HiThis problem may sound common and trivial but it?s the one that?s stressed me out totally, in a way nothing else has in 3 years and 2 dds. My dd1, nearly 3 years old now, was potty trained easily at 2y 4 months, copying her friends from nursery. For about 5 months she was almost perfect, maybe one accident a week. Then in December she had a stomach bug with diarroeah, we had to put her in nappies for a few days as we were staying in a rented cottage. Since then she?s been awful. Several accidents a day, especially poohs, and often in public places.
Nursery staff are sure it?s deliberate, for attention. She?s been out of nappies and dry and clean at night for 6 months and still is, so she?s capable of waking up alone, going to the bathroom, using the potty and going back to bed. But in the daytime it?s as though she has no idea. Can she actually have forgotten how?
The books always say regression happens when you have a major change, but we haven?t had any. We have dd2 but she was 15 months when this started. We also live with my sister and her partner and their baby, now 6 months, so it?s possible dd1 is tired of being the ?big girl? and just wants to be a baby again.
Assuming it?s for attention, we have tried giving her no attention when she does it, but lots of positive attention the rest of the time, and time away from dd2 (19 months). We try to baby her when she needs it, so we are letting her ride in the buggy lots, for instance, when we might have tried to get her to walk more. We?ve tried star charts, which worked for a couple of weeks, and lollipops for an accident-free day, which also worked for a while. Now we?re trying on nursery?s advice to totally ignore the problem, but this seems to make it worse (she knows it upsets us even when we pretend it doesn?t).
Trouble is, it?s totally stressing me out, I want to smack her (which I?ve never done yet), cancel her birthday party as a punishment, send her to nursery for 5 days instead of the current 3 cos my days at home with her and dd2 are just filled with this issue now and makes me really miserable and angry. Dp is also finding it very stressful. She?s always been a very easy, charming baby and toddler so this is the first time I?ve felt this helpless and angry with her.
I know it?s quite a common problem but how long does it last? Years? Is there a way to end it successfully? My latest idea is to put her back in nappies as if she'd never been potty trained, but this seems a bit sad, 9 months on from successful training.
Advice please, I am too frustrated to pretend to be patient much longer.