 and 2
None
I too was terrified

ConnorTraceptive · 22/12/2008 22:30

I had hyperemesis with both and could never do it again. I think if you decide to go ahead with a pregnancy then you need a plan of support in place I found it so hard coping with a toddler at the same time. By ten weeks I booked a termination but collapsed on the way there and ended up in general hospital (having just been discharged) where on hearing of my decision to terminate the consultant finally agreed to give me the medication ondansetron which stopped the sickness in it's tracks, it was like a miracle. It's very expensive and had I been at the point of considering a termination I don't think they would have given it to me.

I so glad that I got to have ds2 and it cuts me up that I went as far as booking a termination (something I never thought I would ever consider) but I know that I could never ever go through it again.

Sorry that isn't very positive is it. I guess you have to be honest with yourself about whether or not YOU could go through. There are plenty of people on MN who are stronger than me who have gone through 2, 3 or 4 times and have coped. I just know I couldn't

ConnorTraceptive · 22/12/2008 22:31

Had I NOT been at the point of considering a termination....

notevenamousie · 24/12/2008 13:49

mummyloveslucy - definitely see your GP, or ask for a preconceptual review with an obstetrician.

I actually moderate the UK section of the hyperemesis site (though keep posting here too, very much not trying to take anything away from mumsnet) so feel free to CAT me if you'd like.

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