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Advice needed from those in the know re fussy eaters please

46 replies

MilaMae · 18/12/2008 13:29

Ie those with the misfortune of having one in their family or somebody medical.

I need some advice on why ds is like this and what to do next.

Ds is one of 2 non identical twins 5 I also have a 4 year old daughter. The other 2 are fantastic eaters,dp and I are real foodies I lived abroad when tiny and was weaned on food from street markets I love any food and enjoy experimenting.

Ds was a nightmare from day 1. He was weaned from the same bowl of homemade food as twin 1. I followed AK so he was bombarded with new flavours. We've never given in and given him alternatives,he's always gone hungry, we've never got stroppy just ignored it and made him just taste it. As far as I can see we've done it by the book. Why then is he the most fussy eater known to man?

He loves fruit,w/m bread,peanut butter,yog,fish fingers,sausages(which he now skins),cereal,milk. I'm getting concerned as he was doing really well but is now rapidly adding things he's always liked to his leaving on the side of the plate list. I'm also concerned he never eats veg and is going to bed hungry night after night having eaten no tea. He will only eat tea if it's sausages or fishfingers which it rarely is. He gets really hungry but refuses to eat things he says he doesn't like. He's at school now so this isn't good.

How do I handle this do I get stroppy or order him to eat it, I exploded over a lamb stew for the 1st time and he ate it. I just want to know the right way of handling things so he eats more than a bowl of cereal,peanut butter sandwiches and an apple daily.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Washersaurus · 21/01/2010 21:26

Ahh I recall my despair at DS2's weetabix only phase seeing this thread again!

He is now 2.5yo and eats weetabix/bran flakes, anything bread based, fruit, pasta (sometimes), sausages, yoghurt, milk.

Our rule is that if you don't want to eat it then that is fine, but you must stay at the table. Plates are removed without comment. Fruit or yoghurt offered afterwards as he is usually starving.

Jilly - If you are really worried about weight then just let her eat as much of the foods as she enjoys and just encourage her to try new foods. Eventually I'm sure she will eat something new and give multi-vits if you feel the need.

You are not alone!

tryingtobemarrypoppins · 21/01/2010 21:26

One dietition we saw recommend Minadex for a week as low iron in children can often cause fussy eating. It seemed to make a bit of a difference. May be worth a try.

scshaw · 02/03/2010 12:07

I have a dd who is coming to four and her eating is terrible. The list of foods that she will eat is getting shorter and shorter(eg used to eat bananas and pears, now won't)At teatime she now refuses to come to the table unless she knows it something she likes(I don't like that before she's even seen it is a favourite phrase). If I make her seat at the table she constantly wriggles, winges and whines or even has a tantrum which makes the meal unpleasant for the rest of us.
She now looks very pale so I suspecy she may be anaemic( I have got a doctors appointment for later in the week) and have been keeping an eye on her weight which if my scales are right has dropped over the last couple of months.
I am now getting to end of my tether and just dont know what to do to get her to eat more

pinkchick1 · 12/04/2010 12:51

Truthfully, my child eats anything, you want the magic behind this, its easy, I have been a nanny myself though so I will say.

Baby led weaning, the best thing in the world, but my friend did not do this and hers eats anything, my friend is also a nanny. I decided to do a study, both children so different its not true, one at 1 very into books, puzzles not walking and quiet, the other at 1 walking actually running, hates sitting still hates books very phisical. Both would rather eat veg than anything else.

The mistakes that create problems ith children eating, I will say the mistakes as to what gets them eating as its easier.

1, Never give a child sweet things to give it something to eat if it has not eaten, if it has not eaten its not hungry. NO MEAL, NO YOGURT EVEN AT 6 MONTHS, NEVER WEAN ON YOGURT OR SWEET THINGS UNLESS SWEET POTATO OR PARSNIP.

2, Paying attention and encouraging your child, by doing this the child realises you want them to eat, so they will do the opposite.

3, Never not let your child eat off your plate, so always eat the same thing.

4, Never give any jars or ready meals EVER, if you are out, give bread and butter, raw peppers, tomatoes, cheese in a cool bag, jacket spud with cheese, after all you want them to like proper food, would you carry a tin of cold baked beans or pasta with you for lunch.

5, Only ever give water to drink, if they refuse they are not thirsty are they, eventually they will drink if thirsty.

