DS 3.4 turned into a raging monster. What shall I do to help him? AP/AC/How to talk experts most welcome

[theHoHoHouseofmirth]

DS has recently turned from a loving, co-operative, thoughtful child into an unpredictable, agressive maelstrom. He flies into rages, hits me not hard enough to hurt, more a kind of lashing out in frustration) and if I ask him not to do something, blows hideously wet raspberries in my face. There is also shouting, screaming and stamping etc.

I am 32 weeks pregnant and he started nursery in September (his first time away from me). I know that some of it can be triggered his by not getting enough attention but this is not solely the case. Sometimes it seems to come from nowhere and it is largely due to to frustration. He has had lots of colds recently and I know this is making him cranky. He is also currently getting very cross when I talk about giving other people Christmas presents; he flies into a rage saying Christmas is stupid etc.

My fuse is quite short at the moment and I am becoming really worn down by his nastiness. I know it's not his fault but I feel I am losing the plot and need some perspective to remind me what might be causing this behaviour and what techniques I can adopt to help him.

I don't believe in shouting (though I'm afraid I have been ) or smacking or naughty steps but I'm not sure what I do believe in! Up until now Time In (cuddling & talking it through) has always helped but not any more.

Sorry for ramble. I obviously needed to get that out...

Hi there

It sounds like he is reacting to your short-fuse, and this makes your more cross and him more naughty!

My best advice about dealing with my DS1 who was very 'challenging' for a while was;

Ignore the bad
Praise the good

give loads of attention/stickers etc for good behaviour

do a very calm no to bad

and most importantly give warnings about thing st tha are going to happen

eg: instead of saying lets get shoes on were going out to playgroup (or wherever) let them know in the morning what is going to happen. THen give 10 then 5 minute announcements that your going to do it.

As for the xmas thing. I would just stop mentioning the present thing. My DS1 is 3.3 is very similar about particular topics (christmas songs he hates ).

I bet witht the present thing you had to use the dreaded no word at some point ie - are those for me? no. there for...(my DS can melt down at no if he is in the wrong mood!)

sorry I haven't explained myself well at all but have to go now as they have woken up!

oh and always try and explain why you are doing things /why things are bad etc

my 3.5 ds has recently started this sort of behaviour too. His favourite thing at the moment is if i tell him no or tell him off (tormenting the dogs has become a bit of a thing of late) he responds with 'don't talk to me'.......so we say 'ok, i won't talk to you until you come and say sorry and start behaving like a good boy'.......he then follows us round saying 'please talk to me'.....which we don't do until he says sorry.
Ds had a cold/ear infection a few weeks ago and that is when the behaviour started, he became very needy and has got into a habit of attention seeking.
He is lashing out through frustration too, and so i tell him to have time out to calm down and then we talk about why he did it. Sometimes he tells me other times he refuses.
I realised that i was talking to him too much, trying to reason with him too much. Now i've taken that back down to a minimum he turning back into the loving, sensitive boy i am used to.