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Original poster

what do you think

26 replies

yawningmonster · 19/12/2008 04:15

ok so holidays are going to be hard going for ds. He does not like a change in routine and I struggle with 13 hours constant entertainment so.
6.30 Breakfast and morning routine (dressed, clean up, teeth, feed dog)
Go through day with ds.
7.30 Ds preferred activity such as playdough
8.30 Pack for days outings. Ds preferred activity such as building
9.30 Outing (library, museum, bus trip, aquarium, river, morning tea at dad's work, maize maze, mini golf, walk, park, playdate)
10.00 Morning Tea
11.00 If back from outing...ds preferred activity such as baking
12.00 Lunch and lunch clean up
1.00 Quite activity such as reading, drawing
1.30 Play outside with ds (pool, swings, sandpit, golf, kite flying)or if wet inside dancing, hide and seek, board game
2.30 Afternoon tea
3.00 Tv. I prep dinner
4.00 ds preferred activity treasure hunt, building huts
5.00 Dinner and clean up
6.00 Bath
7.00 Teeth and Pjs
7.30 bed
So any other ideas of activities and ideas I can do. He doesn't really play with toys but will build with blocks. He is unable to entertain himself (please don't get on my case about this but I want to make his holidays as pleasant for both of us as I can which means loads of variety and following a plan is always much more successful. I have asked him things he would like to do but he gets a bit stressed about it all and says "just tell me what I will be doing" Some days I have arranged more than one outing (second being from 1-3 or an outing that is likely to take us until 3pm) Almost all of the next 3 weeks will be just ds and me and about 1 playdate a week. Also anyone who has been following my threads about behaviour I do have some worries about managing out and about. For example ds is very keen on a bus trip but if he loses the plot then I will have a hard time keeping him safe on a bus and an even harder time getting him on it to come home if he decides that isn't on the agenda. I don't really want to not do it just because he might not cope though. So any suggested strategies would be wonderful.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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twentypence · 19/12/2008 06:05

I am in awe of your organisation. Will he do the same thing more than once? Ds would go to Science Alive every day if he could.

Original poster
yawningmonster · 19/12/2008 06:19

Same here if given the choice but would run out of money very quickly that way. I have tried for a balance of paid and free activities to be honest so maybe twice a week going to paid activities (still fairly cheap as he is still free at most of them) and the rest of the week free like library, playdate, park etc.

OP posts:
seeker · 19/12/2008 06:31

I say this very hesitantly and please don't take it the wrong way, but do you think you need to seek some help with managing your ds's behaviour? He does sound very challenging, and I honestly don't think you can carry on with days like the one you outline without exhausting yourself. He really needs to learn how to compromise (a bit - he's only little and can't do it a lot) so that you aren't following his lead all the time (some of the time yes, but not all the time!) I'm sorry if this is unhelpful, but I do worry about you.

twentypence · 19/12/2008 06:46

If he will do the same thing each day - then what about choosing one that you quite like, he is bearable at and is cheap/free and then working it into every day. In this way he is getting his routine and no changes at least once a day.

Original poster
yawningmonster · 19/12/2008 07:02

seeker, thank you, we have an assessment in January. We are at the moment having a whole heap of trouble with his behaviour and the normal strategies that usually work with other children just aren't with him. We have decided to take some time to completely back off on him and completely change our expectations except for a few. If that means that I have to do days like outlined then I will do it as it is alot less exhausting having a busy, but mostly calm day than the non stop lashing out. TP thanks, I will make sure we have a story time every day as that is quite low key for me and calming for him. He is alright as long as there is a structure so doesn't necessarily need exactly the same activity but needs to know ok 9.30 outing time and today it will be XXXX. I use pictorial calendars for him so at the moment have done one up until and including xmas day with (my poor attempts at drawing) pictures of main outing for day. If he knows and is reassured that on "treasure hunt" day that I will be able to tell him clearly..after the treasure hunt we will. And then we will. And then we will. He will check throughout the day what is happening next to ensure things haven't changed. Things get a bit sticky if someone calls with an invite unexpectedly but usually he can cope as long as he knows what the new plan is and what is going to happen afterwards.

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Original poster
yawningmonster · 19/12/2008 08:30

any more ideas please?

