Please re-assure me about my sensitive right brained creatively madening near 4 yo DS

[Spoo]

I worry so much about him. I have posted before about some of the issues. He is left handed and whilst that is not an issue, I have been reading up on right brained children and realise that he might struggle in such a left brained world. My DS and I are both engineers and very practical and heavily left brained.

He seems especially sensitive to certain issues. there are a few major things that he is afraid of e.g. FC, dogs, the birds in Happy feet, The fox in Dora etc.. I believe it is cos of his overactive imagination.

Even his little brother knows not to watch certain stuff on TV cos it will scare his big brother. He also is very emotional and loses the plot very easily if things do not go his way.

He often plays on his own at Nursery because he doesn't want to do what the other kids are doing, and whilst I recognise that he won't be easily led I worry he won't be very popular. He starts school next year and I am not sure that he is emotionally ready although intellectually I think he is.

He also struggles with his writing as most LH kids do at first I think. This is improving.

Sorry to waffle!! Has anyone else had these worries? How do they manage left handed kids at school? THe schools I have vistsed say 'oh yes - we make sure they are sitting on the left when at a desk.' but surely this is not the only way of 'managing' left handed kids. They are not just left handed but right brained too!

You are worrying way too much about this!

I'm left handed and a scientist.

hi spoo
my DS, 5, is left-handed and definitely took a while to get into writing as a result - to my shame i have never really looked into any special measures to help him but he is getting really much better at shaping letters recently and the teachers have no concerns about him on that front. he is at a pretty laid-back school though with a lot of younger boys (like him - a july baby) in his class so the teacher has had to think a bit laterally in her approach and let the academic stuff take a back seat. which i think can only be a good thing in boys of this age - am definitely in the 'they start school too soon in this country' camp! having said all that spoo, he is laid-back and not prone to losing the plot anything like to the extent that his highly emotional, sensitive, anxious, fear-prone, volatile and...right-handed big sister was/is! so i guess there is more to that than 'handedness'. for what it's worth DD was really late in making friends, was a real loner until the age of 5 or so. and now is blossoming on that front age 7. she was a really late developer socially but it's all coming good with a little time. am sure the same will go for your little one spoo.

Spoo, no, that is pretty much it as far as 'managing' left handed kids goes! I'm a left handed primary school teacher, married to a left handed IT consultant. It hasn't really affected us, I have to say - although dh's handwriting is and always has been shocking!

You really are reading far too much into this. Being LH can be a bit of a pain sometimes cos we live in a RH world, but it's all fairly surmountable.

Being sensitive, over-emotional and liking to play alone is probably nothing to do with being LH. Could be a developmental stage or could just be him. Talk to the school about these things if it will set your mind at rest - and it will help them to paint a picture of your DS. Although he may surprise you!

I'm not saying all lefties are never gonna be engineers or scientists. I'm just saying that my boy is partcularly sensitive that I have put down to be more right brained. (It has been shonw that left handedness is generally more creative and more imaginative).

I will be very pleased if I am worrying about nothing cornsilk.

If your child is particularly sensitive or creative you need to ask schools how they will manage that, not expect them to make assumptions about these things based on handedness.

Hmm, he sounds quite like my DS (who also appears to be left-handed, but it's hard to tell as he keeps changing his mind!) and me and DP are also right-handed, sciency etc. DS is very imaginative and a real dreamer. For example he will make up hugely complex, very long, inventive songs, but when required to sing a normal song in a group at nursery, his mind wanders and he drifts off

tbh I had just assumed school would have seen his type before and know what to do! We also talk about how the dreamer/imaginative side of him means he may end up doing something creative - but that's a good thing, right? It takes all sorts, and people who don't fit in perfectly at school often have something interesting going for them IMO. If he's lucky he'll have some good teachers who bring out the best in him - that's what every child should have after all.

Lefties are just generally superior at everything spoo!

Seriously though, I would talk your concerns through with school, but be aware that you could be painting a picture to the teacher that s/he won't actually recognise when your DS starts.

Okay I appreciate everything everyone is saying and I should just not put it down to his handedness.

If I am honest, I am worried mainly about his sensitivity and his emotional outbursts and wondering whether he will cope with school. They are not worried about him at nursery, they say his a bit of a loner a take them and leave them sort of boy. I feel like I want to toughen him up a bit. I feel awful saying that! He just seems to react so senstively to very small issues.

If he is still at nursery he doesn't need to be worrying about writing. Presumably he is 3 or 4 and your handedness isn't even set in stone until the age of 5+.

