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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Imaginary friend - how to handle?

10 replies

MogTheFestiveCat · 02/12/2008 19:40

DS1 is 2.9 and has recently developed an imaginary friend called Ted. He likes to carry him round, set a place for him at the table, chat to him etc.

Am not at all worried about it, and think it is really quite sweet, but a few times he has got v upset when I have sat in a chair ("Ted's in that chair!") or used a bowl ("That's Ted's bowl!") and not sure of the best way to handle it - apologise for sitting in the chair/using the bowl, or tell him that Mummy can't see Ted, only he can? Or something else?

Don't want to excessively fuel the whole thing, but nor do I want to try to deny Ted's existence, as it's such a harmless thing.

Just wondered if anyone had any tips!

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Lemontart · 02/12/2008 19:51

I struggled with exactly your sentiments. In the end I went along with my DD?s friends (she had several at different times rather than one particular friend). I treated it as role play and kept it light hearted, feeding pretend food etc and talking about it as "playing" to try to keep her in touch with it as a game rather than "really real" as my DD1 would say

BroccoliSpears · 02/12/2008 19:51

When I accidentally sit on 'Amella' and get in to trouble I just say something along the lines of "No I didn't, Amella jumped out of the way before I sat down" and that's that. I think I sort of treat Amella the same way I treat dd - I wouldn't be dictated to by dd as to where I sit or which bowl I use, so I wouldn't pander to Amella's demands either.

Lemontart · 02/12/2008 19:54

Has he started to use his friends to get what he wants yet?
My DD1 tried all sorts of clever stuff like "XXX says I have been so good I can have a biscuit mummy!" and "XXX doesn?t want to go to preschool today and so I am going to stay home with XXX and look after her"
It all died down roughly when she started school or the summer before. She found she didn?t need them anymore I guess.
Strangely fascinating to observe as a parent, although I do remember also spending a lot of time driving DH mad over analysing it all!

onthewarpath · 02/12/2008 20:18

We had that with DD1 (funny hoe we all seem to sit on tese poor imaginary friends ) pretty much took the same approach as Broccoli Kranita and Kranuta (how imaginative) used to live in holes under the carpet and mysteriously moved out one day.

i was told that having an imaginary friend is a sign of being a bright child.

onthewarpath · 02/12/2008 20:22

Sorry, hijack alert :,LOL to Lemontart DS3 has been almost back to his old self, still a bit edgy sometimes but no more OTT behaviour like stealing.

katsh · 02/12/2008 20:31

I took much the same approach as Broccoli with dd1's "monkey" and dd2's sugar, pepper and fishfinger! tbh they mostly gave me a good laugh - it's hard to take life too seriously when you are helping an imaginary monkey to climb down from a ceiling light fitting, by holding a broom up to him whilst a 2 yr old shouts up a bit, down a bit directions at you

roisin · 02/12/2008 20:38

these threads always make me all misty-eyed. ds1 had an imaginary friend called Sophie, who had a grandma who is in a wheelchair and was sometimes with us too ...

Anyways Sophie was around on and off for about 18 months, then suddenly one morning we realised we had heard nothing of her for quite a few days, and we never did since.

I guess that was about 7.5 years ago now
On a positive note ds1 is still incredibly imaginative and creative, so maybe Sophie helped him with that.

Original poster

MogTheFestiveCat · 02/12/2008 20:49

All of this really useful, thanks!

It hadn't occurred to me that DS1 might use Ted as a bargaining chip. But luckily it doesn't seem to have occurred to DS1 yet, either And maybe it can cut both ways - "Ted is eating the spinach, DS1 - he says you should eat yours, too". Worth a try...

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basementbear · 03/12/2008 12:59

DS2 has an imaginary friend (he doesn't have a name but he does Judo!) He's never asked to set a place for him at table at home but funnily enough sometimes if we go out to eat, he says his friend needs a chair. So I tell him he can sit on his invisible one and DS2 seems to accept this! I think it is quite cute and as he has never used his friend as a bargaining tool I just humour him

ShauntheSheep · 03/12/2008 13:08

Dd had an imaginary friend who lived in the garden but didnt actually come in or do anything with us. She then got a doll called Arabelle from grandad and now Arabelle has become that imaginary friend. She rarely plays with Arabelle but they go on great imaginary adventures together cos Arabelle is 16 and dd is her mum.

I think that children use imaginary friends as a safe way to express ideas, feeling and thoughts they have about the world and its no bad thing at all.

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