What is NORMAL behaviour for an eight year old girl?

[scatterbrain]

Just wondered what other 8 yr old girls get up to at home? I think my dd's behaviour is out of order a lot of the time - but am wondering whether I am being realistic?

Does your 8 year old have temper tantrums - slamming doors, throwing things, screaming at you?

Does she tell you she hates you and wishes you were dead?

Does she tell you that she doesn't want to live with you anymore and tell you to leave?

Does she lose her rag at nothing?

Does she automatically shout NO at you even when she means yes?

Does she demand constant attention? Interrupting all the time and shouting over you or your dh talking? Also when you have visitors does she stand in front of them and monopolise them so that you can't speak to them?

Does she get very fixed on something she is doing and get furious if you ask her to come to eat or otherwise divert her (despite early warnings and count downs)?

Thanks so much for answers in anticipation

Thank you - that is somewhat of a relief!

She is usually OK 80% of the time - but this last week has been horrendous 80% of the time instead - I guess it could be end of term tiredness etc

I am a past master of HTTSKWL - but haven't heard of the other one - will go and look now.

Thanks.

scatterbrain on Sun 14-Dec-08 15:35:29

"Does your 8 year old have temper tantrums - slamming doors, throwing things, screaming at you?"

You left out the kicking and sinking her teeth into loving parent (but then my dd did have a very difficult time at that age).

"Does she tell you she hates you and wishes you were dead?"

Has been known.

"Does she tell you that she doesn't want to live with you anymore and tell you to leave?"

A bit too old and realistic to ask me to leave at 8, but the general sentiment was no doubt there.

"Does she lose her rag at nothing?"

Well, at least at things that seemed like nothing to me. Presumably they didn't to her.

"Does she automatically shout NO at you even when she means yes?"

Has been known.

"Does she demand constant attention?"

Yes, certainly. Not least in the night-time.

"Interrupting all the time and shouting over you or your dh talking? Also when you have visitors does she stand in front of them and monopolise them so that you can't speak to them?"

No, she usually behaved well in the presence of others.

"Does she get very fixed on something she is doing and get furious if you ask her to come to eat or otherwise divert her (despite early warnings and count downs)?"

Has been known(am a bit that way myself when I'm mumsnetting and get interrupted).

Ds is a quieter version but quite likely to start shouting and whingeing when told to do something. Tends not to register with us, because he's not actually sinking his teeth into us: pays to have a more high-profile sister . But he is quite attention-demanding. I tend to put it down to outside things (living in the shadow of his disabled sister for years, and then being told he has the same diagnosis, so clearly worrying that noone will have any energy to help him if his condition does deteriorate).

I wouldn't say the tantrumming as such is totally unusual for her age. One of ds's perfectly well adjusted friends throws a strop everytime he's been round playing and is told to go home. Ds was rather difficult in the car yesterday. One of his best mates certainly has temper tantrums like you describe. My db did too.

But it does seem like it's got to the point with you where it is really affecting your family life. So that does sound that little bit worse, like you're never getting a break, I think perhaps we did.

I have two eight yr old girls. I am going to live in the garage. We have power in there, i will be fine....

I think the trouble is, at this age the dreaded hormones start kicking in and they turn into pre-teens with attitude.
I find myself counting to 10 alot these days.

my dd1 who is 9 very shortly ( if she makes it htat far) does all of the above plus some, she has no patience and flies of the handle at the slightest thing gogin wrong , everything is a major drama and i mean major . this morning ww3 broke out as she started screaming as if her throat had been cut - cue me running up stairs to find she cannot get her curtain pulled straight ...oh ffs....i will add she is very pubertal already and i dread the teenage years, however the mother of a girl at school who is now 14 and an absolute delight says has daughter was jsut like that up until 12 or so ....

My 8yo and 7yo dds occasionally slam doors or scream at me (and to be fair, I occasionally scream at them too).

They occasionally say they hate me but not often. It's a penalisable offence in our house now, as they said it a few times and I got fed up of it. Since we instigated sanctions they don't say it.

