How can I help 21mo not be scared of dogs?

[MegBusset]

DS has always been a little wary of dogs (fair enough as they are big compared with him!) but recently it seems to be getting worse. He won't walk past one in the park and today was very worried about a tiny Yorkie that was tied up against the playground railings some 20 feet away.

I'm not sure where the fear has come from, I'm not keen at all on big dogs but I have tried very hard not to pass my anxiety on to him. He has had the occasional dog come close for a sniff or lick when in his buggy or walking, but nothing aggressive.

I'm a little concerned because we are visiting both my brother and my dad at Christmas, both of whom have dogs. I don't want DS to be scared at their houses.

Has anyone got any tips? Is it best to keep him away from dogs as best I can, until he is old enough to understand a bit better? Or is it worth trying to get him used to being near them? Any other suggestions?

I have the opposite problem - ds (20mths) wants to hug all dogs, and I'm terrified of them. Be excessively positive about dogs - point out cute ones, or dogs playing happily. Read stories about dog characters or with dogs in them. Try introducing him very gradually to a dog that you know and trust, without making a big thing about it.

What are your dad and brother's dogs like? Are they nice dogs that are good with children? Maybe getting the chance to get up close to a dog and make friends would help him.

I've been terrified of dogs all my life and I definitely picked this up from my mother. It really is debilitating as there are dogs everywhere. So I am desparate no to pass this on to my DS but it is difficult to disguise. When we pass a dog I say "Ooh look at the lovely doggy" but I can hear in my own voice that I don't mean it! When a doberman jumped up and barked at a garden gate I nearly leapt out of my skin. It could be that he is picking something up from you.

I'm sure he picks it up from you, I am nervous of Alsatians because my mother is, as she was bitten by one. bizarrely I am passing this on to DS, as he sees me wince if we see one, and I just can't help exaggeratedly pushing his buggy quite far away from any dog that seems temperamental or is an Alsatian or bull terrier etc.

While he shouldn't be scared of dogs, I think being wary is a good thing, for example kids should not approach a strange dog and pat them. In our family my aunt had several unreliable border collies who nipped and occasionally bit us, so I don't think it's OTT to be a bit cautious of even family dogs.

Thanks all. My brother's dog is very good with kids (SIL is a vet and they have 4 DC so it has been very well-trained!) so hopefully won't be too scary (although it is quite large).

My dad's dog is likely to be more problematic -- it's a labrador puppy. My own fear of dogs stems from when I was very young and we had a lab that would jump up at me. So I think we might have to keep them at a distance.

It's hard, isn't it -- I do always tense a little when a big dog approaches DS in the park because you just don't know, do you?

Funnily enough he has a toy doggy that he carries around a lot! He just doesn't seem to connect it with the real thing yet.

Meg - I think its a perfectly natural fear to have, dogs have teeth!

A nice calm dog would be perfect for him to approach. Definately keep him away from the puppy. Good luck.

I think he should be scared of dogs he doesn't know!

I would recommend trying to find a dog you trust.

He should be naturally cautious of any dog he doesn't know.

He needs to understand that strange dogs, like strange humans need to treated with caution.