Worried sick about my 6 year old boy

[SERIOUSMUM]

I am new to Mumsnet....I have just returned from dropping my son off at school to be pulled in by the teacher to inform me he said "f* off" in class yesterday.
In the last year he has become very aggressive and the night before last he called his dad a bloody idiot. I think we a normal family and both my children have a stable life but it alls seems to be going incredibly wrong.............

oh sweetheart (((((((((()))))))))))
is he picking up on an atmosphere? i only say this because dd is the same, kids are very good at picking up on atmospheres.
or maybe he is being picked on? that can also cause changes in behaviour.
x

oh and welcome to mn

DS1 went through a ghastly phase in yr 2, too. Just as I thought things were on an even keel and my very active toddler was maturing into a sensible school boy!! There is a lot of pressure on them to settle into school and be good, in year 1. I wonder if the novelty wears off in year 2 and some of that repressed energy and bounce comes out as naughty/aggressive behaviour?

He told me to F* off which was totally out of character for him. He became aggressive with friends too, and seemed to lose a lot of social skills. He was far worse when tired/overwraught, and although he seemed to have outgrown Christmas excitement a bit, the build up to Christmas at school involves lots of hype, is bound to affect them.

Be firm on your boundaries. Plan ahead on discipline and have appropriate sanctions worked out which will register with him. (DS1, aged 6, totally out of the blue, and out of character, spat at a visitor!!! He still recalls spending the next 4 hours alone in his room.) But don't assume that everything is going wrong for you. This may well just be another phase, and with some clear boundaries and lots of love, he will be back on track sooner or later

(DS1, aged 8, is wonderful again now. Not perfect, but a happy chap, healthily naughty on occasions, but well within expectations)

Best of luck

What do you mean by an atmosphere? My theory is that his mates say those words and as my son is a bit of a class clown he takes it upon himself to repeat it in class.....I literally got in the car and cried all the way home

Can you phone school and ask for their help - please do say how upset you feel as this is such a shock to you.

Yep - he's is picking up on words and phrases he is hearing from his friends in school. You are not doing anything wrong. My DS is in Yr1 now and I have noticed a definite change (for the worse) in attitude.
Don't get too upset - just remind him that these are not nice words and that he will get into trouble for saying them in school AND at home.
Believe me - he will not be the only one behaving like this.

Feel like everything went down hill with him since he started school....was a lovely placid, kind boy and now just changing into a class clown, liar and angry little boy...wish I could just switch off

To make matters worse I am training to be a TA and am working in his class 2 mornings a week

It's not good, but neither is it the end of the world.

If you can, I would try to

• schedule a meeting with his teacher - find out how concerned she/he is - is this a one-off or are they generally worried about his behaviour? It makes it clear you are taking it seriously and gives you a chance to agree on a joint home/school approach to any underlying problems.

• sit DS down without his sibling (ideally with you and his Dad) and do the 'serious talk' thing. Whilst they can be incredibly immature, 6yo boys can also surprise you in the opposite direction. In desperation, I asked mine how he thought we should punish him as nothing we came up with seemed to have much effect. He suggested an end-of-week reward (time playing golf with DH) which he would lose for misbehaviour. So far it seems to have worked reasonably well.

• don't panic (far easier said than done!)

He had a behaviour book in Year1 and the school, him and us decided together he had improved and therefore would not need that this year....he was proud of that and we saw an improvement with new teacher and new class.....he seems to want to impress someone and lacks the confidence to be his own person and chooses to be the boy that everyone thinks is funny...he is exceptionally bright and the teacher challenges him with his work...but the behavior is getting worse

So might the idea of having to go back to having a behaviour book be the kick he needs, do you think?

seriousmum - firstly welcome to Mumsnet . You have foudn the right place for support and advice .

i would'nt worry too much about this. At roughtly same age - mayb eone year older my ds heard and started using some bad language. I explained to him that this would not be tolerated in our house ( in a quiet non shouty way though) and that it was rude and vulgar. He continuend to be fascinated with it for a short tme before becoming bored with it and no longer mentions these words.

Lots of sympathy, my ds, now in Yr2 has been very aggressive, the school has set up a little group, training him with social skills and apparently they can now play a game with him without him becoming frustrated and angry. He has called me an idiot before. I think Yr2 is very hard, they step the pressure up at school and my ds certainly found the change and hard work very difficult. He was having frustrated agressive rages, but a star chart seemed to help, with a reward at the end of the week, with plenty of praise when he's polite and doesn't hit. I'm sure it will all get better for you.

A friend has had something similar - her six-year-old cannot stand his family and is constantly rude and aggressive. She has done pretty much the same as the other posters. One thing she did say though was that boys get a testosterone surge at this age which could account for some of the aggression.