No to the rest. To me that wouldn't be particularly normal for an 8yo girl. I would see it as out of order. I'd see early warnings and countdowns as more usual for a younger child, my 4yo maybe, not my 8 and 7 year old.

DD - 9 is an angel at school, and infact anywhere where there are people other than just me, DH and DS.
At home she is mainly very sensible and fun to be with, etc.

BUT when the red mist descends, she shouts and screams the most horrible things, particularly to me and DS. Mainly coz DH is at work or putting his head in the sand as usual
Things like mummydoc reports. I think she is getting pubertal too. (whispers) she has teeny little bee-stings developing

I do think you are having to deal with much more than most here - sympathies.

I don't think these are 8yo girl things, I think they are challenging (including, very much, to herself too) personality things, and I think you are doing the right thing by looking into them. She sounds as if she has a hair-trigger and would deeply benefit from learning how to manage that part of herself - yoga/meditation things might help? Music? Funny books/movies? (Can't underestimate power of humour.)

PS - my 8yo girl doesn't have a hair trigger - the worst thing she does is gets uncontrollable fits of giggles & be unsufferably silly. Anger isn't part of it, whereas it clearly is with your girl. Wishing you all the best.

Scatterbrain.,

Sympathies to you. It sounds like your DD's behaviour is getting you down. For what it's worth, I would say the following re my DD1 (also 8):

Does your 8 year old have temper tantrums - slamming doors, throwing things, screaming at you?

She gets cross, but I can't remember her doing anything physical such as door slamming for at least 2 years. She shouts at times, but doesn't scream.

Does she tell you she hates you and wishes you were dead?

No

Does she tell you that she doesn't want to live with you anymore and tell you to leave?

No

Does she lose her rag at nothing?

No

Does she automatically shout NO at you even when she means yes?

No, although she can be irrationally negative at times. For example, if she gets down about school, she will say she hates everything about it, and so it can be impossible to pin down the truth until she is in a more helpful mood.

Does she demand constant attention? Interrupting all the time and shouting over you or your dh talking? Also when you have visitors does she stand in front of them and monopolise them so that you can't speak to them?

No. She interrupts if she has something to say, and has to be reminded to wait her turn, but that is more through enthusiasm than anger / attention seeking.

Does she get very fixed on something she is doing and get furious if you ask her to come to eat or otherwise divert her (despite early warnings and count downs)?

No. She is sometimes engrossed in something and has to be called a couple of times, but will come without too much hassle in the end.

Having said all that, of my four kids, she is the calmest and most good natured of them. The things you mention wouldn't really be in her nature, even if she were very angry (am not necessarily sure we will have the same luck with the other 3!)

My daughter was just like the OP's at eight. She was once so horrid on a family holiday that my husband thought she must have a brain tumour and insisted that I call the doctor when we got home (I didn't).

Now she's 10, she's much easier to live with. At school she's pretty good but we sometimes see the dark side.

Perhaps they have a hormonal surge or something at that age.

bigtillymint - dd1 has a littl ebit of pubic hair and some under am hair and definightly a figure with waist and hips etc, bit so far flat chested, she is not overly tall or overweight at all, i am sure it is all hormones ...ahhhhhh

She does sound particularly angry, but obviously you've talked to her about that, to see if anything is bothering her.

I have twin girls who are almost 8 and one is a very stroppy, stampy sort of child, easily flies of the handle, very emotional. The other is the most laid back soul, takes everything in her stride and is constantly bemused by her angry sister.

Mummydoc, DD has little girls body (and she's a shortie!) with little breast buds - enough so my friend could tell with her top on! No pubic hair yet, thank god!

