how do you deal with lying without 'going postal' as I did this morning[blush]....I even cried on DS2's teacher.......and am so angry I want to leave!!!

[psychohohohoho]

seriously, DS1 is driving me insane, and I just don;t know how to get thro to him without either hitting him (I haven't, altho I am so angry today I was 'this close'

awh, no real advice but feeling your pain this morning. I 'went postal' this morning for the mundane reason of DS1 not putting his socks on!

How about reading Peter and the Wolf to him (in a really menacing way ?

aw, thankyou. Flame came and dragged me out for coffee to calm me down, altho I am still cross!

I will have to hunt down the story.....I couldn;t remember the name of it TBH, but it would be a very good way of starting to get thru to him.

How old is he?
Is it "The girl who cried wolf"?
Depends on his age really how to talk about it.

I'd talk to him calmly, when you feel calm.

I would tell him that every time he lies you trust him less and explain what trust is. Tell him that trust has to be earned and that at the moment you don't believe anything he says and you want to believe him because he will tell you important stuff and one day you just won't believe him.

Explain to him that you might be cross if he admits to doing a bad thing, like breaking something, but that you will get over it and you still love him whatever he does.

But that every time he lies it makes you feel so bad that you can no longer trust him.

Use guilt

Dd1 was like this, but has got a bit better as she has got older.

She is 11 now, but when she was about 8/9 she lied about a teacher, to me, to her friends, to another teacher. I was gobsmacked, especially as she'd let me go in and speak to the teacher and basically make a complaint.

This poor teacher was in tears over the allegation.

I was so angry when it all came out that I couldn't even look at dd at all and when i did I went ape at her.

I made her go into school and aplogise to her own teacher and more importantly to the teacher she'd accused, who was lovely enough to tell dd it was fine, give her a hug and then cry again.

Have you made him apologise ?? Dd wasn't alone in the alegation she made, but the other girls parents didn't punish their dd or make her apologise to the teacher involved which I thought was disgusting.

Tbh I have no managed to convince dd1 that I know when she is lying, and actually I do, as her face gives her away.

She seems to have accepted this and now doesn't lie as much.

She has certainly never told such a huge lie since.

he is 8.

twig thankyou, yes being calm will help.

I will go for the guilt. I did tell him (well, shouted) this morning that I was getting less able to trust him, and his face was so sad, so I think yes, the guilt is the way to go.

I just need calmness rather than stress!

yes, I did make him say sorry, which they appreciated as many parents don;t (they obviously have this happen with other children, my son isn;t the first, nor will he be the last).

He was genuinely sorry over it, but it is the fact that still this morning he was lying to me about small stuff, hence me losing my temper so badly.

yes, it works best in that oasis of calm when you are talking seriously with love

DS can't stand my sensitive, sincere approach

Ooohh, I know exactly how you feel. DS1 is really bad for lying just now, sometimes over the silliest of things, but most often it involes 'soandso called me this, x hit me, y kicked me....' but after me going on a rant about how terrible these other children are it turns out ds1 has done something first equally as bad.

Or something small and silly like, who knocked their juice over, which he'll deny, try to blame on ds2, and then it all gets blown out of proportion and becomes this big thing with him ending up getting grounded,when if he'd jsut have said 'I did' it would have been 'well next time clean it up, don't just leave it'

We're trying to get through to him just now that he's getting into more trouble for lying, than he would have done for just admitting he's done something.

What did the school say?

ok, oasis of calm and love......will keep that in my head and hope it works as well.

TIMDI......school were actually very good, as it was not as tho he had lied about something that had never happened, (he WAS punched very badly in the mouth), but it was the lying about who did it, so I actually think they were more concerned that DS1 was scared about telling the truth, and it got too big for him to take back IYGWIM.

when it became apparent that it was his friend, and he was not wanting his friend to get into trouble, of course they stayed sympathetic but tried to tell him that lying about who it is, and trying to get someone else into trouble, and of course them wasting so much time over it all, was a Bad Thing. He looked and sounded genuinely sorry, so I truly believe that he is (and the school have been wonderful about it all.......it was all sorted last night with everyone), but what with that, and now the continuation of the lying at home is getting all too much for me now.

He NEEDS to stop, as I am losing trust, and if someone really does start bullying him he won;t be believed, which could end up being awful. And I don;t like to think that he thinks lying is the way to get by in life. If you make a mistake, own up for it. I am scary, but surely not that scary.

the others don;t lie to thins extent, even at that age when they do go thru a lying stage (all kids do so I have found. It is a natural stage of development, but they should grow out of it by now).