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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is it normal that my baby doesn't want to know me and wants daddy?

14 replies

Pillow · 04/12/2008 23:43

I'm a WOHM with a very hours-intensive job. My DS, who is one, goes to nursery three days a week, has a childminder one day and DH the other. DH is a student. I'm a lawyer and work really long hours. I have a great time with DS over the weekend, but more and more it feels like he forgets me over the course of the week. He is very clingy to me over the weekend and won't go to his dad if I'm there. But its completely the reverse in the week. When I come home from work and try and have a cuddle he doesn't want to know. He just wants his dad. And tonight he really got upset when I tried to take him for a cuddle, so I left him with DH. But then I lay down on the couch with them to have a cuddle without moving him from DH and he kept pushing my face away and saying no no. He's not very well at the moment (teething and conjunctivitis). Its upsetting and I now think I'm doing everything wrong. But we can't function financially without me doing this job.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

wrinklytum · 04/12/2008 23:46

Don't worry they all go through a "Daddy" phase It will pass xx

Original poster

Pillow · 04/12/2008 23:55

Thanks! Is it a general thing? I can't help thinking its because he spends so much more time with his dad.

OP posts:

wrinklytum · 05/12/2008 00:01

Well given a straw poll of about 5 we all went through it.I dunno about the SAHD situation but honestly?There is no one like Mummy at the end of the day(Daddy too,but it doesn't make you any less important)

SnowballsintheSky · 05/12/2008 00:01

I don't think it matters who they spend most time with. I'm still on mat leave with dd (nearly 11 months) so I'm with her all day every day. As soon as DH walks in she abandons me completely and won't give me a second glance. I go back part time in Jan so it'll be interesting to see how she treats me then

Original poster

Pillow · 05/12/2008 00:04

See Snowballs, I thought it would be like that with us - I am the equivalent of your DH I guess. But when I come in the door, my DS just wants his dad more.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pillow · 05/12/2008 00:06

By the time of the weekend, DS can't be separated from me. This is odd, no? The extremes of it?

OP posts:

Quattrocento · 05/12/2008 00:06

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY

Or rejected. I've always worked and there have been times when my DCs have done the same. Just rejoice that they have strong bonds with other people. It's great that your DH has a good relationship with your DS. There'll be times when they want and need you too.

My DCs love me lots and I have always worked stupidly hard. Don't worry.

HTH

TheFallenMadonna · 05/12/2008 00:09

It'll definitely pass. DS did this to me when I went back to work when he was 14 mo. I was in bits. We got through it Still loves his Dad though

Original poster

Pillow · 05/12/2008 00:16

Oh thanks Quattro and Madonna. I don't want DS to want me over his dad and I'm so pleased that DH has had the chance to spend time with him. But the pushing my face away was heartbreaking.

OP posts:

SnowballsintheSky · 05/12/2008 08:20

Oh God I didn't mean to make you feel worse . What I meant to add was that if I go out or DH takes her to PIL for the day to give me some peace, DD blanks me when she gets back but doesn't do that to DH when he comes in from work.

OblomovOYeFaithful · 05/12/2008 08:28

my sils children have always preferred daddy. The 'phase' is still ongoing.

shootRudolphinthehip · 05/12/2008 08:28

As a SAHM I had the opposite. My DD would howl when my DH went to work and for several periods during the day. When DH was home I really was persona non grata. This went on until she was about 20mths. I always felt excluded as they had this bond that didn't seem to extend as far as me. It did calm down and we now get on really well (when we're not arguing!! She's 4 ffs!!). It has left me with a bit of sometimes now as she plays on the close bond with her Dad.

Kids can be so cruel without any real intention.

AndaPartridgeOnADustyTv · 05/12/2008 08:31

DD went through a phase like this. She was okay with me when DH was out at work but as soon as he came in she didn't want me anywhere near her

But now she wants me and only me, she wont go to her daddy at all

I think they just go through phases like this.

Incidently when my dad is here no one gets a look in WRT DD as the only person she wants is him

julietbat · 05/12/2008 09:57

Partridge - my dd is like that too! when my dad's around, if i try to take her off him she cries like her heart is breaking! he's the only male she knows with a beard - don't know if that's got anything to do with it...?

Pillow - my dd (9 months old) can be a little like your ds (although i have to admit not quite to that extreme). it seems that whoever has seen her more on any weekday she clings to and doesn't want the other parent. weekends are entirely different for some strange reason. but if i happen to work late one day and dp picks her up from grandparents/nursery she doesn't really want to know about me when i get home. I get a very excited cuddle when i walk through the door but then it's back to playing with dp as if i don't exist! I think probably if you don't react to his pushing you away but consistently and gently try to get cuddles every so often, you will succeed eventually.

don't forget it's possibly just his way of communicating with you that he's missed you while you've been at work. he's definitely not in any way rejecting you (alhtough it must feel like that).

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