Basically put a bowl of fresh home cooked food in front of them, you have a plate as well, talk to them but the topic must not relate to the food, or to them eating, totally ignore them eating, you yourself, ask the child if you can have a piece of there lovely food, eat it say thank you that was lovely, again ignore the child eating. Never spoon feed your child if they refuse, always put food on the spoon for them to do it or let them use there hands.

What you want is, your child at the table, liking the taste and texture of food, not the child getting stress from a parents own feelings of worry about if they are eating enough. Forcing food in there mouth in any way or form straight away will cause an eating prob. Nearly everytime the reason children will not eat is down to them being stressed by the grown up and not wanting food anywhere near them. After all if someone was forcing you as an adult to eat you would get cross.

Most important, if they do not want to eat, so what, take it away and give them tea later, nothing till tea. Babies and children need to want to eat, if people stress them they will not. Only give other things if you know your child is ill, my child lived on toast and snacks for 3 weeks, I knew she was ill but docter said she was fine, I only knew she was ill as she eats everything normally, so i took her to the hospital, she had pneumonia, I gave it a week she eats everything again, but I made sure as soon as I knew she was better, no more snacks only meals, if she did not want it, I took it away, with in two days she realised its proper food or nothing, of course she did not want to go hungry so ate everything I gave her.

maxybrown · 12/04/2010 15:28

To be honest, all that advice doesn't really make much difference - my DS is still fussy. I never imagined it could happen as all of our family love food, I have always waited until he wants to eat, makes no difference. Oh and he doesn't like sweet things either!

Milamae - are you still around? Wondered how you were getting on. My son is only 2 and a half but sounds a lot like your son!!

Rosa · 12/04/2010 16:05

Pink chick I think you have been lucky it does also depend on the character of the child. I have identically weaned my dds it was spoonfed and BLW as this is MY preferred way of doing it . DD 1 ate everything went through a I don't like phase and is now back to eating most things and trying everything.
DD2 is a challenge. She weaned well and now she is starting to refuse and create problems.
As for don't EVER give a jar or ready made food that is a bit of a sweeping statement. I like many others have had situations where it has been impossible to do anything else.
I was advised that you decide what they eat - if apple or yoghut is on the menu for pudding then go ahead and give it to them even if they do not eat the 1st course.
However for the OP and everybody else who is turning grey over this good luck and may your dc turn the corner soon.

maxybrown · 12/04/2010 18:18

yes and alos pink chick, it did seem to come across as a bit "I know how to do it, this is what you are doing wrong"

Lots of posters here have a few children and all been treated same and have issues still, as above poster said.
I only have 1 DS though used to nanny myself and have cared for many children over the years, it just isn't as straight forward as you made out.

pinkchick1 · 21/04/2010 23:27

All I can say is in my 20 years in childcare and 400 children, this works, and I will add, alot of the children when parents were home and I was working suddenly went from eating anything I gave them to crying at mum nd refusing food, mum instructed me to let them leave it and to give a yogurt etc so they have something in them, well what do you know, suddenly they were hungry, at yogurts, snacks, and then when I looked at the child they laughed at me, and why, they had won the battle. But they know, if I am there on my own, they know my boundaries, food is made, if they want it fine, if not they leave the table, no issue, but never have I had a child not eat.

I do this with my child, I know perhaps 30 nannies with children, they also do this whith there own and with there charges, none of them have an issue.

As far as the jar thing goes, no my child has never had a jar, or a childrens micro meal, only home made food or resturant food. If I am out my child has either a jacket patato with cheese and a side order of mixed vegetables, or if on a picnic and in a resturant she has bread and butter, tomatoes, cheese, bananas, peppers, oranges, apples, blueberrys, strawberrys and raspberrys then a defrosted pre made meal by me, she loves food, infact she askes for breakfast, lunch and tea by blowing, as I have taught her food can be hot, so she will sit on the floor crawl over to me and blow to let me know she is hungry.

cremedelacreme · 04/05/2010 21:27

I really do sympathise because I'm in exactly the same position.

DD is 19 months. When first weaned she ate everything I gave. Then around 11 or 12 months she became really fussy and would only eat 'dry' foods that she could hold, ie. she wouldn't eat wet foods with lumps in, eg. stews, casseroles, bakes. She just says, no mummy no. And swipes the bowl off the table. And she won't eat rice or pasta. And she won't eat whole vegetables, eg. peas, sweetcorn , carrots etc. I've tried roasting, steaming, boiling, stir frying with ginger, garlic, sesame oil etc. Have managed to 'hide' veggies in pizza toppings by pureeing and using as a 'tomato' sauce but the quantity of veg she's getting is, of course, minimal. That is, unless I give her Plum/Ella pouches. I know I shouldn't, and I've tried going without, but she just won't eat lumps on a spoon and it's difficult to hide things such as veggies when they won't eat wet food in a bowl!

