I dont understand....

[coochybottom]

why my twin boys are so good at school and yet such a handful at home. I feel like I must be going wrong somewhere. Can anyone shed some light on this please? I am totally worn out by them!

My son was like this last year. He is very sensitive and gets overstimulated easily. It was finally explained to me thusly "He can hold it together at school but it takes a huge effort so he loses it at home. Kind of like when you have a bad day at work and come home and vent at your husband". Now that I understood Ds1's behavior is at such an extreme that he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and has gone through occupational therapy to help. We're still working on it but I have seen improvement in some areas.

I feel like they jolly know how to behave but choose not to at home. I am constantly anxious not knowing how they will be from one day to the next.

My Dd gets glowing reports at school. They spend all day being good, if they can't let off steam at home where can they. Also they know you love them unconditionally
If they behaved at home and misbehaved at school then you should be worried.

I have just seen on another thread about highly sensitive people. Took the test and it definately is me. Dont reckon that helps!

What Christywhisty said

What is the best way to deal with it? I feel like I cant cope. I did not have this problem with my older DS.

If you are highly sensitive there is a good chance they are too. Add to that the whole twin thing...I would recommend reading the Highly Sensitive Child for starters.

How old are the twins?

How good are you at consistency?

Do you set boundries etc?

I have twin boys aged 13.5 and another of almost 10 and they are exactly the same, although as they get older it's changed a bit. However, try and think how you'd feel if they behaved "out" as they do at home! I smile grimly when people say "what lovely, well behaved boys" (and am secretly thrilled!), and think "if only you knew". Much better that they behave well at school and out of the house, exhausting though it can be. I've also noticed that the three fight like mad at home, but when out and there are other children they stick up for each other and behave like loving brothers which I really like. We can't be good all of the time, and it's better to be good in public is how I look at it!

They have just turned 6. I try hard to be consistent and set boundaries but they like to push & push and I am exhausted. I think my husband could do with being stricter and he is trying. It just doesnt feel normal. The school arent interested because they are the "golden" boys there and my GP just thinks it is cos they are boys. I am fed up of feeling like I am going round in circles constantly feeling anxious. Thanks for all your replies so far. They even overwhelm my older DS and you cant get much more laid back than him.

"and my GP just thinks it is cos they are boys."
Really Did your gp say that?

If it's any help, I always took it as a good sign that my children behaved well at school. As someone else said it does show that they know how to behave well. It would be a problem if the misbehaviour was outside as well as at home.
Of course that doesn't help much when you are on the receiving end. Have you spoken to them and told them how difficult it makes things and how tired and upset it makes you? If you have, what do they say?
I've found that talking to mine when they are in a receptive mood helps as I remind them when they get 'over-boisterous'.
If they are acting up together, seperate them.
Do they do any sporting activities, that might help them get rid of some energy.

I think(having had this before with my own ds) school is an unknown quantity and home is well,,,,, home you are free!!!!!!
the restraints of school rules and more than 1 person to please makes them behave better at school also some kids just like routine.

They are only just seeming to consider my feelings. They are so wrapped up in each other they either dont notice or seem to care. Although they are in the same class at school they do separate and I feel this is the key but find it impossible at home as they are attracted to each other like magnets. They go to tennis club, have just started Beavers and do swimming lessons every week. They have boundless energy and enthusiasm which I just cant keep up with!

Just seen your message sparkle. We do feel they like the rules and routine of school.

Sometimes relaxing your expectations can help.
Before you let something get to you ask yourself if it's really important.

What is your 'mission statement' as it were, for parenting your children? Is it that they will learn to do as they are told when they are told and give you no trouble or that you will teach them how to be respectful, decent human beings and to make the right decisions as much as possible?

I think, as parents, many of us get too wrapped up in the first one. So many people think that a child 'doing as they are told' is the optimum Good Child, but is it really?

Your children behave well in their learning environment, so they obviously have respect for authority and understand learning is important. I'd also say that most children who do 'as they are told' at school, do NOT do it for the teachers, but because they know how important school and learning and respecting adults is from their parents so you must be doing something right.

The reason they are acting out at home is, as others have said, because they feel safe and secure to get any frustration and tension out in that environment, again, a Good Thing, not something you have done 'wrong'.

Start off by being a bit easier on yourself and decide what you really cannot compromise on, and what you can compromise on.

Thanks NoPresents xxx