intense, volatile 6yo - now hitting herself when upset

[jeangenie]

she's always been intense and volatile, is very sensitive and very perceptive...lately she has started hitting herself when she gets upset and told me the other night she wanted to bite herself into little pieces

she says she doesn't know why she feels like this and she doesn't want to feel like it but she does. When I try to get her to articulate what she feels she says she doesn't know. She is having real difficulty getting to sleep at night too (has always been bad at bedtime but it seems to be getting worse again) so the tiredness will be making it worse

help! I don't know what to do and am deeply worried

God, I feel like this at the moment! I think tiredness can ravage a being. Relaxation/meditation CD?

How do you respond when she says things like that?

thanks toots - must try a relaxation cd with her - she does like to listen to something when going to sleep but finds story tapes keep her awake. It takes her soooo long to wind down at night.

wHAT do I say? hmmm, I try to just be there and tell her I love her and that she should try to relax - she reacts badly to the "try to relax" thing as she gets all worked up then that she WANTS to but CAN'T...

last night she opened up a bit and said she was feeling stressed when she thinks about school, but says no-one is being unpleasant to her there...

she is just so wound up and on edge it is hard to deal with (especially as I am fairly stressed myself!)

hi jeangenie - mucho sympathy - i have a daughter (7) who is intense, exceedingly volatile, sensitive and perceptive too, and MAN has she been a challenge - just about since day 1! i did try to get her into meditation at one point but didn't have much success !! reading has been an absolute boon - we can now direct her towards a pile of books when she is in one of her anxiety-induced frenzies - obviously doesn't always work but putting her in a room with a big box of new library books and a music CD has often helped enormously. haven't had the hitting self thing i must admit - that does sound really hard to manage. we've tried really hard to help her express herself as i am sure you have too. it's so difficult for them when they have these really strong emotions they just don't understand and don't know what to DO with. i am sure she is being genuine when she says she has no idea why she feels like this. i was always hounding my poor DD for explanations until i finally twigged that she really did have no idea what was going on any more than i did. it's taken ages but this last year she has matured loads and i hope the same will be true of your DD too....good luck...maybe others will be able to give you more specific advice re the hitting thing, i do hope so.

I expect she doesn't really know how to relax. You could try showing her some techniques like deep breathing - maybe do it with her. DS often self harms when stressed - his thing is to play his drums madly and get rid of a load of tension.

she says she can't do deep breathing - she just gets all out of sorts crying and thrashing about - I just don't really know what to do in that situation

there were a couple of occasions last week I ended up shouting at her she was driving me crazy - she is an intelligent girl and sometimes I can't help thinking she is just doing it to wind me up/get attention etc. Although when in a rational mood I don't really think that. I felt awful after I lost temper with her. Poor kid - I'm not a great example of staying calm!

If she doesn't know why she feels like this, you asking her why, might drive her a bit potty, do you think?

Maybe try just listening and saying 'hmmm', and repeating back what she's said, so she knows you're hearing her. This is straight out of 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk'. I find it really easy and calming to do this. I don't get half as stressed on my dd's behalf as when I piled in and tried to solve things for her.

oh toots - that sounds good. very simple but very helpful. I am sure I must wind her up big time with my wittering and worrying.

thanks - I really feel that might help

I've also enquired about family yoga sessions locally - maybe we could both do a bit of deep breathing and pretending to be lions or something...

That sounds like fun. I really reccommend the book btw.

That sounds like fun. I really reccommend the book btw.

I recommend that book too, Toots. I also recommend

www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1228306560&sr =1-3

Not that it has solved ALL my problems, but they are useful resources.