6yo DD and problems making friends

[Decena]

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post so sorry if this crops up all the time.
We live in a rural area with a good but very small school. DD is one of only 5 girls in the class. She seems sociable and enjoys when I invite her friends to play, enjoys school and often seems to play with older children but she always seems the follower, tagging after the other children. She is not very confident and worries about what the others will say about her clothes etc. The other girls are now at the best friend stage and she always seems the one left out. I make an effort to invite other kids to play etc but the other parents rarely invite her back. She is very well behaved, polite little girl, only problem is that she can cry easily if upset. Tonight she came home from a party sad and said her friends had wanted to dance together and not with her and she spent the time sitting on the bench watching. Similarly sometimes she comes home from school without having had anyone to play with at break. There is no nastiness from the other kids, but my DD does not seem to be forward enough. She will enter a room full of her class and not say hello etc. Gets off the bus without saying bye etc.
I worry tremendously about my kids and I find myself with a knot in my stomach and can't sleep at night worrying that she will struggle to make friends throughout school. And that she takes after me as I am quite socially phobic especially with people I don't know well and find it extremely hard to make friends as I come across as intimidating and stuck up simply because I find it hard.
Gosh, this post has gone on and I realise that many of you will have much bigger problems, I am just looking for reassurance that I am not the only one out there. The thought of spending the next 20/40 years worrying like this is unbearable!
Any support grateful.

Have you thought about speaking to DD's teacher? He/she might be able to help to integrate DD socially. I'm sure they'll already have some discussions about friendship, so if he/she knows about your concerns, they could raise issues about leaving people out etc.. I don't know anyone with DC who hasn't worried about friends in some shape or form, so you are definitely not alone!

my daughter is the same at 8. Carry on inviting the other children possibly one at a time to your house or arrange to go to a play centre. Try and get her to mix with other children the best you can and invite them round for her to get to know.

Is she in any clubs, groups? Do the school have groups or anything outside of school?

I got a book called the unwritten rules of freindship which is realy great.

We feel for our kids though with this situation so i know what you are going through.

Good luck!!

Is there a Rainbow group or anything in the area you could get her to? DS1 is at a small village school, and I've noticed there's a lot less playing only with the children in his own class, and a lot more flow in the play of playing with children in the older or younger classes.

Could you try to invite friends plus mum & other siblings round? I know it's horrible when you don't know people and starting to get to know them, but DD can then see you setting a good role model (always good!) and the other mums can get to know you so may be more likely to involve you & DD in stuff.

I find as I don't live in the village or drive, DS seems to be left out of stuff, ie the casual 'Want to come round tonight?' that I did see with DS1 (different school), so I have to make more effort to invite people round. And of course one can't go up to other parents and say 'Can my child come round yours?'