She's getting all giggly and playing quite physical with the big Y6 boys at AfterSchool Club Don't know who she takes after

Thank goodness I found this site! My 8 year old daughter has yet again driven me to utter desperation!
She does all the things mentioned by the first poster (can't see the message now, so sorry I can't see your name).
She argues about whatever is for every meal.
She plays mind games, like if I ask her to go upstairs, she will go halfway. Whatever she is asked to do, she storms off, or growls. She growls at almost everything.
I've tried all the discipline techniques, but she always tries to negotiate every last detail of what I say. I try to be a positive parent, but it's extremely difficult. I praise all good behaviour, but feel that by the same token, I should point out negative behaviour too. If I ask her to go to bed, she will sit upstairs (for an hour sometimes) until I go up and ask her why she isn't in bed. She then says she wants me to help her get ready!
I stick to what i say, and carry it through, but to be honest, this often goes on for hours. As I deal with an incident, her response will generate another issue which has to be dealt with, and that will start another issue and it just goes on and on!

Does your 8 year old have temper tantrums - slamming doors, throwing things, screaming at you?
At least 10 times a day!

Does she tell you she hates you and wishes you were dead?

No

Does she tell you that she doesn't want to live with you anymore and tell you to leave?

No

Does she lose her rag at nothing?

At least 20 times a day

Does she automatically shout NO at you even when she means yes?

No, she sits scowling, for often up to 20 minutes until I give in and ask her what's troubling her, then she grunts and scowls at me.

Does she demand constant attention? Interrupting all the time and shouting over you or your dh talking? Also when you have visitors does she stand in front of them and monopolise them so that you can't speak to them?
Always! She wants to be in charge of every situation!

Does she get very fixed on something she is doing and get furious if you ask her to come to eat or otherwise divert her (despite early warnings and count downs)?
Not fixed on something but just unwilling to do anything I ask.

and yet, school, Brownies, childcare tell me she is the happiest, sweetest helpful child!

The OP's dd is now presumably about 15.

I know this is a zombie thread but I would quite like to revive it!

DD is also 8 (last week). At school, purportedly she is a role model. She is kind and loving to all her friends, quiet, polite, peacemaker……She is very composed, self-possessed, never loses her cool (in public).

At home:

She will argue that black is white
Burst into tears if people look at her wrong/say something slightly teasy/laugh at her jokes
Point blank refuses to go to bed. Ends up in ours, or we have to sit with her till she's sleeping
Screams at DH
Doesn't try it on with me as much as DH but she never just accepts anything, it must always be a negotiation.

I dug out HTTSKWL to give to DH. I kind of do it with her and it kind of works up to a point. She found the book and has been reading it - showing DH the cartoons and saying "you should do it more like this".

I have just gone upstairs to where DH was supposedly putting her to bed because the screeching has just reached too high a decibel level. I've told them to come up with a list between them of how they can avoid arguing when DH is putting her to bed.

She is also totally sweet and adorable a lot of the time, creative, funny, adores her little brother and loves to play with him…

Confusing exasperating little thing.

My DD does all of the above sometimes not all the time but quite often and she is 8. Usually it is because she is tired and the moods are so much worse. But the one thing me and my DH find really hard to deal with is the constant need for attention and when other adults are around she has to be involved and she can not entertain herself. But that is my fault from when she was a baby I tried to be a good parent and play with my child. Pre children I was a play worker at a local childrens centre and one of my things I was always having to tell parents to do was play with your child and dont use the tv as a babysitter. So when my own child was born I was constantly at baby groups and different activities and didn't use the tv till she was 3. Now she cannot entertain herself as she feels she is missing out on what is going on and the longest she can sit in front of a tv program is 20 mins. With my son I went against what I was taught to preach and put him on a babymat with cbeebies on and let him play with his trains on his own sometimes instead of me making up little imaginary stories and he will entertain himself quite happily!!

TheRealMaryMillington - my DD is also the perfect student- very highly praised at school and childcare for being happy, likeable, helpful, clever, friendly- the list goes on! Its just at home she is demanding-wanting me to play with her/join in with her/see what she's doing ALL the time, I make special time for her each day, and we do things together, but within seconds she is just antisocial! Usually I can rise above it, but by the end of the day, I'm close to tears!
No matter what the situation, she can find something to argue about it, invariably she feels cheated out of something, or someone has got something she hasn't. It's like living with the mind police!