I have a plan (and for once it doesn't involve stickers or penny jars)

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

Because they don't work on dd1. Brute force does. We seem to be having a power struggle at the moment and I have had enough after this morning.

She refused to get dressed again for dancing it didn't work this time. She was told once and then I decided I was far too tired and fed up to be dealing with this again so picked her up half naked off the changing room floor (she has a thing about rolling naked on the floor) put her over my lap with one leg on top of her and pulled her dance gear onto her. When she declared that she wouldn't be dancing today anyway I Picked her up off the floor and shoved into the class closing the door on her.

If she wants to sit in the corner and sulk that is her problem but she is not messing me about anymore. The same tatic is going to be used in the morning re school her uniform will be put on with physical force if necessary and since I can't carry a struggling dd1 and push dd2 dd1 will be strapped into the buggy so all her friends can laugh at her and I will carry dd2. She will have a set amount of time to eat her breakfast or she goes hungry, I am not spending half my da arguing and begging with a five year old to behave.

Thats my plan.

Tbh at the moment, dd has to get dressed before she can open her 'agit panda'(advent calendar).Bad bribing mummy

SheSells - not sure if this helps (and it depends how much of a TV addict she is), but we let the kids have TV on in the mornings ONLY when they've got dressed, had breakfast, tidied up and got their shoes on, coats on and bags on their bags ready to go. The quicker they're ready the more telly time they get.

That and I started allowing mega extra time for everything. So if I need to get out the house at 8.45, then at 8.15 I tell them to start tidying and at 8.30 to put their shoes/coats on. When we started out I was actually starting the "getting out" routine at 8am.

dses are 7 and 4 though, and ds2 really only cares because his brother hassles him constantly so he can get his telly time, so it may not be as effective with the younger ones.

I thought maybe I was preaching to the converted! What would she do if you just walked out of the house in the morning? My ds used to come running in his underwear when I revved the car engine - I started putting his clothes in the car after that. Now we walk so can;t do that anymore, but I have been halfway down the road with him squealing after me. It doesn;t really save time as I have to go back and lock the door anyway, but it gets him out of the house!

Getting changed for dancing is different as it;s not like school, not something she HAS to do. Could you say that she can;t do it unless she gets changed then leave her to decide? (assuming you are prepared to let her stop dancing if that's what she chooses)

Yup I have tried the tv thing and even the "come on the quicker you get dressed the more tv you can watch, we can even set off a few minutes late so that you can watch the end of Pepper Pig" but sadly she can't be that interested in Pepper and her friends. AFAI remember that suggestion was met with a blank stare followed by more dancing. Tying her legs together might help then she won't be able to dance. Though I suspect that may make it harder to get her tights on?

Yup, brute force and ignorance, as dh would say . I did a lot of that. And it worked.

The pretending to walk away without them never worked. Dd even at 2 was bright enough to work out that I couldn't really walk off and leave her in an outside place, and if we were taking her to playschool etc, then there would be no point in my going off without her.

And I had another compulsive dancer (would give anything to have her back- dd is now in a wheelchair )

She likes staying in the house on her own. I have never actually tried that threat over school but I don't think it would work. I try that one all the time over her coming to the shops with me, she just sits quite happily and continues whatever it was she doing and when I come back to get her she says "that was quick mummy, where's the shopping?".

Dancing she enjoys but yes she can leave whenever she wants as long as she actually wants to leav rather than "oh I'll go tommorrow" and then tommorrow comes and the answer is the same. All it is with dancing is that all of her friends are there and she would rather play with them than get dressed but we go straight from school so I can't dress her before we get there.

Sorry about your dd cory that must be hard

My ds was not that bright obviously cory!

Go for it i would say
and well done on being on time today

Something that i use for ds1 (2.5) is you can do it like a big boy or i'll do for you like a baby. that tends to work!

even without a baby in the house, can you try that too?

ps also i think some might misread your shopping post, i did!!
you didn't actually go shopping and leave her but quick reading it looks like that!

I am going to sound like I am just dismissing all your suggestions. But she enjoys being a baby sometimes. So that one works some days other days she just plays along with it with added babbling and requests for nappies. I have even threatened to tll her friends that she wants to wear nappies and likes acting like a baby. She told me all her friends wear nappies anyway

No I didn't actually go shopping without her. Though I have been sorely tempted at times. I stood outside to get some nicotine air and calm down before going back in and starting with the shouting, threatening and bribing again.

She is like a mini teenager atm she knows exactly what will wind me up and seems to enjoy doing it. Sometimes I think she enjoys being shouted at Shouting also has little to no effect on her. Nor does threatening to call Santa and tell him not to bring pressies (probably because she knows that would never happen).

This really is my last option as far as I can see. I'm hoping that fairly soon she will realise that there is no point in fighting me anymore because it is not going to upset or stress me out and that only one who will suffer for it will be her.

I think her recent downfall in behavior (I say recent it has actually been about two/three months) is to do with me starting work again but I don't want to leave work. I enjoy having my own money and a bit of time away from the house. I make sure that we spend lots of time doing things together when I am off i.e. I am taking her and her cousin to see High School Musical at the weekend. Normally we get a dvd and popcorn and she can stay up late, just me and her and DH goes to the pub.

Well hopefully it will sink in that you mean business!
even if it doesn't/or takes a while it doesn't matter as you'll still be getting to school on time/out of the house when you want to/etc. win-win

esp if you can talk to yourself in your head while you're doing it and she (undoubtedly) is complaining about her treatment so that you don't react to her, just get the job done!

Good luck!

(oh and sorry missed you do have a sibling! yes sometimes my ds1 agrees to being a baby, i just go along with it and make a huge deal out of my big baby, he tires of it after a few secs...so far anyway!)

cleversprout on Thu 11-Dec-08 11:24:51
"My ds was not that bright obviously cory!"

Mine was a little horror. When she was 2, her standard response to any utterance of mine was "How do you know? Did you read it in the papers? Did you read it in a book?".

Now she is 12, she seems to have come round to the view that Mum might actually have access to some sort of life experience. Perhaps we just did the teenage years early.