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mytetherisending · 19/12/2008 08:47

Painting
Making tents
sticking and cutting
soft play
local farm?
swimming
jigsaws
games such as fanta colour junior are good to develop concentration.
Threading buttons (large with shoelaces). This again takes time and will develop patience.
walk to the park/drive and walk round park
collecting things outdoors to make pics with.
Bark rubbing with wax crayons
print pics to colour off internet.
Glad you have an assessment although I suspect being the only child he has just become used to undivided attention. From as early as possible its important to encourage children early on to entertain themselves for a short while. Example being that even my 8mth old dd can do this for 10mins without needing me to play with and dd1 2.11yo can manage 30mins with play doh/drawing;.

Original poster
yawningmonster · 19/12/2008 08:49

thanks mythetherisending those are great ideas though never heard of fanta colour junior.

OP posts:
swanriver · 19/12/2008 09:40

I am a great list maker but often find I am too optimistic. Could you cut out some of the extras, ie: baking on return from the outing. Couldn't outing just take up whole morning and be back for a sandwich lunch? And afternoon quiet time could be until 2.30 and include some more quiet activities such as blocks and train set, listening to action rhyme music etc. Then you might have a bit of a sit down too at same time, and not have to be so pro-active,even if participating in play. Then snack. Then do another outing to the park or bounce around outside. Back for telly at 4.30 followed by tea a little later than you have described ie: 5.30.
Once a week you could do more elaborate fun things like housebuilding or treasure hunts, but I would be exhausted if I did it every day.
Sounds like your ds has a good imagination and enjoys lots of creative things and adventures.
Warning. I did find that sometimes when I was worn out messy play with recalcitrant four year old(s) was more trouble than it was worth, unless I was in a very relaxed, we have the whole day to clear this up sort of mood. Often they would take things to extremes like covering each other with glue, or eating all the butter before it was put in cake mixture, so only do what you think you can bear, not what you imagine a 'Good' mother would do.

mytetherisending · 19/12/2008 10:56

I would also get another child over to play as this takes the pressure off. DD1 is far more demanding on her own than if friends come and play.

mytetherisending · 19/12/2008 10:58

Oh and cornflour and water in a big tub is good on the kitchen floor, pasta and rice with jugs, bowls and spoons entertain as well!

Original poster
yawningmonster · 19/12/2008 23:00

ah well so far not so good. Usually having very clear plan works relatively well but things have gone down hill since 3 am this morning when ds screamed the house down and when I went to see what the problem was had a flailing, kicking, screaming hernia that I had woken him up. He has now at 5 to 12 (lunchtime) taken himself off to the bedroom as "I don't ever want to see you again" (he said this not me and no we don't model these sort of statements)and after having 9 hours where I have not shouted or lost my cool and have calmly stuck to the big rules and calmly let the other stuff go and had 5 episodes of kicking, biting, throwing things at me, shouting and so forth and he doesn't want to see ME?. Have left him to it for now and to be honest not really looking forward to him coming out.

OP posts:
twentypence · 20/12/2008 04:26

Crikey what a morning. Let's hope he falls asleep inside his room and you get a break.

Original poster
yawningmonster · 20/12/2008 07:45

sadly no 20p was hoping things might pan out that way too but no I think today may just have to be written off as one of the worst yet so it stands to reason it can only get better. At least the weather is supposed to be a little better tomorrow. Also daddy is home tomorrow which is a bit of a novelty so will try to do something all together which usually goes down well...I can but hope (he has only just fallen asleep would you believe so he has been awake since 3am...16 and a half hours.

OP posts:
cranberryjuice · 20/12/2008 09:43

walk on beach/woods collecting bits to make picture
easy jigsaws on his own
magic painting[water on magic picture]
video with proper story
coloring,join dots if can,
water play outside.
Can you set him up with a thing he likes on kitchen floor with you there but not there IYSWIM
song tape,story tape,near you
When ds2 was 4 used to let him wander around in earshot if he was playing on stairs which he liked I would leave him to it so to develop own play.
He loved videos and I know its prob not v pc I let him watch them so I could cook for older ones,He learned lots of vocab and talked really early so didn't do him any harm as long as they were proper english and made sense.

cranberryjuice · 20/12/2008 10:11

btw he directs it at you becos you're all he's got,don't analyse it just let it go he's only 4.

