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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Much happier with co-sleeping - but will DD ever sleep alone if I do?

28 replies

tenacityflux · 07/12/2008 16:39

My DD is 9 weeks old and after a very manic start I have found that her constant need to feed all night is only do-able if we co-sleep but I am being told by HV's and all that if I do, she'll never learn to sleep on her own and will be in our bed until she's 5 - I do want her to go to her own bed but am hoping that when she weans off full time breast milk I can also wean her off co-sleeping as a whole deal. At the moment she sleeps in her crib from 7/8-ish till 11 dream feed, and if she falls asleep goes back to her bed till 2.30/3 and then we co sleep until 8 am - this helps me get some sleep and I am coping better with her now, any thoughts/advice would be great. I have finally got onto all BF after a difficult start and don't want anything to interrupt that after all our hard work!

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Overmydeadstuffedturkey · 07/12/2008 16:44

DS co-slept with me full time till he was about 3, then he would start off the night in his own bed and invariably come into mine, and by the time he was sleeping through the night he would stay in his bed all night, without me ever having to force him or struggle.

He's now nearly 6 and is back to co-cleeping, but only through our circumstances, we are living in a temporary flat that is freezing and I decided we'd be warmer sharing a bed and it would give him the extra security he needed in an unsettled time.

I think if you feel it's what you want to do, and you are happy with it, it's fine.

It's only really a problem if it doesn't work for you (and your partner if you have one). But in my experience it's relatively easy to move form co-cleeping to sleeping independantly.

I love hugging up to DS's sleeping warm mass at night

Overmydeadstuffedturkey · 07/12/2008 16:46

I also found, that by co-cleeping, after a while I wouldn't wake up when DS needed a feed in the night, just flopping a boob out in my sleep and latch him on as soon s he stirred.

slim22 · 07/12/2008 16:48

don't worry.

Breaking the habit is more your pblm than hers.

Whenever YOU are ready to cope with shush/patting her to sleep in her own cot rather than just cuddling/feeding her in your bed so YOU can get some rest will be when.

you'll just learn to sleepwalk like the rest of us

Santaisfeelingfunnypeculiar · 07/12/2008 16:48

dd has always settled herself at first, but co-slept with us when and if she wakes in the night. She has always been great at self settling (much better than ds who never co-slept) She does still come in with us sometimes now & she is 2.5. She started sleeping through at 18 mths (the same age as ds...) I'm pretty sure it'd be easy to stop not, but I LOVE it - I was actually gutted when she started sleeping through.
If you are all happy with it, then go for it. Re-evaluate it when YOU are ready to do so.

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 07/12/2008 16:49

We don't officially co-sleep - i.e. Ds has always had his own bed but when he was tiny and bf he often slept in our bed, and now he's 2.5 he climbs in with us if he's ill or unsettled. But we never had any problems getting him into his own bed despite him being in with us almost constantly when BF.

If you like it and it makes life easier, then ignore all the people with their dire warnings and their 'making a rod for your own back' nonsense.

NappiesGaloriaInExcelsis · 07/12/2008 16:51

i co slept with mine and they all sleep in their own beds quite happily

CharCharGaboriaInExcelsisDeo · 07/12/2008 16:53

I coslept full time with DD when she was teeny. At 16 months she now starts of in her cot and comes in with us in the early hours. She was spending all night in her cot, but a spate of illness and teething has disrupted it. Agree with OMDB, I haven't woken up for ages when DD wanted feeding. I used to wake up a bit and latch her on, now I wake up in the morning with my top pulled up and DD sprawled out on top of me I'm confident we won't have a problem with DD moving to her cot/bed fulltime when we're ready

Sallyallyally · 07/12/2008 16:53

DD slept with us until she was 3 1/2 then fell in love with a princess bed and wanted to sleep on her own! No problems. DS is 21 months old and sleeps with us. don't think the princess bed will work with him, but am confident he will leave before the teenage years! Only drawback seems to be waking up with a foot up my nose

scattyspice · 07/12/2008 16:56

DS started sleeping through the night in his own bed of his own accord at 3.5. DD is 3.8 and still comes into my bed most nights.

MarsLady · 07/12/2008 16:57

Of course she'll be out of your bed. I co-slept with mine and none of them sleep with me now.

I think it's important that you get sleep when they are tiny.

MrsGokWan · 07/12/2008 17:07

Oh! what utter tosh from your health visitors.

I have co-slept with all 3 of mine, exactly the same pattern as you do with your DC and they have all been in their own cots and rooms sleeping though by the time they are one. We rarely have to get up in the night with them unless they are ill. My DC3 has just gone into his own bed and loves it.

snigger · 07/12/2008 17:11

We co-slept with DD1 till she was 19 mths-ish iirc, and she basically toddled off to her own bed of her own accord (I was, however, a lot pregnant and prone to wind, so read into that what you will)DD2 was a different character entirely and never 'took' to co-sleeping, she always settled better in her cot abutting the bed.

I would'nt stress over it, you'll find a rhythm that works for you, and when it simply doesnt work anymore you'll move into a pattern that does, I genuinely believe that.

