School expressing concern about ds1's behaviour - what's normal for a 6 year old boy?

[ProblemsProblems]

My ds1 LOVES school but sadly I don't think they love him quite so much!

I got called in last week to see the head of year - she is concerned about ds1's behaviour.

She said that in class he is absolutely fine - because he is absorbed in books or tasks. But outside, so in assembly or at playtime, he is fidgety - he won't sit still or play quietly.

I asked her to specify, because to me that sounds quite normal for a 6 yo. Her concerns are:

• he doesn't seem to have any sense of danger, so will throw himself off the climbing frame or climb up stuff he's not meant to climb up;

• he can't seem to understand he's done anything wrong and when they tell him off he won't make eye contact;

• he fidgets constantly in assembly or at lunchtime and won't sit still.

I can recognise all of those elements at home, but I just don't see them as a huge problem. But I had a real feeling she was "angling" for some kind of "diagnosis" of problem behaviour. She says he isn't naughty or disruptive, but he needs constant supervision outside the classroom.

I'd be interested in whether anyone thinks this is normal for a 6 yo or not. On the plus side, he is bright, chatty and sociable. I'm getting very concerned that he's going to lose his enjoyment of school and we'll end up with a real problem. Thanks.

I would try to give him as much opportunity as possible to run, climb, shout, etc outide of school.

My ds is in a similar situation i.e. small school, very little playground to run around in.

We walk to school as much as we can, go to the playground after school, etc.

There is a very active child in ds' class and it was suggested by his ot that it might be beneficial to get him to jump on a trampoline for a while before going to school.

Another thing to try in assembly or situations where he has to sit still is a squashy/stress ball for him to 'play with'. These often help children focus there need for movement and allow them to listen.

I don't know much about adhd but would have thought, if he had this, he would find it difficult to focus in class too.

If you moved your kids to the village school maybe they'd be more likely to keep it open?! Anyway, really hope it all sorts itself out.

ah.

The rota in the playground would make some sense on some levels, ie our school's reception playground has a climbing frame which is used on a rota basis as 60 children on one climbing frame just wouldn't work, so it's done for fairness purposes and a bit of health and safety.

But the structure sounds completely ott IMO. Play time should be just that - play time. If teachers want to organize games that children can join in with if they so choose then obviously that's their perogative, but equally children should be allowed time to just run around and be children.

problemsproblems What did your GP say?

My DD's traditional, academic (yes, private) school took years to accept that my DD had a problem - even though they put her into mind gym in yr1!

Despite OT/ED P reports specifing a dyspraxic profile, with a touch of dyslexia and dyscalculia thrown in for good measure, I still struggle to ensure she is correctly supported and enabled.

Well GP just asked a lot about his general development, sleep, eating etc., asked him some questions about whether he liked school, about his friends. And basically said in his experience children with problems tend to exhibit them in more than one setting, they tend not to be able to switch on and off - ds1 was sat there quietly and calmly with a book the whole time, he felt unlikely there was a serious issue.

He also said we/school should beware of trying to fit a child into a diagnosis especially at such a young age. Fair comment I thought. Suggests we speak further to the school about what they are really concerned about, which we will do. And ultimately gave some good advice about schools generally and said we should really seriously think about whether its the right school.

So a bit depressing really as it would be very difficult to change schools for one child and not the other. But he gave us some good advice I thought.

Fair point ScummyMarx, its a chicken and egg because the village school has been rumoured to be closing for at least the last 5 yrs, so people don't enrol, its in a crumbling victorian building and has no modern facilities plus high staff turnover, so its reputation gets poorer each year - which in turn makes it more vulnerable for closure.

Would prefer to move nearer the better primaries in the district, we could afford to move but would be a big decision.

Never easy, is it?