TotalChaos · 20/12/2008 10:22

what about doing a visual timetable for each day? also give lots of advance warning about transitions? you could also show pictures from websites for anywhere new you are going to, to prepare him in advance. When DS is really awful when out and about I just resort to fireman's lift over my shoulder!

twentypence · 20/12/2008 21:33

Blow doing something all together - what about you have some relaxing time and let dad deal with him for a bit. You are pregnant, you need a break. He sounds exhausting.

twentypence · 21/12/2008 17:56

How was your day, did you get some sunshine at your place?

lingle · 21/12/2008 20:02

hope you had a better day. If his sleep is affected, that is always going to affect everthing else I guess.......

oh my god I've got it!!!!!!!!!! he sounds like a clever little man - could he have his own camera? You can get kiddy ones nowadays can't you...... and then he could start to help himself with his own behaviour by taking photos of familiar or new places so he could add them into his own book/wall display and start to feel more comfortable about them? I'm just thinking that if he could choose where and when to take those visual records and how to record them it could be empowering for him. Could cover his bedroom walls in them so far as you care I expect.....ooh ooh ooh and you can buy photo albums where the child records their own message against the picture! will post link if sounds interesting (got the idea from moondog)

(now I'm imaginging the chaos the first time you have to explain an accidental deletion. ah well, only you will know if it's a good idea for this particular child or not ).

DesperateHousewifeToo · 21/12/2008 21:35

re: the bus trip.

Could you walk somewhere and then get the bus home?

So you are not too far away if you need to get off.

You could role play the outing the day before at home.

If you cook with him, would he shop for the ingredients with you the day before?

Or pretend to shop for them at home with shopping till and actual items.

Pretend play could just be too abstract, of course.

Photos are a good idea. He could keep a record of what he has done and tell your dh at the end of the day. You could use the photos to set up his daily timetable when repeating activities.

Yurtgirl · 21/12/2008 21:41

Wow that is a seriously structured day!

If he is already doing playdough by 7:30 that is a seriously long and hectic day for both of you

How old is he?

In the hols my 4 and 7 year olds are lucky if I make breakfast before 8 tbh - they also dictate pretty much what and when we do stuff

Obviously I chuck ideas in the idea but never any structure - its the holidays, time to chill

cranberryjuice · 21/12/2008 22:17

I'm afraid its jamas till mid morning at my place[and thats just me the youngest one can stay in them till lunchtime if he's warm enough].
How is it physically possible to have an outing and bake in the same morning?
I know I've slowed down a bit now I'm getting on but I couldn't manage half that without getting a bit [?] stretched and isn't it a faff having to make him comply with lots of hand washing ,in and out of house etc etc leading to more tantrums.
Have you tried staying home a few days and seeing if he settles down afterthe initial change in routine?
I just don't understand why you would do so many different activities in one day with a child who doesn't like lots of changes.It seems to me you could be a bit anxious about just staying home with him,but maybe it would be ok.I do realise it helps if you have a garden,have somewhere to walk nearby ,etc.

Yurtgirl · 21/12/2008 22:20

I chuck ideas in the idea.......... well that made sense

I meant I chuch ideas into the mix but allow free play most of the time

Watching my kids play schools, doctors and big cat diary is therapy for my soul!

One structured activity/craft each day is enough for me and them

swanriver · 21/12/2008 22:42

I've been thinking again about my more difficult child when she was four. She would constantly dissatisfied with whatever we were doing and got into rages very quickly over small things, mealtimes, wrong cup, couldn't do the craft activity, wanted me to do it for her. It was as though she didn't have an off switch until she conked out at night (luckily a good sleeper) On trips she would take fancies for things and throw a wobbly when denied despite numerous treats. She would refuse to walk, refuse to sit in car etc etc.
Now looking back I could have done the following to help our situation. Involve her in a few responsibilities despite initial rebuffs, ie: ask for her help in making bed, cooking dinner, setting table, doing a bit of shopping so that she got my attention even when I wasn't 'Entertaining' her. Play with her wholeheartedly for a bit of the day, but the rest of the time make it clear that there were some things it was fun to do without Mummy, ie: the blocks, digging in sandpit, moving car up and down floor, singing along to tape. Let these activities be ones that are much better without Mummy's interference and after a 5-20 mins compliment him on how beautiful tower (don't be upset when he then smashes it to get a reaction)is or did the car go on a long journey and to where? So very slowly bit bit by bit a little every day you reinforce his independent play and wean him off dependence on your continuous interaction?
Anyway I hope your weekend's been bearable, or even fun, yawning monster.