please can someone help me i am worried about my just 3 yr old

[whitebeachesandcoconutoil]

i don't really know how to explain this so please bear with me.
my lo is just 3 [last month] and has always been 'emotional/sensitive?' but now he talks he just baffles me with some of the things he says.
for example we cannot praise him or say if he has done a good thing we have to choose our words really carefully because otherwise he gets very very upset almost verging on meltdown shouting no me a naughty boy.
the other day i asked him to stop running around and went and got him and quietly brought him back to me [we were on the library] and he said quite loudly all upset 'no you hurt me mommy'
why? it really upsets me i certainly don't hurt him , i have never said he is a naughty boy it's not really a word i use
i always try distraction and then after sy that xx wasn't anice thing to do etc.
he is generally a very happy,smily boy and thats not just my opinion other people often comment how he is always such a lovely well mannered smily boy.
so why does he do this he has recently started playgroup and i was hoping that would help him but they are abit perplexed too.
his key worker said that she just though he was extremely well developed emotionally and that that was why
also he just does not want to be like his peers eg in the summer one of his friends came and was wearing a tshirt like one of his and since then refuses point blank to wear it and gets to the point of sobbing if you try and 'force' him to wear it
i am really worried about him one of my freinds keeps saying he is not right you know you should get it checked but check with who ?
please help

nope the playgroup not worried they said he is doing great and as i said just thought he was 'emotionaly advanced' whatever that means

meant to say he is very loving and cuddly and loves having hugs it's more vocal that he seems to have a problem accepting.
eg i may say to him you are a lovly boy so helpful and i love having hugs off you -fine.
he draws a picture and i say wow that is lovly you did such a good picture you are so clever-dissolves in floods of tears sayin no me naughty/nasty boy.
it breaks my heart cos i jst have to say oh thats nice all nonchalant.

THat sounds upsetting and a bit odd (though not necessarily sinister) Is it just praise he overreacts to? How about if you don't say Ohlovelypicture but ask him to tell you more about it - avoid the whole 'aren't you wonderful' thing and try to just pick out aspects (that's an interesting blue line etc) Maybe the praise feels like too much pressure and you could try easing right off it, if he's happy without? some child development experts warn about praise for these reasons. I could be totally barking up wrong tree here, but thought it was worth a try.

My DS1 went through similar around his 3rd birthday. even to the point of shouting "No mummy, don't hit me!" when being quietly reprimanded (and we have NEVER hit him!).
He's now 3 and a half, and grown out of it.

He has just started growling at me though... and that's a whole other thread!

I've read threads in the past on 3 yos who do this sort of thing; it seems to be normal. My own DS is currently experimenting with boundaries, constantly asking "What will you do if I do it again?" which sounds different but I don't think it is really - sounds to me like your DS is thinking about what it means to be naughty/good and is play acting it at an extreme level.

Cockles suggestion about commenting without praising is a good one - also you could try doing a "noticing" exercise where you watch him do something and you just commentate on what they're doing "Oh, you;re using the yellow now. Lots of squiggles, now you've got the brown" Sounds ridiculous but it really works and came highly recommended on a parenting course I went on.

thanks for your replies all of you -some good tips there.
I am glad mrsboring that you have heard of this kind of thing before it really worries me and just wanted reassurance as to whether it was a problem and should i be acting on it or whether it was a phase and something that some kids do ifyswim he is my first and so i do worry and a lot of the time there is only him and me [dh works vv long hours] and no family near by and so he does get a lot of 'adult' time and i have wondered if this has ahd an effect on him hence why i have enrolled him in a playgroup.

my ds also went through a phase of rejecting praise at around 2.8. He also spends a lot of time with adults and hadn't been to playgroup etc.. I would probably say that in comparison to his peers he is quite 'emotionally developed'/ or articulate. At the time, he would respond to praise by shouting/dissolving into tears and saying 'no me bad' or similar - again, we would never say 'you are bad' to him and always concentrated on praise - perhaps too much praise....who knows... It has passed. He now reminds me to say 'good boy' if I have forgotten to praise him for even putting one foot in front of the other and is full of confidence and self esteem!! It does seem that it was a phase.

No tips - just a similar experience. Sounds like it will pass, fingers crossed. It was very upsetting for me at the time too.

bartuki thankyou!!! you have made me feel so much better.
as i said before sometimes he is fine and others he is also quite articulate maybe sometimes not very clear if you like but the langguage structure ifyswim -well he amazes me sometimes.
i guess my freind worries me sometimes it's like my lo adores a particular disney character and actually blushes when her name is mentioned and gets vv embarresed to the point of nearly crying if anyone mentions it-and my freind says 'he should not be doing that you know it's not right' and so then i worry as we have kids very similar in age and hers is not like that at all he just copies everything else does ifyswim

He sounds a bit embarrassed by things. It kind of sounds like he's being overcome with emotions, but isn't quite old enough to process and understand them. Which is really cute actually.

Maybe he is just the kind of person who doesn't like a "fuss" made. I know I feel embarrassed even now if my parents say 'oo, don't you look nice?" which is daft as I am 31.

So maybe as one of the other posters says, just keep praise a bit more low key. So if he does a good picture, instead of saying "you're so clever" maybe change it to "what a lovely picture" (as this takes the emphasis off him) "I like the way the (eg)house is drawn in red" (or whatever).

So he still knows you're pleased with him and the picture, but it's less emphasis on what a good job he has done.

It's really hard for them at that age as they don't have enough words to keep up with all the emotion. Don't worry about the T shirt thing, my son (3 and a half) flatly refused to wear a set of pjs we'd got for him as they were Rylies...( we stayed with them weeks ago, I checked with his mum and it sounds like he has a similar design T shirt). He got hysterical when we tried to get him in them, p*ssed me off, waste of a decent set of PJs. Hopefully the hypersensivity about praise will pass, try the specific comments about the details. I've seen it recomended loads of times....

My friend's 3 yr old DD does the same thing with praise, to the point of tears if something nice is said.

My DS ignores me and then, when I intervene, wails or sobs or screams loudly, either over-dramatically or because he is actually very (but, in my eyes, irrationally) upset. I think it can be hard for 3 yr olds to regulate their emotions.

Mine has been known to yell, "Noooooo, you're hurting me Mummy, stop hurting me" when I hold his hand

I doubt any of this helps you but your DS doesn't sound 'odd' to me. Just like a quirky 3 yr old. Keep an eye on him and keep checking with nursery about how he is progressing.

it sounds more like your child is emotionally advanced and your friend, who is telling you he isn't right, is the emotionally challenged one.

Do you think possibly it's because he has started at playgroup - either he thinks somehow it is his fault you've sent him away for being what he asusmes to be naughty, can't understand why you've sent him away from you - or else that someone there is using the word naughty towards him (adult or child) and he is confused?

thanks again all of you you have made me feel soo much better.
flightattendant nope he used to say he was naughty before and that is why i thought maybe it would be good for him to go to playgroup.
my freind however does use the term [quite a lot] so maybe he has got it from there?