DD does eat yoghurt, ready brek, weetabix, toast, cheese, quorn products, eg. ham/chicken, fillet, sausage roll, etc. Also egg omelette with, curiously enough, rough chopped spinach in it but mushrooms definitely a no-no! Tofu sausages and potato latkas/faces/waffles, fruit and veg puree all okay(fruit okay in pot, doesn't have to be a pouch) but I would so love her to eat what I eat - I have tried so hard!

Since it seems to be a texture not taste thing I'm wondering whether she could also have a problem with her sense of smell. Starting to get very about it all and when I'm out and about and see other kids wolfing food down!

violin · 05/05/2010 18:56

Out of interest, does either child poo normally (!) i.e. different colours and do they go funny colours in the face (green, pale, white etc)?

My fussy eater does and I just wondered if this is a cause or a sympton!

SouthernerUpNorth · 25/05/2010 21:37

I have a nearly 3 year old who is currently causing a war every mealtime, my fault - she's being her age and I have no patience! It makes you feel awful, but I don't want to end up with a fussy eater who will only eat what she wants to eat. Trying to think of bribes that don't involve giving her Smarties or sweet-related treats as my next plan of action.

cremedelacreme · 03/07/2010 00:15

Been without internet for ages!

But wanted to update that my 'fussy' DD who is now 21 months has eaten potato gnocchi with pesto sauce and even tried pasta with pesto (it's obviously the pesto that's of interest, but that's fine!)

Just wanted to give some hope to people who've had 'issues'

cory · 03/07/2010 11:18

More hope dished up: dd went through fussy stage between age 3 and 7 (roughly), now as a teen eats absolutely everything; real human dustbin. And even thanks me for my efforts unprompted.

Not saying every teen will, but at least there can be a change. Ds (10) is still fairly fussy but not as bad as he was.

audiotypist · 31/07/2010 19:12

My little boy is now 4 and an extremely terrible eater - he will eat yoghurts, but only red or pink, no bits in them either, he will eat strawberries, grapes, bread, and nutella chocolate on bread - this chocolate spread is healthy as it has hazelnuts apparently. Sometimes he will eat pasta - but this is the only hot thing that he will eat - oh and sausages, bacon and black pudding - he will drink water and juice and strawberry milkshake - but nothing else whatsoever - when he beings reception I am dreading it - I have mentioned his eating but been advised to give him packed lunch - dreading this as well as I know full well that he will not eat it - I was extemely anxious at first about his eating but now I just go with the flow and give him what he wants - I also believe it is texture as well - I am still not happy with his eating habits but better the devil you know!!!!

BoattoBolivia · 08/01/2011 13:34

If it helps anyone, my DD, now 8, was a dream eater until she started school at 4.6. Would eat any veg, fruit, prawns, in fact pretty much what we ate, then started going backwards. Now won't eat fish, stews, eggs (unless egg bread) and many veg that she used to eat. Was driving us nuts, but have tried very hard not to have angry dinner times. Got her involved in meal planning, shopping, cooking, which worked a bit. Explained, as she is older, that her Dad and I want to eat different things sometimes, but often just substitute something she does like, when we want fish etc. This seems to be working as she is slowly coming back to us and asking to try things again. She always gets praised for trying something voluntarily, doesn't have to eat it if she then decides she really doesn't like it. Peer pressure makes a big difference...she has tried all sorts of things if we are at the table with more adventurous cousins!!! Basically, hang in there, take the pressure off, feed them what you know they will eat within reason and, unless there is a medical reason, they probably will get better.