Also the next school year is 9 mths off and he will change a lot in that time. He won't be the same child so it is too soon to say if he is emotionally ready

That said, they don't really 'manage' left handed children any differently at school (I have one as well). They are pretty much left to get on with it. Those who struggle with handwriting will get extra help but that isn't restricted to those who are left handed.

Actually, I think I agree with Cornsilk - you are worrying too much about this too soon.

He struggles with writing because he's 4. And everyone has a different brain. Being right brained isn't a disability and the teachers will have dealt with left handed children before.

You know you really are over thinking all of this. Why are you so keen to "toughen him up a bit"? If you had a daughter who was mad keen on Thomas the Tank Engine and Bob the Builder would you want the school to soften her down a bit. No? Thought so.

spoo on this one i can really empathise, as i say DD used to blow up or break down virtually every 5 minutes between the ages of 3-5. school, i have to say, was the best thing that ever happened to her - and definitely to us ! the structure and the reading etc really suited her. reading meant that she always had an instant comforter/calmer-downer strategy. socialising took a while at school but she did make friends - gradually. what you may well find is that he is perfect at school but lets it all out as soon as he sees you at the school gates - very common phenomenon in the anxious, sensitive child, i had that for at least 2 years or so. but better with me, i reckoned, than at school, where her behaviour was fine. good luck.

Apologies if I have offended anyone with my OP. I am purely worried about his sensitivity.

Thanks for your kind words Katie. I do know that he does not have these issues at nursery and that he does not quite react the same way when around others. It is interesting the differences between siblings isn't it?

I can understand why you're worried about his sensitivity in the context of starting school. I have a son too (only 6mths so no concerns at present ) and I would be worried too.

But, as I said before, he really might be totally different when he starts school, and if not then speak with your son's reception teacher to raise your concerns. He won't be the only one in his class.

fascinating. certainly convinced me of the importance of nature over nurture (or at least that's my get-out clause as far as Bad Parenting is concerned !)

Thanks Spongebrain - plenty of time yet. And as you guys have said, it won't be the first time they have a sensitive child in their classes. He probably be fine and just make me look like a paranoid Mother of a PFB!!

While it sounds like he does have some issues, I think you are reading too much into the right-brained/left-handed thing. IIRC In recent years this has been disproved as an actual theory and is now just commonly used as an easy way to describe people who are more (or less) artistic and free-spirited. Instead I think you should be looking into more whether he has true sensory integration issues which can be linked with fine motor skills in some children. I would recommend references such as the Highly Sensitive Child and the Out of Sync Child. An occupational therapist could do an evaluation and let you know for certain.

HTH

Hi Spoo I wrote amy thesis on handedness or brainsidedness as it were about ten years ago. Although left handers may be better at lateral thinking and imaginative solutions I don't remember anything about being ultra sensitive. Could you point me to any links on this ? I am left handed and as others have said it is entirely possible to surmount the problems faced at school and work. The incidence is roughly 12% so the teacher will be very used to dealing with lefties. As others have said there is a long time before he starts school, his behaviour sounds very age appropriate.Try not to worry.{hugs}

thanks Jabberwocky. What's IIRC? I will think about whether I want to go down the route of an OT. I will look at the refs you recommended. Thanks. He does seem to have issues with his fine motor skills but I do not think these are obviously delayed. He does not enjoy colouring or mark making and whilst he is not pushed will get very frsutrated with himself and declare 'he just can't do it!' I always encourage him by telling him he is doing a fab job and that it doesn't matter if he doesn't get it exactly right.

Thanks naughtymummy. I think I read it in this book but then I might have jumped to conclusions on the imaginativeness and it affecting his ability to manage his fears. Don't get me wrong I love his personality but I worry about how he will learn to manage his inner issues later in life. As everyone has said he is still very young and has plenty of time.

IIRC = if I remember correctly

ds1 has sensory processing disorder (SPD) formerly called sensory integration disorder. While his fine motor skills are not technically delayed he has really had to work on handwriting and things like doing buttons.

Sorry not always up with the Mumsnet talk!!I've never heard of SPD before. How did you find that out? How old is he now? Did he have the same sort of issues as my son?

I stumbled onto a thread about highly sensitive children on MN, got the HSC book I mentioned and realized that ds1 had it in spades. Found an OT who specialized in pediatrics when ds1 was 4 and got him evaluated. He turned 5 in August and has just taken a little break from therapy but it helped loads! I'm an optometrist so in January he will start vision and sensory integration therapy at my office once a week. If your son does indeed have SPD early intervention (as with most things) really makes a difference. Pre-school age is considered to be the prime point at which to start therapy.

Thanks Jabberwocky. I will look into it. thanks for your constructive advice.

You're welcome! Kids like this can be a real challenge