I think the extra sleep and contentment all round is so valuable - I doubt very much you'll be sharing in four years time, but just relish it now if it's working

Happy sighs all round

Sputnik · 07/12/2008 17:50

Our DD coslept until she was approaching 3, then we set her up her own room and bed. She asked to sleep there

littlelamb · 07/12/2008 18:01

It will be fine. My ds is 6 months (tomorrow!) and has just started to sleep in his cot, and very happily too. He sleeps much better in his cot. I do wonder how much of this is down to introducing a few solids in the last week or two. I am surprised at the HV comments tbh. Pretty much everyone I know co sleeps to some extent (though with attitudes like that you can see why some people wouldn't admit it) and I think its the best thing to get breast feeding established tbh- after ds feeding all day, if I'd had to get up in the night to feed too I'd have been a wreck. Dd also co slept and sleeps happily in her own bed. She did come on wiht me last night because she has chicken pox but it is very rare these days. It's so special though, don't let the HV put you off

swanriver · 07/12/2008 20:35

Co-sleeping worked fine for us, and all kids now sleep happily in their own beds. We just put them in their own beds when we felt they were happier there. For the first ds 6 months, the twins 6 months and two years respectively. The time will come when you just know they are more peaceful, and less distracted/restless in their own bed. Co-sleeping from 2.30 as you describe helped my breastfeeding immeasurably in those first 6 month. I think that some babies can be very sucky and go on drip-feeding for comfort when they co-sleep in a way that can be very tiring for the mother at say 9 months, but nine weeks is so little, it seems completely natural to co-sleep. Watch out for overheating tho, with duvets. It's much hotter for a baby under one because they can't stick their arms/legs out when they want to, like an adult would. I used to have two duvets, one for each adult, and the baby had its own separate bedding in the middle of the double bed, eg: cotton baby sleeping bag, and cellular blanket. Is this what your HV is worried about?

LurkerOfTheUniverse · 07/12/2008 20:44

well, my dd was nearly 6 when she finally slept all night in her own bed

but don't let that put you off

lisa34 · 07/12/2008 20:58

co-sleeping worked for us as well - my ds slept with us from day 1 and eventually left our bed when he was 5!! had to buy a king size bed to accommodate him but who cares he had lots of snuggies from us and felt safe and secure - you do what's best for you and your baby

onwardandoutward · 07/12/2008 21:03

A health visitor dispensing crap rubbish advice???? Tell me it aint so!!!!

More co-sleepers here, and moving child to own bed can be a gentle and non-coercive continuum when the time is right for both them and you

KnickKnackNaNollaig · 07/12/2008 21:08

My 2 ex-cosleepers are now 5 and 6 and are the best sleepers in the world go to bed without a fuss, not a peep out of them for 11hrs each night.
I would do it again in a heart beat (in theory, as I dont plan on having more kids )

Gorionine · 07/12/2008 21:26

I co-slept with all my 4DCs for about two years each. I really cannot remember how we introduced the "night in their own bed" to them, I suppose it means it was not a traumatic experience for any of us. While Bfeeding, I would not have had it any other way.

ThingOne · 07/12/2008 21:26

Whatever you do now, once they can get out of their own be children can easily get into their parents' bed in the middle of the night anyway! So your child could sleep boringly in a cot for two years and then start wandering at night. So don't worry about the crap the HV is spouting - I bet her children have been in her bed at some point, most people's are - and just get on with bringing up your baby your way.

And buy a bigger bed .

Gorionine · 07/12/2008 21:41

Bigger bed definitely a good advice!

grumpalina · 07/12/2008 21:50

Co slept with both of mine. No issues with DS1 who went to his own bed at six months and after 1 little blip at about 18months stayed there.

DS2 now aged 4.6 still comes marching into our bedroom in the middle of the night trailing his fleecy blanket with him. I do not sleep well with anyone in the bed (including DP. Love it when he is working away!!)so for me it is a PITA. Quite often I end up in DS2's bed otherwise I won't get any sleep.

I did ask him why he always comes into bed with me but when he goes to to Grannie and Grandad's he stays in his own bed all night. 'Well,'he said'Your bed is just soooooooooo big and grannie and grnadad's is teeny tiny so there's no room for me!' Now considering getting a smaller bed!

admysteltoe · 07/12/2008 21:55

We co-slept with both dc but when ds was 15 months I had dd so we had her baby cot right next to my side of the bed, ds in the middle and dh on the outside. I remember at some point we had a single bed in our room too (was a big room) and we would lift ds into it at night or I would go in it with dd to breastfeed her and sleep.

They went into their own beds but in our room at some point and when we moved house they got their own room and never even questioned the fact that they wouldn't be with us! Infact it was harder for me being in a different room and not hearing them constantly - felt really empty in our big double bed.

Original poster

tenacityflux · 07/12/2008 21:58

Thank you - I have a king sized bed so we should be ok for a while (Until she's 16 at least...)I tend not to cover her at all and cover one half of me, I am such a warm person I heat for two anyway! I have read everything I can find about co-sleeping so hope I am being as safe as possible. I think that I will try and encourage her into her own room hopefully before she is one, at least starting the night that way so me and DH can have some mummy and daddy time which for now has been relegated to the sofa (must remember to draw the curtains...) But as DD only wants to feed lying down at the moment - today saw me lying under a tree in the park as I got my timing wrong and she got hungry when I was miles from home - bed works for now. Not sure I shall be carrying on BF after 6 months but not closed to the idea, I just always assumed that was when you stopped before finding mumsnet!MY HV also tried to undermine my using a baby sling, and is an advocate of CC, aren't they all? All stories gratefully read!

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