izzysprout · 26/01/2011 23:20

Hi all mothers of fussy toddlers. I am just writing this to back up what PinkChick1 has posted. I know it sounds too simple to be true, but having gone through six nightmare months with our little one (who by the age of 12 months only ate cheese biscuits, yoghurt, cheerios and fruit pouches) we finally fixed the problem. My husband took over the feeding (because I couldn't cope with her not eating, and would give her anything she would take, hence the yoghurts etc). He made a 'no snacks' rule, and offered her homecooked food in a bowl, mashed, with the spoon loaded up for her. If she refused it (or threw it) the food would quietly be removed and the meal was over. She would get another chance to eat a proper meal 3-4 hours later. She continued to refuse to eat for the first day. She had milk 8oz morning and evening. The second day though, we saw results - she ate half a bowl of home made casserole. He said that the first few mouthfuls she took, she'd actually seemed quite frightened to take it ... but after a bit she relaxed and really enjoyed it. I think our frantic efforts to get her to eat over the preceding six months (trying distraction, praise, endless options) had totally stressed her out and she'd become afraid of food and the whole issue of mealtimes. So she had to get hungry enough to overcome her fear of eating. And once she'd done that she hasn't looked back. Within 48 hours she was packing away a whole big bowl of food for lunch and dinner, and then demanding fresh fruit for dessert. I really really would encourage you to give it a go. It is really hard to do I know, as I couldn't do it myself... we only cracked it because my husband was determined to sort the problem out, not least because it was causing me so much worry. Good luck to everyone out there dealing with a difficult eater.

maxybrown · 27/01/2011 08:38

I think you also forget that some of these children may have sensory issues too. I am not soft and have never given in to DS - mainly because i am not worried about his weight, yes he is skinny, but fighting fit. He hardly ever asks for food, he does not eat desert, hardly touches chocolate etc - he is never vying for anything else.

When at toddler group he eats NOTHING, all the others eat things that they would not normally eat at home! DS will eat a banana occaionally - as long as it is in the skin, he will not touch the banana itself. If I gave him bananas and custard he acts like it is arsenic in his mouth. He weaned brilliantly, ate everything and all homemade. We never have deserts anyway and he never bothered with yoghurts. He does however LOVE fish, and the difference with my son is that he will try things, always has.

He still does not like things together - and i a not talking one thing that he does not like but it could be a plate full of things he loves they would need to be seperate.....sometimes i forget but I do ignore him I have to say, it does not worry me he hardly eats - he is thriving, but he def has some oddities with his food.

tutsie · 22/06/2011 14:09

hi my son is 2.5 and really a fussy eater. he will only have chicken nuggets and i have tried everything i can but he will not eat anything else.I have refused to offer anything and he has opted to go hungry but this is with tantrums till i give in. thing is i have a 3month old as well and am almost going insane now....

notcitrus · 22/06/2011 14:25

Ds is 2.10 and fussy - will eat same as OPs child, plus any form of bread/cake/pancake/crisps/biscuits/chips. And margharita pizza.

It's definitely a tactile thing - unexpected lumps cause him to burst into tears, though on holiday last week we had to explain that holiday peanut butter is chewy and lumpy and after a couple tiny bites he decided that was OK (peanut butter being his fave food and this was his usual brand, only crunchy). He also hates mess on his hands, and never really put strange objects in his mouth.

We're trying to concentrate on enjoying meals, so sitting at the table with everyone, eating some stuff he does like, attempting to get him to at least play with another food, and not shouting 'It's YUCK!' about food other people want to eat. Given he will eat starchy things, all restaurants have something suitable, plus we give him fruit juice and fruit tubes. 'Red sauce' - pureed pasta sauce, plus no-sugar grated-carrot+raisin muffins get vegetables into him.

He's slowly getting better (though if he's eaten a scone with nuts and raisins you need to check for a pile of them hidden somewhere...), and I know I was a bit similar and got better around 7 and then after puberty would eat pretty much anything. Stuff just stopped tasting so slimy and sick-making!

trixie123 · 22/06/2011 17:55

hi tutsie - am having some similar issues with DS (22m). He generally has eaten really well unless he was teething but since he has started having tantrums generally he now almost always has one in the evening at teatime because he wants to watch TV or be outside. We did twice allow him to have his tea in front of the TV (end of a long day) and am worried we have now set a precedent. He just wants "cake" (anything sweet) and pushes away the main course unless its fish fingers, and even then he'll only have about half before having a strop. Not sure what to do really, other than taking comfort that he DOES eat loads in the morning so won't be starving. Are there times of day that your DS is better? if so, maybe try and fill him up then. Anyway, just wanted to know you're not alone!

tutsie · 23/06/2011 14:32

thanx trixie. he did eat well b4 he turned 2 and then the woes began. when hungry he will have what he wants and lots of it.i have tried everything the health visitors say but i have just given up hoping this is a phase that will go away soonest!!! he does love sweet things esp homemade cakes. lets all hope this doesnt last.
thanx again.

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