I think i finally understand...now just how to deal with it - all advice welcome

[kjpompey]

Hi, I'm new to MN so please bear with me. It has just dawned on me that my son (8) can't generalise anything
He can give you the in and outs of everything he has learned ever, but if you want him to sum it up into a short couple of sentences, he just can't do it!
I'm very cool with this, as i love the passion he relates this information to me with, however I think its causing a few problems for him socially.
An example of this would be that, a few days ago, my husband spent some time explaining some war memorabillia that he owns came from the falklands, today my son repeated that word for word to a lad in the pub, who after about 20 minutes began to look very bored! All he really needed to say was that it was a war between these to countries between these dates of this (i dont understand the falklands war!!!
This is a regular occurance, in regards to everything! He can spend 30 minutes explaining something funny that happened a cartoon that only lasted 10 minutes itself!!

This in turn makes him very hard to listen to, and leaves him isolated at school...he said the other kids say he talks too much!!!
Whilst i think about it, this is probably why he hates writing too, he can't break it down, so instead of writing what would be pages and pages...he won't do it at all in turn i think this is why he struggles with reading!!!
Has anyone else dealt with anything similar? He is an iincredibly bright kid, there must be a way i can help him, without knocking his confidence, or his thirst for learning!!!

Hi KJ and welcome to MN

Your son sounds very bright and interesting

Have you spoken to school about the being isolated at school thing?

The teacher may have strategies or games that you can do with him to help him to 'learn' how to play with his peers more succesfully.

I have done and there are several things we are doing that are helping, he has joined cubs, he is starting boxing after xmas, to build his confidence, not my sport of choice, however, he isnt a particularly sporty kid, but he chose it and we figured it would be better for him to do something of his choosing!
We are also making more of an effort to get him out doing things socially! Last night we took him to watch ice hockey with a friend from school!!
Its these long winded explinations of everything that bore people. He will remember every detail about everything, but then proceed to repeat it word for word!!!
He is an amzing kid in so many way, very intelligent, but hates placing all the info in his head down on paper! He never fails to be polite, to the exptent that it shocks me sometimes and he is very very funny. I wouldnt have him any other way...even if he does spend all day telling me about a documentary that lasted an hour.
I should explain that when he is doing this, he never has any questions....so its not even a two way chat, its him reeling off fact after fact, with me nodding and agreeing - i know he is very accurate in what he is telling me, but if i were to ask him to repeat the last couple of things he said....he would, willingly, but he has to start all over again!!!!
Somedays seem to last forever!!!

He sounds lovely. I know a few adults like this actually. I suppose like everything with our personalities it depends on how extreme it is, i.e. an endearing part of a person's character rather than becoming a problem.

I know an adult who will carry on telling me about something even after I have walked away up the stairs.

It sounds like your son would benefit from talking about how conversation works. I used to run communication groups (I am a SALT) for children (mostly boys it has to be said!) who were having difficulty with social communication. We talked about the "rules" of communication - things like picking up the cues for when someone has had enough of listening to you (facial expression, posture etc), how just because you are fascinated by something doesn;t mean everyone else is too, the importance of sharing conversation, asking questions etc.

He sounds a bright kid - he should get the idea even if it doesn;t come naturally to him. Schools often have SALTs running groups like this - maybe you could check this out?

Actually he sounds a lot like my dss, who was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. He also has trouble playing with other kids because he wants to take the lead all the time, will not be part of the team and follow others.
He'll talk for ages in amazing detail about factories, nuclear power stations and time travel.
He also struggles a bit with his reading and writing, though this has massively improved over the last couple of months.
He is also quite bright too.
His recall of facts is astounding.
DSS is nearly 8.
But he also has regular tantrums and meltdowns because he cannot cope with change. Everything in his life has to be fairly regimented.
His mum had to fight to get a dx and a statement for him but he has been seeing an educational psychologist who has properly assessed him.
I'm not saying this is necessarily the case with your son, but it migt be worth bearing in mind.

I've nothing very helpful to say, but just wanted to mention what a lovely, bright and interesting boy he sounds. You must be very proud of him.

I have seen this characteristic in my own two boys but not to the same extent. Boys do seem to relish facts in a very particular way. DS1 and DS2 will overwhelm me with information about their interests. My DS2 will often tell me in great detail about what is just about to happen on a DVD he has watched several times and the explanation takes long enough to blot out the actual happening on the DVD.

The 'photographic' element of memory and learning does diminish with maturity so perhaps things will come more into balance of their own accord, in time.

You mention that he is sometimes very funny (and always polite) -- so he does have some great conversational attributes. He really sounds like a lovely boy, though I appreciate that the characteristic you mention does bring some social problems.

As to how you can help, I guess you could be a little more honest than we generally are ()about what portions of his speech are truly interesting to you. Let him know when you are bored. Sounds harsh, but I'm sure you can do it lovingly.

my dad is just like this! he can spend 20 minutes explaining something that could be said in 20 seconds! your ds sounds very very articulate and lovely actually! not a problem, he will probably make more friends when he goes to senior school as there are more people to pick from and more chance of finding someone with similar interests. he sounds lovely, very individual and it's great that he does want to learn about things like that and that he listens so well!

Mine's a bit like yours, too, though doesn't have the same amazing memory as yours, so can't keep going for quite so long!

"Mind maps" help hugely with mine, certainly when he needs to hold of something so's to be able to write it (eg for homework). You might know what I mean, but if not:

• you get a big sheet of plain paper (lines tend to distract our boys)

• in a circle in the middle write the basic topic idea

• draw some lines coming out from the middle circle, leading to blank circles

• get him to write in the blank circles, or tell you, if writing is hard, all the ideas that the basic topic makes him think of - like a "data dump"

• once you've got the "dump" done, you and he can go through the ideas seeing how they connect with each other, what sequence they make sense in, which ones are really important to the topic & which ones less

It's worth doing this with practice topics for fun, like "cats" or "pirates" or "school" before you need to use it for anything serious like homework assignments