DS can be - and often is - delightful. He is funny, intelligent, wonderfully gentle with babies and great with his peers most of the time, and I know he adores me. And I know, being four and quite a big, boisterous boy, that there's likely this "testosterone surge" going on for him at the moment, which would explain a lot!
However, sometimes, when DS is feeling angry because I've said a reasonable, non-negotiable "no", he can be quite horrible. It's all in a burst, and the rest of the time he's pretty lovely, but God, how do I handle this:
- DS shouting in my face to "shut up"
- DS calling me a "stupid woman"
- DS today intentionally smashing one of his grandmother's glass Christmas tree decorations when feeling cross
- DS kicking me
- DS spitting in my face
- DS slamming doors/throwing things when cross
Today - which hasn't been a great day, TBH (I'm unusually tired, we have some significant financial worries, and I'm possibly having a drama!) - I actually felt a bit bullied by my four-year-old. And this of course set alarm bells ringing.
I have tried quite a few things: time out, me walking out of the room, restraining, ignoring, offering lots of alternative things to bash/do when cross, and today, I've gone to town on consequences - but none works consistently. Time in works best of all, of course, but isn't possible for hours a day. So I can see that I'm pretty inconsistent and reactive in how I handle DS's outbursts - and they make my blood boil, so I'm not exactly calm in dealing with them.
I realise that DS's behaviour is partly typical of feisty four-year-old boys - at least IME. But I just don't like the intensity and aggression, and would like to enforce a zero tolerance policy kurb it a fair bit, and minimise any bully potential. Does boundary-enforcing have to be so vigorously challenged?!
Mostly, disciplining DS is down to me (his dad - from whom I am separated - is depressed, so can't do the firm male thing at the moment), so I need practical tips for a somewhat worn-out single mum. TIA.