What would you do if..............................any suggestions please????

[samsmam]

My 2 year old daughter has just started nursery two afternoons a week and it has been hard to make her settle. People have now started to comment on how she has changed and she is not the same sociable happy little girl she used to be. She is so clingy to me and constantly looks me when she goes out. Shouting 'mummy' all the time. She won't even settle for her daddy and he is upset because when he is with her she constantly says 'no' to everything and asks for 'mummy do it' for most things.
Her sleep has been disrupted for months and has got worse since she started nursery, she routinely wakes up and because i have a sleeping 9 month old I get in to her bed or take her in our bed. Which is not really right on all aspects but to get some rest I give in and do it.
Is this a phase or do I take her out of nursery or how do I make her that happy little two year old I used to have?? Anyone have any ideas on what I should do or what you would do if you were me.
[I do work but I work 12 hour rotational shifts which is why I put in nursery so that somedays I had childcare, other days my mum does the child care but she works too.]

I think some of it is just normal. Lots of kids have a clingy phase - my ds certainly did, when he was two. The night waking, again I think is very normal at this age. I guess the world is an unsettling place for a 2 year old; they're tiny but they think alot! I do know waking at this age is very common though

So I wouldn't put it all down to nursery necessarily, but of course if you feel it is related you are right; you know her best.

What I would do if this were me is take her out if possible, as she's finding it hard to settle and is in a clingy phase. If she doesn't have to go then she doesn't have to go IYSWIM. Plenty of time later to try pre-school or something like that. Is it possible to take her out though - work wise?

I think she's just making up for not being with you by being extra clingy when she is... It's difficult but all you can do is give her lots of love and attention to make her feel nice and secure and hope that the phase passes. (Don't worry about the night thing that will only help her feel closer to you even if it does create bad habits or blah blah whatever that can be sorted our later)

Do you think she is happy at the nursery once you've gone? What do the staff say?

hmm... if I had the choice, I would probably take her out until she is a little bit older.

Sounds as though this will be hard for you, though. So, what do you think of the nursery? Are there any others that you think might suit her better?

The nursery is oneof the kinder group nurseries and it seems really nice- staff are really friendly. Yesterday was the first day she actually didn't cry when I took her in and she waved goodbye- she wasn't happy but she wasn't crying.
I want her to want my DP as much as she wants me, I work 12 hour shifts 8-8pm so somedays I don't even see her it is hard for him when he has to constantly battle with her cries for me.
I don't rely on the nursery for work all the time they respect the shifts I request but someday they may not and put me in for a day when I need nursery.... oh its so hard.

If possible, I would take her out of nursery for now.

My dd went through a similar phase at that age, she was already at nursery but suddenly became very clingy and reluctant to go. She was also bad at night having always been a sound sleeper - lots of bad dreams etc & we ended up moving her bed into our room for about 6 months. i think it's a developmental thing, becoming aware of the outside world a bit more and naturally not wanting to be apart from mummy. If you keep her on at nursery she'll probably come though it but I must say at the time if I'd had the option of taking dd out I'd probably have taken it as it made me feel so guilty .

I don't really think this is about the nursery though, I think it's about not knowing when she may or may not see you next, I am not being critical as that is your job and it has to be that way, and it must be really hard for you all.

Perhaps if she was more aware of what was coming that might help? So in really simple terms you could tell her where she's going, who's having her and what she'll be doing over the next 24 hour period, including that you will be away, but that you are coming back and when you do you can do x fun activity or whatever? Keep saying it so she gets used to the fact that what you say is true, and that when you go away you do actually come back?

How long have you been working for?

Only been working for seven weeks now before that she had a whole two years with me. My 9 month old DD is fine- prob because as long as she is being fed and cared for she doesn't mind yet.
I try and make fun around my work times and have to leave the housework to concentrate just on DD1 and 2. I only work 2 and 3 12 hour shifts alternate weeks but I guess with nursery its enough to unsettle her. I just don't know what to do for the best.

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I think it is probably more about you not being there all the time, if it's only been 7 weeks it's all still so new to her, bless her. She just needs to get used to it, perhaps others will have more helpful suggestions about hwo to do that?

I also think it's a difficult age - my dd1 was always so happy to go to anyone, would never bat an eyelid when I left her at nursery, then at 2.5 she started peering through the window after me forlornly and it was heartbreaking. People used to tell me that when they went in she was playing happily and that was a few minutes later. I think she just became more aware of me leaving.

I do think that nursery is a really good thing in the long run though, especially if only for a couple of sessions a week. It's so sociable and there are new toys and people and stimulation and I think all those things are great for them, especially when combined with nice cosy time at home with you and your dp which it sounds like you have got.

We have had a tiny breakthrough- DD1 now wakls in to nursery holding my hand and kisses me goodbye, she does cry for the first ten minutes but then stops. May be she has realised that we do actually go back for her! Hopefully soon she will be waving me goodbye and be happy to be there!
Just need to sort out the sleeping, is it right at this age to bring her bed back in to our room so that I can actually get a whole nights sleep, only thing is DP's alarm goes off at 4am and mine at 6am. We tried the pick up, put down method for over 1hr 30min the other night and because of needing sleep for work we had to give up!

I think you should do whatever gets you the most sleep so if that means putting her bed in your room then do that for now you can always make a big fuss of her and put new exciting things in her room when you want to try to move her back.

Does she wake up when the alarms go off at the moment? She may just sleep through it. Is she waking often or just no t settling back down?

Am really glad she's improving at nursery that sounds like a good start!

She does not settle back down. unless I am laying next to her and we fallen in to a bit of a trap.