My just 3 year old ds is driving me insane!

[LedodgyChristmasjumper]

I don't know what has got into him but he's driving me mad everything I say he wants the opposite thus i'm living in a world of reverse psychology.

'I want to do drawing'
'Ok lets do drawing'
'I don't want to do drawing (screams)'
'Ok don't then'
'I want to do drawing' and so on and so on.

It's like this with every single thing so much so if there's something I need him to do like put his pjamas on I have to say

'I don't want you to put your pjamas on'
'I want to put my pjamas on'
'No your not putting your pjamas on'
Cue him climbing on my knee to put his pjamas on otherwise it would continue like above and i'd never get the desiried result. His tantrums have gone unbelievable too.

ARGGHH!

.

Is it just mine?

not just you! Main thing is he's looking for a reaction so make sure you don't give him one. Maybe put out drawing things without saying anything?

Oh I've done that cue him hanging of my leg like a limpet shouting what he wants to/doesn't want to do!

in the drawing situation, or similar I would jsut put the things out and say "there, the drawing things are out if you want them. if you don't then let's find something else to play with"

if ther eis then more shouting/screaming I would say tyo him "I am not talking to you until you can calm down and speak to me nicely"

then go and shut myself in the toilet or something until he calms down. obv if he doesn't calm down I would go out and remind him that I am still ehre, but that I will not talk to him until he has calmed down.
sometimes I just potter in the kitchen and ignore him until he stops.

with clothing I usually just say, fine. here are your clothes. if you want them on then come and let me know and I'll do it.
we often get kicking and wriggling when trying to get him dressed in which case I just stop, and go and do something else and tell him in no uncertain terms that we do NOT kick in our house. and that if he wants his clothes on he can let me know.

Thanks tiy. I wil try and remain calm it's hard to walk away though as he follows me and if I put the stairgate on his tantrum gets worse but i'll have to be strong. i hope this stage doens't last long!

ds has been through various phases like this ... we resort a lot to "racing" ... I bet you can't get dressed before Daddy .. or bribery ie. ds knows he can't open the drawer on his advent train unless he has done his "chores" ie. dressed, teeth, hair, toilet. That and refusing to talk to him until he calms down and apologises when he loses the plot!

My DD was exactly the same and it wears you out- especially as other people don't get subjected to it all the time as we do (eg their Dad!!!). I walked away from DD a million times and got stuff out and put it straight away hundreds of times. They need to learn that trying to control you won't work (and it was ALL about control with my DD). You could try making cakes or something with DS and if he kicks off, he doesn't get any. It's provocative but it shows them how things have to be on your terms. Clothes are still an issue in here- DD will kick off about what SHE has chosen to wear, never mind what I choose but she knows that it will only go on for so long before I physically put clothes on her or we don't go out and she'll miss nursery ect.

Does your DS go to nursery? I found it made a huge difference to my DD as she realised that I wasn't being mean and sometimes other people make rules too- it's not about spoiling their fun, it's just life.

Good luck- it does pass.

Ty. No he doesn't go to nursery he's due to go next september (November baby). He goes to playgroup twice a week and is an absolute angel there. He's a very sensitive little boy and if anyone else tells him not to do something sometimes even an off the cuf comment not actually telling him off he goes all quiet and upset.

oh god. 3 year olds.

whoever said that 2 year olds ere hard didn't have a 3 year old yet.

bloody hell.

you have my sympathy. DS was 3 in september. last week he reduced me to tears on the street.

I know Purple only dd wasn't like this at three mind you her tantrums seemed to have returned at 5 she's like a stroppy teenager!

maybe it's just boys?

No don't say that I have an eleven month old boy as well!

When this sort of thing happened with my DD I used to just huff 'oh I can't be bothered' and walk out of the room and get on with something I wanted to do. It used to work a treat - she hated just being left like a right melon!

Lol I have been known to sigh 'Oh whatever' but i'm not sure that was a very grown up response.

Oh yes. Mine is 3.6 now and this is so familiar. "I don't want it! I DOOOO want it! Waahhhhh!" He will kick off about the slightest, daftest thing - ESPECIALLY things that absolutely cannot be reversed, like you have thrown something in the bin - "I want that packet back, I want to keep it, waaaaaaillll" or you have not got to the bus stop in time - "I wanted to go on THAT bus, waaaaaaahhhh!"

I do a lot of what thisisyesterday and rudolph suggest - calm, patient, no-shit reactions -

"But I want juice not milk. I don't want it, waaaahhhh" - "You asked for milk, your choice now is milk or no milk. Do you want the milk or shall I throw it down the sink?" "I DO want it!"

And a lot of "I will stop helping you now and wait until you can speak nicely." Also a lot of distraction - "DS, what IS that in the sky, what is that white thing!!??" as if I have no idea, then he can take great delight in explaining to me (in this case a vapour trail) often works to deflect a full-on screaming fit.

But it's so exhausting - and what gets me is, when's he going to learn? He KNOWS that whinging and kicking off NEVER gets results. He knows how to ask nicely and behave - and when he does he's lovely and gets lots of attention. Yet off we go again with another screamer, many, many times a day.....

I hate it when I feel relieved to drop him off at nursery - but there have been several times I've felt that since he's turned 3.